Monday, October 31, 2005


whoa. lots about vegoose when my synapses are firing less technocolorifically.

for now, a commercial break:
i'd like to share with you a FANTAbuLOUS photographer of the blackrockcity variety and talent--patrick. he is one of my friends and an inspired photographer of beauty. his elegant images capture the independent, ferrel, poetic gorgeousness with which the playa teems every year.

check out his website:
and book:

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


there was a blip in the universe, a fold, an "and/or" and we passed.

troyboy and i were flying down "the" five in el caballero negro. bike totin' camping gear-laden costuming/freaky clothing galore. we were packed ready for anything and headed for a several-day adventure.
i reached into the back seat to grab something and felt unusually uncomfortable having my seatbelt off even for a minute.
we entered an area marked "high wind" and tb commented on how much more difficult the truck was to handle. after a few minutes, he said, baby--look around, i don't see any trees moving, do you? but the truck is not feeling right at all. for a flash he saw break trouble, saw us careening tumbling down the freeway.
a loud noise at the right rear of of senor negro, then a huge one. smoke. and a rough ride, kathump kathump kathump. backing off from 90 mph, tb navigated with a firm hand over into the right lane, then into the shoulder. once parked, we grabbed each other and just held on for a long time. then we got out of the car, and hugged some more.
the tire was shredded--wadded flaps of stinking rubber and metal thread, loosely connected around the rim (toyota--still good as new.).
our ETA set back an hour, some people might have gotten annoyed. but he said, well, i'm not in a hurry any more. we can take our time.
we felt grateful and in awe. that day, we were spared. and had blessed time on our hands.

"Happy the person who can endure both the highest and the lowest fortune," said the Roman writer and orator Seneca. "He who weathers such vicissitudes with equanimity has deprived misfortune of its power." According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Capricorn, you are currently having an encounter with the first thing mentioned in Seneca's formula--the highest fortune. May you navigate your way through this phase of lucky abundance without falling victim to arrogance, carelessness, or insensitivity. Halloween costume suggestion: a lottery winner doling out gifts.
(free will astrology)

sea lion

she said, if you have such an amazing relationship with this boyfriend of yours--go be. and leave me alone.
and i said, ok.

once again, she was right.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

por-"q"-pine (kinda like bar-b-q)

another flower offered to madamoiselle quill.
soundtrack: deathcab for cutie.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

lesson #5-billion-87


for many years my philosophy was to live without leaving a wake. i thought this was the peaceful solution--harming nothing and no one (and perhaps not getting hurt myself). a bunny rabbit with no teeth, i began to feel as if i passed through life as a ghost. no matter how active i tried to make my existence, i felt like i was on the periphery. successful in my own right, my victories won me no feeling of substance. when i chose to be herbivore no more--i'd been a vegetarian for twelve years, and all of my adult life--it symbolized my jumping back into the food chain of living, my willingness to bite and to get bitten. years later (how many has it been, ho-swah?) the effects have been sizeable and dramatic. surface ripples indicating deeper turbulances below. branches and fruit once held in the secret of unseen seeds.
lately i've felt as if i'd received some universal pardon, like there was a crack in the woodwork--a loophole in the redtape of life, i slid through, and somehow got lucky. perhaps the universe wasn't looking, or even forgiving me for pretending i was a filament of guileless plankton all those years (er somethin' like that). i was asking--and receiving!
used to skimming lightly over the surface, it's quite a challenge to captain this bigger boat. i make --what feel like-- small corrections to the rudder, and the thing veers wildly to one side.
so the issue that has been coming up a lot for me lately is that of responsibility. being accountable for the power to make waves. learning that it's absolutely essential for me to be deeply honest with myself, because my desires (realized or not) reach out to the world around me and create change. this former leaf-eater has pissed people off, hurt feelings, and lost potentially valuable friendships. and dammit, i can't sneak off to the bathroom and pretend it wasn't my fault.
friends who have known me all along are shaking their heads and rolling their eyes ONCE AGAIN. but this is what i showed up for. yes, i did sign on for the big ride, no matter how many times i've had to puke overboard in recent history. my prayer is that i have a few loved ones who are patient enough to stick it out with me. mistakes--hell, yeah. apologies, um--right here. excuses--some of that, too.
this lesson is banging me in the head, hurting pretty bad, and leaving an ugly bruise as a reminder. please cross your fingers i pass the test sometime soon. the transition to solid food has left bunnyluv, here, with a bellyache!
as i attempt to move on with grace and good humor, i needed to send this out to the cybersphere. wishing for the humility of that most wonderful friend --"beau"-- found naked and crumpled in a psychedelic pile by the med tent in black rock city, mumbling, "i get it.. ! i get it!!"

(btw--i apologize for the endless analogies, similies, and metaphors. what did we say they were, ho-swah?--semaphores? ha!)

(babies ho-swah and tif illustrate the effects of static electicity on freshman-greasy hair.)

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


wow. lock a bunch of freaks, 24-hour food service, photographers, and glitter on a big ol' boat for three days and whatta ya get?
love and magic.
i would have never considered going on a cruise. they're for old people and shuffle board, centered around excess, gluttony, and consumerism, with a bit of sunshine thrown in for redemption. it seemed that carnival was attempting to save its disneyfied cocacola soul (and make some more cash, of course) by inviting us artists/cirque/burners onboard to give their product a little hip (hype). ** of course when we were invited i was psyched--anywhere i go with my lucent family, be it the desert or the grocery, is the place for fun. what i didn't expect (that i should have) was how brightly all our freaky love made that boat shine. as soon as we got our bags dumped in our bunks, everyone was on deck in full effect--hooping, spinning, contact improving, making music, dancing, and just plain being gorgeous and playing and loving each other. it was astonishingly inspiring to see how much joy could be generated when so many of us come together, even in a venue that is so not "underground."
after lucent delirium, when the party got busted by the fire marshals and it was questionable whether "the do lab" as a location would even exist anymore (as we knew it), when so many community members came together to help in the clean-up effort (god, this is a long sentence), dream sent out a letter to everyone. she felt that we had been charged to take our message of light and love out and up into the "rest" of the world. i think this was the perfect explosive introduction.

troyboy was elated (wagging his doggie tail) to socialize and get to know everyone better (LA wonderlovelies, and other light-bearing folks, in general). i thrilled at getting to do some hardcore improvising with gobs and piles of writhing sexy people, AND--i had an absolutely orgasmic experience dancing with the Mutaytor. my hips were moved by the spirit that night.

**(though i do have to say that the organizer for the whole thing seemed very sincere and kind.)

photos: in whatever random order blogger tosses them:
tb and avo chillin' on deck,
ensenada nightscape,
lucents regrouping for another kickass performance later in the evening (after two full rounds of up-all-night fun),
a spontaneous samba parade that took over the whole interior of the ship. at 3 am.
me and some totally hot glitterfied-velvetized-ascoted, slicked-hair dude i found on the lido deck.
flaming lips rainbow balloon bouncing psychadelightfuliscousness.

these are our shots, but--
once again, gotta hand the mic to pixie. she rocks the photo house.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


soundtrack: nina simone's ne me quitte pas

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


In his poem "Jerusalem, Easter," Stanley Moss writes, "On this bright Easter morning / smelling of Arab bread, / what if God simply changed his mind / and called out into the city, / 'Thou shalt not kill,' and, like an angry father, 'I will not say it another time!' / They are praying too much in Jerusalem . . ." With this as your inspiration, Capricorn, I'd like you to meditate on two themes: 1) What crucial message do you keep getting from God or life but continue to ignore? 2) Is there a certain ideal you say you believe in but sometimes neglect to carry out in your day-to-day encounters?
(free will astrology, of course. last week.)


well.. ya see. i've gotten to hang with this chica the last few days down here in the los of angels.
she caught my attention, as (i'm sure) is the case for hundreds (and hundreds) of fanatic girls, with this tough-girl rockstar persona she has perfected. hat cocked and eyebrow raised just so. she pissed me off so much i considered telling her i didn't want to be near her, but i was too busy trying to get to know her better.

after a week of long-distance sparring and word duals, she took me out for sushi. i spent the next two days purring in her lap as she IM'd and conference called her way through busy work days. cool autumnal sunlight filtering through the blinds and filling the butter-colored walls of her small apartment with calm warmth.

within the distance of a breathed whisper her cheek is a sweet soft caress and her eyes are so deep and warm if you fell in, you might just not want to climb out.

i wrote that post yesterday. before we crashed and burned. before i had to accept that i had fallen in and did indeed not want to climb out.
and--i know--those of you who know me and love me were thinking all along, crushee, haven't we been over this one before??? and i said, but yeah, but this time it's different, and no one will be hurt and we will all be happy!
and that was yesterday. and someone of you, especially perhaps that you up near boston, are saying--see?? it doesn't work.

it doesn't work. not for me. perhaps i love too much or don't know when to stop or really am incapable of separating physical experiences from emotions as much as i like to think i can. and maybe i really am just as monogamous as i believed i might not be.

regardless. she's beautiful. i took it too far. and am extremely sad to see her go.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

fresh air

i had become city-fied without realizing it. just getting absorbed in what's going on, and what there is to do. troyboy and i escaped this afternoon to a trail in the lake tahoe area--big bend. the blue blue blue sky there always shocks me. it is the definition of sky-blue. and although we could still hear traffic from the interstate, i felt like the pine-scented air was cleaner going into my lungs. we hiked up up to the top of a ridge, with bald granite and conglomerate rock rubble, following cairns that marked the trail. through pine forest with yellowing fern undergrowth, random swarms of gnats, and a sprinkle of leftover purple flowers. our destination was a lake (he was in charge of the map, of course--i don't remember what the name of the lake was.. . ) that reflected sky-blue and rippled with a few idling mallards. we basked in the sun here, the breeze having just a bit of a nip to it at this elevation. couldn't stay long; troy had to get back to show up for a night shift. letting the momentum carry us, we galloped from rock to rock on the way down. (my favorite part of hiking an out-and-back--the hills that were hard on the way out are fun on the way back.) even being out of the city for a few hours, surrounded by beauty, good company, moving my body, and getting a little bit dirty--i feel so much more grounded and more myself.

Monday, October 03, 2005

check it out--

check out pixie's frickin otherworldly photos from lucent delirium!!

also, check out the events on our lucent dossier horizon. . !

the vegoose is not 100% solid, but we're booked for the cruise!
with that line-up--what fun/mischief/madness we're going to create!!

is this my life? surely the universe has me confused with another, much hipper chick.

from now until then, if you wonder what i'm doing --i'll be practicing dancing!! yeh!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

the do

fuckin' bad-assest party yet.