So what have I been doing during this month since we officially For Real moved to rural Baja California Sur, Mexico, to a permacultural haven-in-the-making? Ha! That's so many stories! So many photos! So many feelings, senses, emotions, movements, victories, and even some loss.
For now I'll tell you something I've been letting myself indulge in: I've been basking in the satisfaction of a HUGE life goal ACCOMPLISHED! Even there, I start to modestly add phrases like, "but I know this is just the beginning," and, "but I know that we have so much work ahead of us, and we just don't even know how it'll turn out." With this, I noticed a pattern of myself for many years: never allowing myself that satisfaction, really, of taking a moment for accepting and enjoying a pat on the back ~ either from loved ones who appreciate me, or even from myself. I immediately set my sights on The Next Thing, and don't look back.
Which brings me to a false belief I had about myself: that of being a lackadaisical flittering non-goal-oriented person (read: slacker). Having so many successful peers and friends ~ whom I'm so proud of(!), and especially so many loved ones who went through some professional school which has such a linear, "this, then that," kind of track with very obvious goals and credentials and then special titles and letters they get to use before and after their name to prove they mastered and accomplished something Important, I have seen myself comparatively as a Late Blooming wanderer and seeker who might just never "make good." Well, if I am a Late Bloomer, I have finally found some rich soil and am ready to thrive (do you see those flowers budding all over me?). And, can I set a goal and reach it?! Since this idea planted its seed deeply in my heart, I have been a woman obsessed about reaching this goal. Driven, determined, with jaw set, not allowing for distractions. AND HERE I AM!
And, wow, does this fruit taste good. It's everything I imagined it to be, and it's just the beginning! Right before I sat down to type this, my love hugged me extra hard before he headed off with our daughter to the playground. He whispered in my ear, "I love you. And I love this. Even more than I thought I would. Life really is better this way."
So, yes, I've been doing a bit of basking. I sat down with my journal at the turn of the new year. The new year is ponderful for me, just as it is for everyone. But my birthday falls just days later ~ on the fourth of January, so I feel like it could be extra ponderful for me sometimes. I was eager to begin playing in my Goddess Guidebook and see just how many goals I could accomplish with her fabulous tools. And that's when it dawned on me, how bout letting yourself soak up some of the magic of this huge life goal accomplished? ...Just let yourself relish it for awhile? What would that feel like? I could barely let myself write down the page before I had already come up with some goal or another, if only a small, general one. Then the page told me, "Live into the satisfaction of Being a dream manifestress. I'm not only a Dreamer, I'm a Visionary Dream Manifestress." Then I illustrated that as best I could with the Sharpies available.
photo of that page, with the shadow of the palapa fronds blowing in the breeze at sunset.
And continued, "How Juicy is that?
What does a dream manifestress look like?
How does she love?
Just like I do. LIVE INTO THAT."