spirit photos of a baby animal

a line i love from that funky wordsmith Ani diFranco says, "It took me too long to realize that I don't take good pictures cuz I have the kind of beauty that moves."  true, some images convey so much in their stillness, and some people have a magical gift of being "photogenic." but rarely is a single still shot the whole story.  life is not static.  some of my favorite photos i have taken are the technically "imperfect" shots that show movement.  many times i feel they show more of the essence of the person or subject than the still shot can convey ~ like a psychedelic capturing of the spirit.  

this hand-me-down brown bear hoodie, now too short, has been a favorite of mine in Anjali's wardrobe.  in a tame, polyester fleece way it reminds me of the Lost Boys in Peter Pan (for which i have quite a soft spot).  it also emphasizes for me the animal quality of Anjali that i cherish so firmly.  endearing as well as challenging, i wish to help keep that wildness intact as best i can.  and if you are to portray Anjali accurately, it is clearly in movement as opposed to still.  she is a girl moving ~ inquisitive, interactive, and tactile.           

Baby Animal Anjali.

she moves.

photos taken while nursing

365

that's the number of posts i've written on this blog.  this makes 366.

a year's worth of entries over the course of the four years i've had this blog.  

four years ago: 

i was 29.  i lived in Lexington, KY, and was working as a barista at Third Street Stuff.  my sister Misha had just passed, Mister Gemini and i were bringing to a legal close that seven year portion of our relationship that we spent as a married couple, and i was sorting my belongings to move across the continent to big ol' C-A.  running sometimes twice a day to calm my mind and spirit.  and drinking a lot of whiskey.

in the four years since: 

i performed and created costumes with my dream company Lucent Dossier (then Vaudeville Cirque, now Experience) in LA for the unequivocal performance time of my life. i fell in love and moved in with Sealion (and good friend Mackindaddy) in Sacramento, attended Burning Man for the first through third times. i auditioned for and got accepted to dance with a most auspicious (but now defunct) bellydance company, Ultra Gypsy, and passed on it.  followed my guiding star to study food ~ attending Bauman College's Natural Chef program, and then working extensively and finally apprenticing at Three Stone Hearth Community Supported Kitchen, began eating meat again for the first time since i was 16.  i ran a half, then a whole marathon (26.2 miles).  i married Sealion in the Black Rock Desert (then at the Sacto courthouse), moved to Berkeley, got pregnant, and had baby Anjali Sage after a week-long labor at home with a midwife that ended in an emergent C-section. 

right now:  i am a Mommy.  i am 33 years old.  i garden, sew, prepare and eat good food from the farmers' markets, walk and bike with my husband and baby, read, write and take pictures, and watch iTunes movies in bed at night with headphones.  i am cultivating a community close by.  each of my parents is retiring this summer.  my husband and i are investigating buying a house here in Berkeley.  i don't jog or dance nearly as much as i'd like to.  i drink close to a quart of  raw whole milk from Claravale Farm a day.  

(right-right now:  i'm eating a chicken salad sandwich while reclining in bed next to my sleeping almost-seven-month-old daughter, and my cat, Kitty, who is purring suspiciously close to that mug of raw milk on the nightstand.)    

i don't like to look back, nor do i revel much in past accomplishments.  i don't believe in "the good ol' days," preferring instead to believe that life can be lived in fullness any time we pay attention.  but i can't help but think i'd be hard-pressed to find a chunk of four years that are as dynamic as the past four.  there certainly were lulls and lows, but lots of highlights i left out of this little synopsis for brevity.  

this blog doesn't fully represent "me" the past four years, but it says a lot.  the silences oftentimes as much as the posts, what i leave out as much as i include.  it has evolved to be something i approach quite thoughtfully and mindfully.  i attempt to "put my best face forward" while at the same time being as authentic and honest as i can bare.  i hope to reach audience members who feel they can relate, and to help them not to feel alone.  and i would rather focus on the beauty of life as i see it ~ without airbrushing.  

when i was practicing dance in preparation for that big audition, i taped up a teabag wrapper for every time i practiced (as was my art ~ incorporating discarded items, pictures, and words in collage form, on fabric, butcher paper, on every surface and any wall).  this was to demonstrate to myself that, though the little bit didn't feel like much, bit by bit became a long line of green paper squares that extended across the wall, and rehearsals that led to a prepared audition.  these days, i don't have to tape teabag wrappers as i have a child who grows literally before my eyes.  starting out as a single cell inside of me, she has developed to be the 17-pound center of my life.  she embodies the idea that big shifts happen "day by day" and "minute by minute," as it's sung in one of my favorite Brett Dennen songs.  as quickly as Anjali grows and changes, i am urgently reminded to be present for each of those day-by-days.   

so, 365 posts later, here i am and here we are.  i am appreciative of the voice this blog gives me, and appreciative of those of you who come back again and again.  cheers!    

(ha!  i got quite link-happy here.   i think that's kind of a give-away of how contemplative this blog post made me, and how much later i'm awake than i planned to be. . i could keep going, linking words to previous entries, but ~ i'm sleepy.  gold star for anyone who clicks on every link.  or maybe a swat on the behind to say, "hey ~ close the friggin' computer and go outside!")     

mindful re-minder

(i could be frustrated and spend an hour trying to fix this font that blogger has dictated, but i'm going to let it slide and get on with my day. . )

I'm plenty cheesy, and I'm not above self-help.  I have read quite a few advice books and how-to books about happiness and fulfillment.  And over the years I have subscribed to various websites that send little notes to my inbox reminding me to choose my mentality.  So it is not surprising that I am seeking the advice of confident parents whose philosophies resonate with me.  Although Scott Noelle's daily blurbs, entitled, "The Daily Groove", are child-related, often I don't think they're parenting-specific.  The following one really hit home for me in my perfectionist tendencies.  Sealion and I have applied it with quite a bit of success in our daily life ~ one fraught with trying to "do it right", and many the heated conversation on the whys and why nots of parenting choices.  Perhaps it might speak to you in your life.   

I'd Rather Feel Good!

by Scott Noelle, posted on 2006-05-30

We've been conditioned by the agents of our culture — parents, teachers, the media, etc. — to believe that our success and happiness depend on being "right."

Today, let's question that...

When you argue with your child, you may be "right," but do you feel happy?

When you criticize your partner, you may be "right," but do you feel love?

When you berate yourself for making a mistake, you get to be "right" about your wrongness! Are we having fun yet???

If you feel stress today — even mild tension — ask yourself if you're trying to be "right" about something, and consider the potential relief of simply letting it go.

Just breathe... and tell yourself, "I'd rather feel good than be right!"

growing!

silly

Anjali is developing a sense of humor.  Or at least has a joke.  She sticks her tongue out of the side of her mouth with the funniest little grin!    

 Gramma and Papa were in town this week, and it became her game with Gramma, and then all of us, to stick her tongue out as an invitation for play.  So, initiated by Anjali many times a day,  we all had our tongues stuck out.  Hilarity.  Early yesterday morning the grandparents caught their flight home.  As Sealion, Anjali, and I were out and about town later in the day, she and I ducked in to a corner for some privacy nursing.  She popped her head up over my arm, locked eyes with Papi across the way, and stuck her tongue out mischievously!

a moment of calm

parenting requires me to be "on" all the time.  if i may use a river rafting analogy, it seems that there are few still and slow pools, and more waves to navigate.  they may not all be Class IV rapids, but they require navigation, nonetheless.  so riding the waves with a bit of a gameplan perhaps, some clarity, and a light heart, feels necessary.  

things have felt stressful for me lately.  there has been plenty plenty of good and fun ~ even some easy, but .. some stress.   i took this photo because this morning i felt successful under these conditions.  my heart felt calm.  

  

 taking note of these moments in life is helpful.

note the highchair. . 

(i feel as if i look worn out in every photo i take of myself lately.  even ones that i take to show myself what i look like when i feel energetic..  but i feel it's important to show them.)  

happy mommy's day

ooooh, thank you!!

enter:

the highchair!

oh, 

what fun

we have in store!

wine and chocolate

when the chocolate bar runs out,

you make do. 

feral

It delights me that Anjali is a little animal.  I love how uncivilized she is.  That a wet diaper, any  random plant leaf, the floor, a pen, a magazine page, and dirt are all equally worthy of investigation via tongue. That she gazes lovingly at my breasts and only sees nurturance.  I love that she farts loudly while looking me in the eye with an earnestly straight face.  Through her, I think I really understand what it means to be "fresh."  

Oh!  To remain untamed!       

growing..growing

crafty, with friends ~ continued

here's an email i sent out today.

         

hi, friends!

i am SO excited about the response i've gotten to my invitation for creative fun!! i have received seven positive replies, with a few who have friends who might be interested. cool, eh?

as for scheduling, some of us have evenings free, and some of us have days free.
of the people who have shared availability, it kind of smears across the week (as we might have expected).

so i'm going to throw this out:
how bout every other monday evening, and every other wednesday afternoon? so 1st and 3rd mon eves, 2 and 4th wed afternoons.
how does that work with everyone?

as for where, i'm glad to meet here at my place, to meet at a park sometimes, weather and activity allowing. as for others' houses, i oftentimes don't have a car, so am limited to close walking distances right now.

books i have enjoyed about crafting:
The Creative Family, by Amanda Soule
Generation T, by Megan Nicolay
Bend the Rules Sewing, by Amy Karol

a book i'm interested in looking at:
Crafternoon, by Maura Madden

so here's a question for you to answer:
are you interested in organized projects that we all work on, or a bring-yer-own project kind of format?

ok! i think that's all for now. anything else you can think of?
fun is in store!!
~ Tiffanie

organizing this was a big step out for me.  honestly, for the past few years, i have spent a large portion of my time sad and/or hermiting.  the advent of Anjali has changed that for me ~ either out of necessity, as when I sought out prenatal meditation and yoga during pregnancy for stability and sanity, or just cuz that's the way it is.  i realized at the turn of March that this past winter was the first one in countless years that i haven't been blue.  wonder!  not saying i don't have a blue afternoon or day, but for the most part. . i feel upbeat, and like being social!  i'm so glad, because i also believe that we weren't designed to live insular lives in our separate little cubby holes ~ we're meant to have a tribe.  i'm tired of not feeling a community, and of my baby not having society.  she loves people!  i've been giddy the past few days coming up with themed dinners and parties we could have, and setting goals for having friends over for dinner: at least twice a month.  

but for now, i feel great about this first step.  and all the crafty fun we'll have!  

crafty: pantaloons pour ma petite fille

Created these awesome pants for Anjali.   

From fabric that someone shared with me in a "free box" on the sidewalk ~ very lightweight cotton that will work perfectly to keep baby cool, but protect her fair skin on warm sunny days. Considering that I rarely use a pattern, my sewing is trial-and-error (-and-error).  I used a pair of pants that fit her as a template, and went from there.  The thing I haven't been able to get right yet is enough crotch room to accommodate her diaper-padded bum.  If she's going diaper-free, they fit beautifully.  And that lasts as long as I can manage to catch her pee-pees ~ sometimes hours, sometimes minutes.  So these went back to the drawing board with a couple more inches in length for the bootay.  But don't they look adorable in their original dimensions?  With their voluminous width, and delicious belly-button display, they reminded Sealion and me of bellydance pantaloons.  Of course!
 Let the shakey-shakey begin!

crafty, with friends

these are two emails i sent today.  if you live nearby, come play!  if you don't live nearby, i wish you did, and that you would.   

hey, sabine (who used to lead her own crafty club in the city: "crafty bitches and thrift store whores") ~

do you know any cool crafty folk in berkeley/east bay?  i have searched and searched online for moms groups who get crafty, and found one in tampa.  florida.  i attended only one "regular" mommy group where moms sat on the floor and pulled their babies off of each other and talked about pooping habits.  there has to be more.  i asked a woman carrying her baby at the fabric store the other day if she knew any crafty moms' groups, and she dismissed me, saying that moms don't have time to get crafty.  well, what was she doing at the fabric store then?!
if you have any ideas, i'd love to hear them. [sealion] and i are suffering from lack of "tribe".

~ tiffanie 

--------------------------------------------------------------

hi, friends ~

i want to get together with friends and create ~ play at an art project or make on a craft project, have pleasant conversation and perhaps nutritious snacks.  i would like to do this regularly ~ every week if possible for some, semi-weekly, or at least monthly.  i envision it being kid-friendly, but not kid-centered.  i imagine it happening on an afternoon that could bleed into an early evening.  i realize many of us are busy, and some very busy.  but if this sounds like fun to you, i believe that prioritizing creation with others has the potential to bless and nurture the rest of our lives.  no agendas or have-to's or shoulda's, nor competition, just some creativity amongst pleasant folks.

if this sounds like something you might enjoy, and/or you know someone who might be interested, please let me/them know.

happy may!
~ tiffanie 

Bon Voyage, Mes Amis

Nala dog waits anxiously in a newly-emptied living room

At the turn of the month, our good  friends, Gemini Cricket, Hot Mama Honeybee, and baby June Firefly, will be embarking on a Grand Adventure.  They have given away or loaned out all of the belongings in their comfy 2-story home ~ furniture, kitchenware, decor, mementos, an extensive and hand-picked art collection.  They are leaving a well-cultivated life with reliable jobs and a solid, interconnected, fun community of friends ~ to move into an Airstream, and then across the country and into the unknown.  

I made a similar exfoliation of my former life just a few years ago (still proud that I came out to start over with only seven (7) packing boxes ~ which included my sewing machines and art supplies, costuming and huge platform boots, and my loyal stuffed koala, Sheltowee), but in retrospect it seems I had  a lot less responsibility and a lot less to lose  ~ although I still miss my community every single day.   Don't want to discount my experience, for it changed me and my path forever in countless ways.  But looking at what they're doing from the vantage point of my cozy, feathered nest with family, solidly in my thirties, I wince a little and think, "Yeesh!  That's a big leap!"

As always, these guys give me pause to think.  I look around the house which we've only occupied for a year and a half now, and marvel at the piles of clutter that never disappear, but simply get dispersed ~ to recollect in a week or so.  The clutter gets so noisy in my periphery (and we keep a pretty tidy house for the most part) that it drives me out the door ~ which is the best place to be anyway.  Which leads me back to these traveling folks and what they are essentially forcing themselves to do.  Be outside more.  

And just *be*, without the stuff.   The process of skin shedding has been a huge and complicated challenge to them already.  I give them 1000 kudos for the effort and perseverance.   And for that, I dedicate perhaps my favorite moment from perhaps my favorite movie, "Harold and Maude."  (and I think I've already told this to Gemini, so I'm sorry if it's anticlimactic, but I still love how appropriate it is.)  When they are sitting together by the little pond, after having a wonderful time together, and Harold hands Maude the little coin that has engraved on it, "Harold loves Maude."   And she says, "Oh, Harold, it's wonderful!" and immediately flings it into the water.  "Now I'll always know where it is!" (or something like that.)  

But, my friends, more than forcefully detaching yourself from possessions, security, and comfort, I salute you for following your gut.  There's a little saying (from a tea bag label) that's been glued to my keyboard since not long after I took my big jump a few years ago:  "Live from your heart, you will be truly satisfied."  May your ear always be tuned to the frequency of your heart.

iris, rose geranium bud and leaves

writing it down

Because I want to remember.

 Anjali has developed the habit of holding my finger while she nurses.  Her hand searches for it as soon as she starts to settle in.  It is such a routine by now that I don't even think about it, but when I'm made aware, my heart does a little somersault.  So I needed to write it down.   

wine and chocolate

Sealion has been working a slew of evening shifts recently.  Where he usually can count on a relatively balanced schedule among morning, evening, and night shifts (such is the nature of his profession), this last month was almost all evenings.  This month is not much different.  (We're thinking that this is what happens when a computer program takes over what a human used to do ~ juggling schedules.)  This means that Anjali and I have been spending afternoons and evenings on our own.  The daily family meal has become breakfast.  And I have developed a pleasant little ritual to transition the afternoon into evening:  wine and chocolate.

  

During my pregnancy (beside the fact that I attempted to avoid chocolate altogether), dark chocolate was too strong for me (horror!), so I had to switch to milk chocolate.  That was a fun side journey (my favorite is Dagoba's Chai).  Happily my taste and intuition have lead me back to the dark side (The Force is strong in me..).  Lately I've been sticking to straight dark chocolate with no mix-ins ~ Green and Black's 70% is what is open in the cabinet.  Needing only a few squares, a bar can last me well over a week.  Old vine zinfandel is my wine preference these days.  They call it "old vine" because the vines are. .  old, and they're gnarly from when they pruned them in the old school method ~ lopping them off at the top each year ~ instead of training them to trellises.  Supposedly their age makes them harder to work with, producing fewer grapes per vine, and of variable size.  I've also heard that this variety is trendy among folks like me, but ~ what a yummy way to be trendy; much better than, say, tight-rolling your pantlegs.   I'm satisfied with a pretty tiny portion (in our house we call it a "dot"), but it does manage to add a celebratory note to that time when the shadows are long and things are slowing but not sleeping and the house might be feeling a bit quiet.

I'd rather have the boy, but. . this routine ain't bad.    

a new era

Our baby is now officially eating table food.  Like those first fresh new diapers that, while still pregnant, I displayed for myself to admire, her eating will become a part of the routine that I'm cleaning up after.  But for now I'm sentimental and savoring the newness of the development.    

I dip her little spoon into the food while Anjali breathes heavily in anticipation as if she has never eaten in her life.  The spoon cannot get into her hands soon enough.   As she eats, the food gets spread out all over her mouth area (using that term loosely) as if she were applying a facial mask, ending up with a Fred Flintstone-type beard-smear.  When she is no longer interested, the spoon is forgotten immediately.  If I can't find it for the next meal, I know where to search first.    

Oh, heart, how you swell.  My baby is growing up.  

rainy day jazzed

Mmm. A deliciously rainy day. Recently the bright sun and clear blue sky have extended an irresistible call to the outdoors. Being inside at all has seemed a waste of weather. Knowing that the rainy season is mostly passed, this day feels like a bit of a holiday. A break, on which I feel absolutely no pressure to be active out of doors. Staking my place on the couch and not feeling bad for sitting there for hours, only getting up to pee and fix another warm drink. And sitting in a pile of fabrics all day ~ even better, fuzzy wool sweater knits. A sewing project that has no deadline ( I always seem to demand genius and perfection of myself while attempting something I've never even tried before, beginning hours [days, weeks..] after it should have been completed for optimum timeliness.. ). Listening to my new Ella Fitzgerald Pandora station (I swear they don't pay me; I just love Pandora ~ it's free!), and the gently soothing sprinkling of steady rain outside.

writing it down

because things change and she grows so fast.  

Anjali's favorite pillow

From the very beginning of when she started noticing anything about her surroundings, Anjali has delighted in this pillow ~ a patchwork one made up of antique saris, a kind that you can get at most any store that carries clothing or trinkets from India.  She actually squeals when she sees it.  More than once I have used it in an effort to bring her happiness when she was crying.  The white spots against the red were an early fascination.  Now the little dark squares of dots on the pink triangles are scratched at and grabbed on.  

I want to remember. 

  

carrots in love

the little things

I love Sealion for a lot of big reasons, some that I have mentioned here before.  And I love him for countless little reasons.  Those that sometimes might go unnoted, but when I pause to think about them ~ are the ones that moisten my eyes and make me smile when there's no one around to see it.  

Ever since we had to do it in my cooking class (and then reinforced by working at Three Stone Hearth for years), there has been a rule in my kitchen about labeling leftovers:  on a piece of masking tape, usually, and usually with a Sharpie (because that's what's in the drawer and works best on the masking tape), you write the contents of the container, and the date.  This goes for takeout boxes, and for jars at home.  Yeah, it might be a bit type A ~ you can say that, but I like it.  With the advent of Anjali, Sealion has taken on more of the kitchen duties than previously shouldered.  Now, whenever he puts the leftovers in the fridge, he most always comes up with a corny pun, or fun/silly way to spell the contents of the container.  

You see the way there are curly-cues on the letters?  He doesn't write that way; he was doing that to be funny.  When I pulled the jar out of the fridge to heat up for my solitary dinner tonight, seeing that bit of silliness was what made me smile and warmed my center before there was any soup in there.  

A little thing.

and the recipe for that SOOP.              

california poppy (the state flower) and calendula

carrots

Remember what I was saying about the garden not abandoning us?  Check out the carrots we forgot about and just harvested!  They were the stubby Nantes variety, if I remember correctly.

 They're tasty, too!  

yummm!

finally getting around to adding some posts to my other blog, food-a-file , after being inspired by this book:  A Homemade Life, by Molly Wizenberg.  

lovin' the springtime

wow. it's amazing how invigorating the sunshine and warmth are. i forget every year. and then it happens and i have more energy and a spring to my step and motivation.

we've been partaking heavily of the backyard. it's so yummy.

spring!

Sealion and the super-dooper raised beds he built. 

Anjali inspects a soily pot in the shade. 

another view of the beds.  

Kitty supervises. 

and now back outside.     

crafty

i have been working on some sewing projects. wedging in a few minutes here and there when i can, i get a little obsessed.  a finished product is rewarding.  the main (huge) thing is ten "all-in-one" diapers for Ms. A. i made some basic prefolds for her before she was born, but quickly learned that others are more effective and practical, especially when out and about. alas she has outgrown the first set of handed-downs, and i looked all over online for more used ones in the next size up, and just decided to make some. boy was that an involved process. i'm happy with how they came out, though. all from recycled fabrics. and there are cute wool covers of essentially the same design that i don't have a photo of.

on the tushy, just freshly test-pee-peed

and the creation that gets the most raves is the one that took a small fraction of what the diapers took to finish. kind of reminds me of icing on a cupcake. yum! and, yeah ~ what was i saying about pink?

on the train

i'm still figuring out how to get blogging accomplished with the little one in my life.  right now i'm writing bit by bit as i find the time, and adding photos later.  we keep photos on the other computer ~ Sam ~ because he's faster and smarter.  but right now he's under the weather.  so i'm just going ahead and publishing the little tidbits i had been working on, and will add the photos when Sam is well.  so there are some entries that will be showing up on down the page if you feel like scrolling.  i don't think they're nearly as interesting without the illustrations, but i just want to keep up with my blogging endeavor.  thanks for reading.  

and here's a photo of my sweet daughter just to hold your interest.  ;-)
this photo is commemorating her newly acquired laughter, as opposed to simply smiling.

well, now that i'm looking, it seems i already added photos to a few of them. .
so anyway.

White House Kitchen Garden

yeah!
this is an interesting article about the awesome fact that Michelle Obama is implementing a kitchen garden for their food.
cool.

sign language

one of my new-mommy friends reminded me about using sign language with Anjali, so i looked up the site that was recommended.
it's so much fun!! check this site out. i love iconography ~ the pictures people use to express language. like the handicapped-accessible toilet sign, speed bumps (or humps, if you're lucky. ;-) ), etc. how few lines can be used to get a point across, oftentimes to people of many languages. really fascinates me. so i can see why sign language would enthrall me as well.
look up the sign for "boring" and read the explanation. :-D

Hollis

Hollis in our dome during a windstorm at BM0...6

Hollis and i at the Tobin James winery on the way back fron LIB

oh my.
while brushing my teeth i checked my email this morning.
almost not bothering to scroll to the bottom of a page, i would have failed to read that
my friend Hollis was in a near-fatal motorcycle wreck in India 2 weeks ago.
she has been flown back here to Stanford where she is in the ICU.
Hollis and i became friends upon working with Lucent Dossier. she was from Tennessee. having both become recent transplants to a whole new world, we felt a bond. she and i road-tripped to the Lightning in a Bottle festival together, driving a rental car from the bay area down through the valley to Santa Barbara. the only food vendor at the festival being (delicious) raw vegan, our first stop that monday morning was a mom n pop diner where we ate eggs, bacon, buttered biscuits, and spiked our coffee with bourbon. at burning man she adorned our camp's table with, "don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff." she always called kombucha, "kombucha-cha." a dreamer, a dancer, a spunky, sweet soul.
we had lost touch, as you do sometimes, but i had been wanting to contact her.  
hmmm.

ommmm.
sending some love to Hollis.

http://www.friendsofhollis.blogspot.com/

first harvests

Summer brought intolerable heat for the watermelon-bellied mama.  Toward the end of the season, I must admit to abandoning the garden.  I harvested tomatoes, and that's about it (many of them not making their way inside).  But the garden did not abandon me.  The rain has done the yard good.  Flowers are blossoming in every corner.  Happily, many of the seeds I planted last year that did not sprout ~ I went fairly nutty in seed-sprinkling last year! ~ are unfurling with life and color.  What a welcome surprise!  On our way in yesterday, we brought enough parsley to season dinner's roasted beets, and a flower for the centerpiece.  Just bringing in this handful of the outside breathes so much energy into the house.  And makes me want to get outside and dig in the dirt!    

Spring! and an idyllic afternoon

 will add photos when our other computer ~ the faster smarter one ~ is home from the doctor.

Ahhh.  For Sealion's birthday, he happened to have the day off from work, and cleared his schedule otherwise so that he could work in the yard.  His favorite activity in the world is to build something, and having a warm sunny day after many days of rain was all he needed to immediately imagine the perfect outdoor project.  In the sun, Papi (pronounced PAH-pee, btw) sawed boards, dug holes, and created raised beds for our garden (yippee!).  In the shade, Anjali worked on her locomotion skills, inspected nature (and every other object close at hand), snacked and napped, and I worked on a sewing project. Spring blossoms all around, bees buzzing, birds tweeting. .  Pretty near perfect, if you ask me. 

in appreciation

for Kitty.    
Kitty has been my devoted friend for nine-plus years. I don't know why, but she clearly chose me to be the recipient of her greatest loyalty very early on in our relationship. As Anjali was growing in my belly, I felt concern about Kitty. Rodolfo ~ I knew he might be somewhat effected, but he would remain his resilient somewhat-standoffish-shy self. Kitty, on the other hand, Kitty might take it personally. When Anjali arrived outside the belly, a tiny squirming bundle with a piercing scream, the cats went running. They investigated every item with her scent, but would not even sniff of Anjali. As the days passed, they quit jumping every time the new member of the family cried. Eventually, they each found the comfort to occupy the same couch or bed area as Anjali. Now that Anjali is more directly vocal, and lurching eagerly in their direction, Rodolfo hits the high road every time he senses her presence too close. But Kitty ~ she's holding her ground. I think somehow she knows that to be close to Tiffanie, she has to learn to tolerate the little human. She even keeps her purr going if Anjali unexpectedly grabs at her face (although I try to be moderator for these interactions ~ on each of their behalf). She's gently holding her own, and nudging and nuzzling in her insistent way, as close to Tiffanie as she can manage with the new girl around. When I shove her away as Anjali is just drifting off to sleep, later on she still greets me by the bathroom sink in her regular spot for a pet. I don't know what I did to deserve her lifetime devotion, but I have a friend in Kitty. As much attention as the furless kitten gets these days, I just wanted to send Kitty a little love note.

Thank you, Kitty!  You are generous and forgiving.  I love you!      

Happy Birthday, Papi Sealion!!

Wow, do I feel lucky!  

photo taken today by good friend Erica

epilogue to la vie en pink

geez!  reading over that last entry later in the day ~ perhaps less caffeinated, it sounds like a bitch session more than anything else.  i certainly didn't mean it that way.  more just a funny possibly ironic anecdote to being a parent.  i much prefer second-hand clothing to new ~ socially, environmentally, financially..  i had no idea that this clothes hand-me-down phenomenon would happen when we had a baby.  it seems that hand-me-downs crawl out of the woodwork, and propagate (like the fuzzy bunnies that adorn them) in the hamper.  and i am grateful for it.  long live the hand-me-down wardrobe!  and may my daughter derive less of her self image and identity from the fabric covering her skin than her mom obviously does.

~*~ Epilogue to the epilogue ~*~

so i decided to delete that previous post. it was poorly written, and bugged me whenever i thought about it. we all have things that in our mind are witty until they come out and then ~ thud. it felt like an old song that used to hit that perfect note that since has fallen a little flat. mainly i just prefer to live in gratitude.
Anjali has helped me more easily to smile and roll with a lot from well-intentioned others. and if i'm very honest, as i look in the laundry pile these days, my heart lightens a little to see the generous splashes of pink. the pink reminds me of Anjali.      

running!

ahhh!  i'm so glad to be running again! 

years ago, during a particularly un-motivated/lazy period on my part, i remember complaining to that Gemini Cricket about how my physique just wasn't what i wanted it to be (that old worn-out schtick that has slouched on my shoulder for years).  solution-minded and never one to commiserate with self-loathing, he suggested i go for a jog.  feeling un-motivated as i was, jogging was not what i had in mind.  i had run in the past (mainly to keep up with my boyfriend ;-) ), but never really loved it.  my reply was something about how jogging takes so much energy ~ why run instead of walk (or something like that)?  his emphatic reply is one that has stuck with me (obviously if i'm writing about it now):  he said, "because you can."

i finally did get back to jogging, for myself this time.  and for years i used that phrase as a kind of guilty kick-in-the-ass for those times when i didn't feel like tying the shoes and getting out the door.  it probably helped me run my marathon.  

the first few days after Anjali's and my emergent C-section, it was a three-person effort to get me out of and back into my hospital bed.  when i shuffled to the bathroom, i was advised to hold a pillow to my belly to ease the discomfort.  to me, it felt as if my guts might literally fall out if i didn't hold that pillow there.  ever capable and sturdy, if not the model-svelte we Americans are programmed to desire, my body was truly incapacitated for the first time.  my mental perception of Me was taken apart and put back together as dramatically as was my belly.  my two best friends held me up as i worked very hard to make my way down the hall and back to exercise my circulation and strengthen my will.  running seemed like a distant dream.  

marvelously, in a few days, the outer staples were removed.  and in a few weeks, i was walking a mile or more!  i was in awe of Nature's capacity to heal itself.  

it took us a few months before Anjali felt like doing without the booby for a long enough period, and before i felt physically able to jog again.  but that first venture out the door felt sooo freeing!  from an observer's view, the movement could probably be called "lumbering", but to me, it felt as if i were flying.  i found many excuses to stop for breaks, but i did it!  

as i went, my mind wandered ~ as is part of the fun of the jog, and landed back to that conversation between Gemini and me those howmany years ago.  only this time, "because you can," took on a whole new meaning to me.  it wasn't a slightly sarcastic punchline; it was an empowering encouragement.  so many people, for whatever reason, really cannot tie the shoes and go for a jog even on their most motivated days.  and, for whatever reason, i can.  

i can.  

gearing up for my marathon ~ june 3, 2007

photo by the superest ms. Woo Lively

  

         

        

half dressed sitting

somehow ending up half dressed sitting 

on the kitchen floor 

nursing you, 

i am presented with the opportunity 

to savour 

the sunshine that falls on my legs.

the chores of the day must 

fall away 

as your immediate need 

pins me down 

to the moment.

with a coffeed mind and arm out of reach to skip it,

a melancholy song has me weeping,

re-minded

that someday soon your skin so soft sometimes i can't feel it

will wrinkle.

the day was booked before i even woke up

but now 

i have been presented with the opportunity 

to sit silent 

and listen to your breaths,

to allow the warm laundry to go unfolded

for the moment.  

rainy day groovin'

add a little sashay to your step and wiggle to your walk on this rainy day with my newest 

pandora station o funk.  

dig it.

present moment

my favorite, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh says, "present moment, perfect moment" ~ that every second really is singularly full of wonder when you are mindful of it.  but don't some moments just feel more perfect, more *magic* than other moments?  especially when you capture them perfectly on film.  ;-)

this perfect moment, captured, is as my daughter gleefully let out a newly-discovered (and delighted-in) squeal. (click to enlarge and fully enjoy ~ the bare tushy!  the drool-glistened lip!  the slobber-matted hair!)  

yup.