Thursday, September 28, 2006
today i reclaim my name: it's Tiffanie.
it's spelled with a capital "T", and it's long, and was chosen and spelled by my Dad, who, i imagine, believed it to be a beautiful name, to characterize his new 10-fingers-and-10-toes Baby Daughter.
when i was a kid, i loved my name and was proud of it, and proud of its unusualness (in that time and place), and un-usual spelling.
as i grew older, i felt like that name didn't fit me. it made me think of a delicate prissy poodle. maybe it did characterize me, but this image did not resonate with me.
i always wanted a nickname, but one never stuck.
the best-sticking nickname i ever received (which i love very much), was given to me by my beloved dancing sisters at Mecca in Lexington, KY. it is tiftif. spelled that way, and pronounced alltogether, with hardly a pause inbetween the two tifs.
when i moved out to big-ol C-A, i wanted to Start Over, Everything New and Fresh. i searched for a nickname, a New Name to characterize my New Self, and i simply stuck with "tif", with a lower-case "t". i have an artful (in my opinion) way of writing it. and most people whom i have met since moving out here know me as "tif" (perhaps they don't know that it's with a lower-case "t", but it's implied, in my mind.).
then my glory-full friend MaKayLaH and i happened on a gathering of great folks at a home that is also a healing center (in San Francisco). the energy there was good and light. as MaKayLaH introduced me to the group, one man (who was very bright and smiley himself) misunderstood when she introduced me as "tif", so i explained by saying, "it's short for Tiffanie." and he said (with that big smile), "what a lovely name! it reminds me of 'Epiphany'! i think i'll go directly to the source and call you 'Epiphany'!"
and that's when i re-remembered that that's what my name means. it means that already. in the Christian tradition, Tiffanie means, "Manifestation of God." when i was a child, i liked that especially. as i grew older, and away from the Church, i didn't like that my name was a product of that religion (even though nobody knew but me.. ).
as i get to know my self more and better and deeper and gentler, as i come to be more Me everyday, i have come to understand that we are All God, and Goddess, we are, each one us, "Tiffanie" ~ manifestations of the One, that magnificent incomprehensible Light Love Energy. and as i strive to re-member my divinity, to live the mirror that i am to my fellow Divine Light Beings, i am ready to retake my name.
my name is Tiffanie.
and i am a unique, powerful, delicate and strong, sensitive beautiful and fascinating goofy silly opinionated and particular stubborn, sometimes bitchy and weepy, multi-faceted spectral shining brilliant being ~ similar to that diamond that is known by the same name (at least phonetically ;).
my name is Tiffanie.
Tiffanie at sunset with Woo and Sealion at Anza Barego in the desert near San Diego.
the Goddess: while she is majestic and elegant, she also laughs and oftentimes scrunches her nose when she smiles with dear loved-ones.
soundtrack: "East to the West" by that Michael Franti, once again.
"Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality."
Posted by Tiffanie at 10:13 AM