giving thanks

michael franti's words from Stay Human keep rolling through my head:






"i'm givin' thanks for bein' human every morning."


yeah. glad to be here.


photo: the NON-humans in my life charge their solar collectors on this glorious morning.

games.. and love?

"learn to recognize the SMELL of your OWN BULLSHIT."

i remember loud and clear. my several-time professor and long-time mentor, James Baker Hall (K-Y poet laureate~you can look him up. most of his stuff is really dark and sad.** photographer, too), pronounced this so many times in our round-table autobiography-writing classes. fluffy white brows furled, eyes bugging from glasses perched low on his nose, fingers dancing in space for extra emphasis. i will never forget the way he said that last word, "bool-she-it", rolling it around in his Kentucky-bred-and-raised mouth. maybe as if it were a gristly piece of country ham, tangy and potent and persistent. he got the point across. many times our lives are too painful, too ugly, too raw for us to bear to be present. we let go of the reins, and let autopilot take control. but we owe it to ourselves to tell our story. in the telling is the healing. and in the telling it is VITAL to get it straight~~to be responsible, and true. now, any good storyteller is going to weave her own spin. but may it be clear: that even though it's her side of the story, she is being honest to her own gut. to the way her heart knows the truth.
from the buddhist way of understanding, i am learning that lots of times our whole adult lives are spent in that autopilot non-awake zone. that the truth about living itself is too raw for us to bear: that things are constantly changing. that the objects and relationships and ways we identify ourselves that make us feel good one day, will not be that way the next. we try to hold onto something, to make it concrete, just as it melts and melds in its ever-changing liquidness. to be awake to this is risky, and the ultimate goal.

i feel like i've been catching myself at my own games recently.
have you been the recipient of this? i'm almost certain you have..

even though i come in a pleasant (for the most part. . ), well-intentioned package, i'm realizing again and again more and more that my motivations aren't what i thought they were. if i even thought to consider them before (not sure).
Thich Nhat Hanh's words keep coming to me over and over again lately, "what ARE you doing?" [my emphasis (thanks, Beth! :)] i feel like i should cloister myself (WITHOUT my cyber-pacifier) for a long while, or send myself out into the wilderness somewhere (no snow, please..) to be alone (with the trees and squirrels), and at least only manipulate myself.
it is a new venture for me: to see with compassion. i try to keep in mind the food for thought that Dar sent out~~that in essence, with every action, every one of us is desiring either to give, or to receive love. i look around~~at people, and their interactions, their games, their choices, and i try to see this dance of give and take. love love love.
i try to see this in myself. and i think, "awww, honey," as the little girl in me once again curtseys to win applause, as the adult in me tries to feed that hole, superficially, for the mean-time, pushing the same empty pleasure button. feeling like no more than a blinky spastic chemical ball that's just looking to get that next fix. only now as i reach ~ i'm stuttering~~"what ARE you doing?" i batter myself with this over and over throughout the day (sounds like a compassionate exchange, huh?) and am very tired by the end of the day. .. and then having dreams that are detailed and visceral. judgmental characters from my past come to scrutinize me as i apply makeup backstage. women who don't know me comment about how stinky my b.o. is.

i suppose that it's better that i'm seeing my own games, seeing the way i may be bullshitting myself (and, in turn many times~~you). that this is a step in the right direction, on the path i wish to travel. i'm showing up sometimes. sometimes in mid-movement, mid-sentence, mid-drama.
so if you notice this~~and feel a sudden lurch or swerve~~perhaps you might gently understand that it's just me, learning to drive without autopilot.

**i tend to disagree with him, in that: he left no room for humor. this was avoidance, in his eyes. to me, it seems to be a necessary survival skill. .

photo: me. today. here, but worn out.

thank you

"awww, maaaan, it's rainin'!"

rainy day!
rain all day..
ain't no use in gettin' uptight,
just let it
groove its own way
let it rain
your worries away.
lay back and DREAM!
on a rainy day!

had to do it. thanks, jimi. ..
ahhhhhh.

as soon as we got up this morning, sealion and i agreed pretty easily to doin' nothin'. gloomy rainy cold sunday. perfect for tall bloody marys with extra olives (what sunday isn't perfect for this, some may say! learned that from my blessed jiggley hipped sisters!! cheers to mz. goodvibes. and delicious melicious for adding the nutmeg. i remember a particularly beautiful sunny morning at mecca years ago when we had a large group rehoysal complete with the marys of blood that pretty melicious did makest for ussest. .. i digress and ramble still. ) and a movie (and cinnamon toast!! .. but they don't really taste good together. .. the butter gums up the dvd player, too.. ;-D ) (All the President's Men ~~ Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman ~~ a goody ) (let's see how many parentheses i can use.. ) (perhaps fill up this whole small paragraph with long parenthetical asides.. . ). (sealion was asleep before the burglars were even caught by the police.. oh no!! i gave away part of the plot!!! :-D ) (that is my favorite new typographic icon: the open-mouthed laughey-face. so friendly! :-D ) ("duuude, wake up and drink another bloody!!")
so the day dripped by cozy and relaxed into the night (although you could argue whether it was "daytime" at all, considering the sun never really came out.. ). and the time came: grocery run. el caballero negro took me splish-splash windshield-wipe on over to the co-op and i took my sweet rainy-day time luxuriating over the choices of whole wheat pasta and variety of nut-milks. .. (can you tell i've gotten to the "boredom" section of the evening?) and a sweet treat for the ride home. groceries bagged, treat in pocket, and out the automatic doors. i hunkered down against the dark rain and did the awkward-shopper-shuffle as i negotiated all the bags into one hand and dug in my purse for the keys with the other hand. walking walking, to el caballero who was parked on the street (just past the parking lot).
"scuse me! scuse me!" a woman's clear strong voice shouted from behind me. "mam, scuse me!" and i gotta admit to you, sadly enough~~there are so many folks asking for change around here (not just in LA or SF) that it is already easy for me to keep on walking. but, i reasoned, on this rainy night~~not too many are that eager. i turned around to see if she was shouting to me. a woman walked pointedly my way down the sidewalk, "do you need a ride??" she said. my figurative jaw dropped. "no, no," i replied, "i'm parked on the street. thanks so much for offering. you are so generous!!" under the street light i could see her smile, and we went our ways into the soaked darkness.

to that woman, i would like to extend a warm, dry, happy-bellied, "thank you."

music

the auditory landscape of WIDE WORLD OF TIF, as of late. ..
thanks to a fork in the road by Cheb i Sabbah (Krishna Lila), i've been on a world-music journey recently. lots of sampler albums, with a few specific artists.
Six Degrees 100, and Six Degrees Remixed (the latter is lots of times too electronic-y for me. i'm sure electronofiles probably know how to classify further, but i just know it's too much. )
this led me to Karsh Kale, and his album, Liberation. electronic and danceable.
after that, it has been all-world, not electronically mixed, with a duo of samplers from many countries that feature some really precious from-the-heart evocative vocals: An Introduction to Amiata's Secret World, volumes one and two. a few very dancey, lots just tastey to listen to..
from there, Meeting of Angels by Ensemble Gilles Binchois & Ustad Nishat Khan~~which is choral music and varying Indian stringed instruments and tabla. ethereal and meditative.
then: Kirwani ~ Essence of a Raag, by Krishna Bhatt and Zakir Hussain. sitar and tabla. mmmm. rich and luxurious.

fanatic

while i'm doing these commercial slots it seems i just can't help but do, i gotta rave about that lovely, frickin brilliant, Paul Newman. i've been in love with him for years, and who wouldn't be~~those twinkly mischief-filled eyes that could be taken so seriously if he weren't so damn hilarious. yup. i think he's the greatest. and then there's his food company: Newman's Own. . not only does he have those eyes and that grin~~he loves to COOK!!
well, he has been making these gourmet products (and now his daughter has an organic line) that are high-end, but high-quality. they taste good, and each product has its own silly story on the back in Mr. Newman's signature mischievous- ridiculous voice. and here's the thing~~he gives all the money from Newman's Own to charities. over 200 million by now!!
yup.
http://www.newmansown.com

It's Soy Delicious

i've discovered a frozen indulgence that i can live with. my problem with most non-dairy frozen treats (pretend ice cream) is that they replace the yummy creaminess and fat of the ice cream we all love with a bunch of sugar~~it might be organic, but it's still sugar. It's Soy Delicious has varieties (like the chocolate-peanut butter that i smile at right now) that are sweetened with fruit juice, brown rice syrup, and the like, which are much gentler sweeteners than good ol' sugar. the other ingredients are also natural foods you can pronounce. It's Soy Delicious has just enough fat in it not to feel empty, and doesn't have as much of that weird, "this just isn't ice cream~~what are you trying to get me to eat?" flavor of some non-dairy brands. (granted, if you eat the whole pint, it's still decadent, but not AS bad.)
hold on a second!! this sounds like i'm saying "if you HAVE to eat non-dairy, this stuff's not THAT bad.. " and i'm saying, there are lots of yummy veggie-vegan products that are still REALLY high in fat, and (especially) sugar. this is a yummy frozen dessert that isn't.

and. . if you turn the container around, you'll see that it says that the distributor, Turtle Mountain, Inc., donates funds to the Sea Turtle Restoration Project ( www.seaturtles.org and www.turtlemountain.com ).

sad shadow

today i invited Sad Shadow to go for a walk with me.



i knocked on her door and she answered. she was still in her pj's.
i said, "Hi, Sad Shadow! come outside and go for a walk with me!"
Sad Shadow said she might as well; she had nothing better to do.
it was a sunshine-pretty day. the sun felt warm on my back.
Sad Shadow said she hoped she didn't get a sunburn.
there were flowers blooming everywhere! and oranges hanging in the trees.
Sad Shadow noticed an orange on the ground that was rotten.
we stopped at a cafe and ate a cookie. it was yummy cinnamon flavor.
Sad Shadow said her half was dry and crumbly.
we walked by the park where there were lots of kids playing. doing cartwheels and shouting and laughing.
i said, "hey, Sad Shadow, that looks like fun! let's go play!!"
Sad Shadow said she wasn't very coordinated.
we picked some flowers on the way home. they were yellow and smelled like springtime.
i said, "these would look great on the table in a vase!"
Sad Shadow said she bet they would wither and attract flies.
when we got back, i walked Sad Shadow to her door.
i said, "maybe we'll go for a walk again sometime."
Sad Shadow said, maybe, because she didn't have any other friends.

the story of Sad Shadow is dedicated to Brer and Alyssum.

do-over!!

Ever wish for do-over days, tif? You know, hit the reset button and give 'er another shot?

Cool.

Will today work?

It's never too late,
The Universe
[this was my "note from the Universe" today. . ]

today
i'm sick of "process."
and if anyone tells me that "life is the journey, not the destination,"
i might just stomp on their foot.
today i want things to be simple~~for real.
no ambiguity
no hippie dippie mumbo-jumbo
no relativity.
black and white
this or that.
and i want to be on the "that" side.
i want there to be a Right Answer,
and for someone to share it with me.
i want "When everything's all said and done,"
to be said and done, and i want to be on the team that wins.
while i'm at it, i want everything
that tastes good be good for me.
everything that feels good be right.
i want the light at the end of the tunnel to be sunshine.
the moral at the end of the story to make sense.
i want to be the one who chuckles
~~huh huh huh!~~
convivially to her partner
and rides off into the sunset.

and, yes~~today~~
i do want fries with that.

kitty goes pro

now that she's moved out to california, kitty is officially accepting professional modeling gigs~~as seen here, in this shoot with photographer, Sealion..



on location in the studio at the 510!!

the divine

it IS
in you.

HIP-NO!

through tribe, i am a member of a creative cybergroup called Presentation Ogie. every week we have a new creative "assignment" we are given. sometimes, Roger, our Fearless Leader Ogie invites us to play a poetry game. other times he gives us a theme, for instance "color", or "elements," and invites us to send in images. for holidays, folks create cards.. sometimes collages, self-portraits... . it's a place where we have collective encouragement to tickle our imaginations and share with each other. this week, we were challenged to create superhero identities, in whatever media we chose.
i created the idea for HIP-NO(!) about a year ago, and finally got around to drawing her for Presentation Ogie.

here's the scoop:
yes, citizens!! it's HIP-NO!!
hailing from Planet Kali, HIP-NO sniffs out evil-doers and HIP-NO-tizes them with her powerfully mezzzmerizzzing wonder-hip-action!! when the evil-doer awakes from this powerful spell, he (that's right~~HE!! evil-doing ladies will have to be swayed by a different superhero.. ) is stunned, amnesiac-ally dis-remembering any evil he originally intended!
another evil-doer-turned-light-conveyer, thanks to HIP-NO! and her lightning-quick wonder-hip-action!!

may it begin with me

lovely Dar shared this quote on his blog and it has inspired me so much i wanted to share it. the concept~~that everyone is desiring to either love, or be loved (seems obvious enough, but this encapsulates it so simply and succinctly)~~has opened my eyes in the past few days in a way they weren't before. .

You can help transform the planet. It does not take many people focused on love to change the destiny of mankind, for love is one of the most powerful energies of the universe. It is thousands of times stronger than anger, resentment or fear.
For a moment, think of three people who could use your unconditional love, and send it to them. Imagine there are three people you would be willing to receive unconditional love from, and open to receive it.
Can you imagine how it would feel if your heart were open, if everywhere you went, you trusted, were relaxed, and knew that the universe was friendly? How would your life flow if you believed that your inner guidance was gentle and kind, and that people were sending you love wherever you went, and that you yourself broadcast a beam of love like a circle around everyone? How would your life change if whenever someone said something to you, no matter how it came out, you could recognize the love or need for love behind it? You would be constantly looking deeper to acknowledge and recognize the love within each being. By your recognition of love, you would bring it out and attract it to yourself.
As you go out to the world today, be aware of how you can express love through your eyes, through your smile, your heart, and even a gentle touch if it is appropriate. You came to earth as a community and all of you can send out a high loving feeling, a thoughtform of love, and offer it to each other. For the rest of today, be in your heart. Experience the love that is you, and as you do, be open to receive the acknowledgment of the beautiful light and love within you from others.

Homework: Think of some way you could surprise and delight someone tomorrow with an expression of your love.


by Sanaya Roman. Living with Joy.

good news!

freewill astrology horoscope for capricorns, the week of February 23:
"The language we use has a tremendous power to shape our experience. This is especially true for you right now. The words you choose to describe your feelings and adventures will tip the balance of your energy toward delight and vigor or else toward discouragement and apathy. The fewer negative perspectives you formulate, the better your health will be. To spur yourself in the right direction, make frequent use of beautiful words like the following (or create your own list): mellifluous, thrive, melody, luminous, undulate, freshening, reverence, primordial, shimmer."
http://freewillastrology.com

loved ones:
i am pleased to share with you a recent development in my life! i have signed on as a teammember for the website called the Good News Network. the site is undergoing a massive re-construction, and is not up right now. but here's the link: http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org , so you'll know where to look in the future. the mission: to share good news; not the boring, fluffy, vacuous kind, but the interesting, insightful, inspiring good news that happens all around us everyday.
as we grow the new site, i'll be doing "leg-work," like looking for article links on the web, for stories to write, and interacting with readers who visit the site. details are evolving, and i'm eager to get to work!!
this assignment seems perfect for me. in my own life, both internally and outwardly, i am making a conscious effort to focus my attention, more and more, on positivity~~to manifest it in my own life, and to encourage those i interact with. for years i have believed that our culture is obsessed with violence and decay. i have been very selective (to my friends' sometimes-annoyance) about what i view~~movies, tv, magazines,etc.~~b/c i don't wanna fill up that spongey tissue up there (in me noggin) with those images. as picky as i am with what i eat (and you know how picky i can be. . ) i might be even more selective about keeping my head free of negativity and violence. this said, i realize this might tend to give me a dillusional perma-smiley view on life, and create that image for myself when viewed by others. i don't want to "deny" any part of reality. i just choose to select what i dwell on and spend my free time imagining.
i believe you hit what you aim for: if you want to cross a stream, you focus on where you are going~~the mossy bank in the sun; not on the raging cold water beneath you. if you want to create love and light in your world, focus on spreading the light~~not on how inky the darkness seems.
today it seems "hip" to be jaded. it's cool and artful to expose how absolutely rotten things can be. in day-to-day conversation, it's much more acceptable to agree about how shitty things are as opposed to sharing what you dig about your life. half-empty glasses seem more popular than half-full.
i want to officially leave that to others (although... i'd be happy if the "others" felt like joining me! ;). my intention is to be honest, always. and also to constantly realize how much i frickin LOVE existing on this planet, and how frickin LUCKY i am even in my saddest cryingest most painful day, always. beauty is there for the seeing, and the perpetuating.
cheers to the Good News Network!! i'll fill you in as things progress!

master sheltowee

one day i will tell the whole enlightened story of Master Sheltowee, as it has been given to me by the Master himself. over the course of our journey West from k-y, he began to share more and more of the mystery.
when he came to earth, Sheltowee took the form of a stuffed koala in an effort to project peace and friendly intentions. he chose to live with me and brer, to closely absorb the ways of earthlings.
as he has grown more comfortable in c-a, especially after making his first journey to black rock city, more and more of his true nature has materialized. as he has absorbed the atmosphere out here, his psychic and telekinetic abilities, too, have been easier to call forth.
as well as enlightening, he has been a great companion to me throughout our friendship. he protects me always. he sends waves of peace throughout my bedroom to grant me restful sleep. he gives me insight, and ideas for creative endeavors.
[although right now, he feels like i have probably let on enough about his secret. too much at one time, and he might be found out.. ]

dragon

when i was little~~maybe.. 7-8 years old~~we visited my aunt and uncle and cousin often. my cousin amy was a teenager, and she was always out with her friends. she had posters of duran duran and the like on her walls, and her bedroom was all periwinkle and seafoam green striped. periwinkle was my favorite color, so i loved being in her room. she was a teenager(!), and this fascinated me~~that she stayed out late with her friends, listened to strange radio music, and dressed . .. like a teenager: it was the sweaters that come off your shoulder, stretch pants, leg warmers, and those thick many-stranded bead necklaces. she wore makeup. her eyelashes were very long and electric blue.

when we spent the night, i slept on a mattress on her bedroom floor. right next to her closet, with its clothes explosion, and right underneath an art poster from a chinese new year celebration. it was a picture of a dragon, with jeweled red eyes. as i lay in bed falling asleep, i felt as if the dragon were looking down at me with those firey red eyes. taunting and provoking and judging me. it made me uncomfortable. but i was a kid, and that was where my bed was. i didn't cover the dragon, or move the bed, i just lay there~~scared. one night, after i had gone to sleep despite the dragon, he visited my dreams. he was wild and animated and fierce. he wrought havoc on my dreamworld. it was terrible. i woke up, stunned. i took my periwinkle blanket, padded downstairs in my sockfeet, and slept on the couch.

i have always been afraid of dragons. recently, after averting my eyes from dragon images all these years, i looked at one. and i liked it. i liked the electric fireyness of it, and i liked its nature to stir things up!~~the random chaos. and that its body is just a little bit longer than i'd like for it to be. . .

dance~~part two!

"Wherever a dancer stands ready, that spot is holy ground." ~~Martha Graham












wow. experiencing a great rush of flow with writing the past few days!! bear with me, if you wanna.
so, yeah: "part two" of that most drama-filled story in my life most recently.

three excruuuutiating days laters, my phone rings, and it's Mz. Thang~~loud and clear. she's in the car, driving. how's it going, yeah fine.... after much discussion, we ladies would like to invite you to be an apprentice with UG. this would mean an intensive training process that would familiarize you with UG's particular style. how does this sound to you? pacing around while she spoke, i remember i nodded my head and was looking out the window of the front door as i said, "it sounds awesome! sounds great!" wiggling my butt in a little victory dance. details details, the official starting date for training would be february. her personnel person would be calling me with logistical info, how to make it worth my while to go into the city from sac, contract signing, etc. whatever~~i was doing my victory dance! closed my phone. i climbed onto sealion's back and he carried me around the house for my victory lap. he walked me into the kitchen and introduced me to bri: meet the newest UG apprentice!!
doo-doo doooo!! i trumpeted, as the phone conversation played and replayed in my head.
this is UG~~the dance company-ultimate in accomplishment to me for years. UG~~with Mz. Thang, director. i would get to dance on a stage with Mz. Thang as my director. how many times had i poured over their website, examining the photos, inspecting what the ladies wore, their dance position, their facial expressions, imagining what kind of relationships they had, and how glamourous they must certainly feel.
i uncorked the bottle of Gypsy Dancer pinot noir that sealion had so appropriately chosen for my birthday. now: we toast.
that night after sealion went to work i sat with this knowledge, intensely aware of how much dance has impacted my life. i thought about the women i have come to love so solidly through the dance. i extended my heart to those ladies from lexington, kentucky, filled with love and gratitude. in my mirror, i danced slowly, meditatively, and practiced the mudras of sri tarasita's dancer's prayer over and over. "i come here with love. it opens my heart and blesses the space around me as i gather knowledge, joy, and strength. i respect myself, my teachers, my ancestors and i lift this dance up to the heavens. its magic fuels the lifeforce around me and i give it back to the earth~~in music, sound, and movement. my fellow dancers and i come together focused in the temple of our minds."


photo: many-faced, many-hipped goddess of dance.
(sri tt, mel, and queenie queen at nema's, at thanksgiving-time)

alyssum alyssum aloo

today i want to extend a special shout out to that most fantabulous alyssum.
she is such a dedicated friend to me. she is a good listener. is light-hearted, while being very well-grounded at the same time. she is not afraid to share her opinions with me, while still holding respectful space for me to continue with my own view. she can be thoughtful and quiet, and outrageously funny and goofy! she is untamed and wild, yet sleek and distinctive. and she has a hell of a lot of perseverance and will-power! i admire her because she cares so much about the choices that she makes each day, is very mindful of them and her affect on the world around her, and inside herself. as wholly gorgeous a person as she is, i have complete confidence that wherever her path leads, the view will be perfect!

GO ALYSSUM!!! the dance of life is yours for the loving. :) :) :)

photo gratefully borrowed from alyssum's blog, "You know, Stuff", by Nikki Dedekian.

the door

i love our house here in sac. it's cozy yet spacious; giving each of the three of us plenty of room to do our own thang, while still being in the same home.
the cats have relaxed into it surprisingly well ("don't you guys realize HOW FAR away from home you are??!!"), lounging in the sunny spots, adjusting to the rhythm of the day in this new place, becoming increasingly comfortable around mr. mackindaddy. at first i thought i would need to keep them out of his space, but after initial cat-curious investigation, they seem not to hold much interest. cool. no white rodolfo-belly fur on bri's sweaters.

they are, however, continually captivated by the storage room downstairs. this is the unfinished "basement"-type room, where the washer and dryer are, and where we store our "stuff". unfinished, as it were, it also houses dark dusty spider-webbed crevices and drafty sun-illuminated openings that i have not had the courage to explore (delectable trouble, to the feline imagination!!). as we live on a flood plain, this area shows signs of damage from water (that have been concealed on the rest of the house), and also from the curiosity of a former resident pet. the door leading to the outside is rotten on the bottom, and chewed up. so~~there's a big frickin gaping hole under the door, ok? (i'd probably cover it somehow, but i resent that the landlord hasn't done this already.) my dad in me worries that the cats will get out and get lost and disappear (they're strictly indoor cats). wouldn't you know it, that's the room they are most interested in. everytime the door creEeaks open (the only door in the house that creaks, of course), the cats rush from whatever lazy thing they were half-doing STRAIGHT to that mysterious door and peek "innocently" around the corner.. .
rodolfo oftentimes saunters over, sniffs, and peers through the space under that closed door. sneaky kitty pretends to "eat" at the bowl while sideways glancing a chance to do her perfected darting maneuver as soon as you're not looking!

who's gonna win: gee, ya think? guess i'll be patching that damn door.

yoga

i have a new infatuation (well, besides UNMATA.. ): yoga. for years i knew that it was something i should do. but kinda like going to the dentist=really uncomfortable. i had a huge block about it in my head for the longest time. i am realizing it was my EGO, b/c i've never considered myself very flexible. i knew it would be challenging~~awkwardly exploding out of "tree pose", having my heels way up off the mat in "down dog". finally, i'm allowing myself to enjoy this process. i love it! just like the super-green, dis shit gotta be good fo you! i feel like i'm giving my body a gift everytime i practice. after a few classes, it's exhilarating to see what my body can do. and what a satisfying work-out. i haven't felt this full-body worn-out since i was an avid climber. my teacher, leah, is really passionate about it. it shows. when we're all doing our thing, it feels a lot like dance. her body glows with the flow of it.
what did they say, in hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, was the answer to life the universe and everything? i think it's yoga.

http://www.indigolotus.com/

lucent l'amour

www.garystevens.smugmug.com/Lucent%20Lamour

do my friends throw a party, or what? check out these photos of the space: an old catholic church in downtown LA. i dare say the best energy that building's ever housed was last saturday night. the outdoor courtyard acted as gallery; shrine's 3-D sculptural organic art growths added form to the flower garden. a wall was set up for hanging pieces, and a grafitti artist worked with orange and black lines as we mingled. a glass blower station backed up to the outside hedgerow. servers offered trays of vegan dessert decadence, and helios jive bumped until quiet hour was enforced. in the sanctuary (i love saying that) your favorite porter tinsley celebrated her birthday spinning the night open, david starfire, then bassnectar's dj lorin flipped and swirled his gorgeous long hair in time with delicious grooves as the throngs enveloped the stage and mounted the speakers in dance-tastic ecstasy. a throbbing mass of costume-drenching delight. at midnight (directly before this gyrational mass-bliss) my lucent loves performed their victorian-inspired "fashion show." marge simpson-esque hair-pile wigs (one made out of VHS tape! brilliant, adele!!), frame bustles three times as wide as the girls wearing them, and men in white tights. it started out stately and postured, with models walking out one-by-one as you'd expect, and progressed into ridiculous silliness. the grand-finale being dream, strawberry, and miyo stripping each other down, layer, by layer, by layer by layer of undergarment, a lucent-tageous orgy pile, and everyone~~as if a cop shined his beam on them, or the priest just walked in~~"remembering" themselves and all ending down on their knees in prayer. i laughed out loud through much of it, and probably hooted the guy's ear off who stood in front of me in the crowd. it was hard not being a part of the backstage fretting and onstage rush, but this was my first experience at an LA event with all my friends where i didn't perform. i just got to enjoy it responsibility-free. sealion and i had a great time being glamourous and mingling and shaking our booties. the mandatory post-party 3am Denny's breakfast followed ( i love the crowd you see at Denny's at 3 in the morning) [you're right; we didn't make it to the afterparty~~we pooped out at 3! ;) beau D and friends rolled into Abundant Sugar sometime before noon the next day, i hear.].

sealion and i had a grand time getting aquainted with some of the thrift (some not so "thrifty" these days, eh?!) stores around LA, in Silverlake, on Hollywood Blvd, and Melrose. we met up with tomas verde himself (of course he knows where to find the sharpest threads!) as he performed his pre-party shopping ritual madness, avec bullhorn. tagging along with this man means you're jogging to keep up, and ducking as innocent bystanders shoot strange glances. :) he's putting a red shimmering leisure jacket with rhinestone trim on hold for a friend he "knows will have to have it!" ( i saw the guy in it later that night, sho-nuff!) and asking the cashregister clerk, would she please, try on a blue and white rabbit fur jacket b/c she looks to be the same size as (one of) his latest object of affection. hilarity ensues.

Melrose was a bit much for me. this was my first serious brush with "that kind" of LA girl. (at first i said "'real' brush with", but is there anything "real" about these girls?) we stood behind one at a coffeeshop. she wore those jeans with the legs that pull up mid-calf, some straight-outta-the-boutique "trashy" logoed tshirt that bore her midrift, a padded shoulder white leather waist-jacket, hair in sleek/relaxed ponytail with just that right amount of conservative makeup, those big-ol LA japanamashun shades~~bubble gum pink, and to finish it off: white spiked heels with rainbow colored polka dots. i'm sure her little shoulder purse cost more than i spent on clothes in 2004. talking on her phone the whole time and poised as if she were royalty. ok. i'm done. sorry about that.
the phenomenon that really put me over the top: we shopped on Melrose on saturday afternoon, noticing some places that might be good for breakfast. returned on sunday morning to eat. both days we passed this one cafe with sidewalk umbrellas, where, the ONLY thing that attracted our attention were these obviously augmented breasts bulging out of a tight pink tanktop on a girl who was standing so that her face was in the shade of an umbrella. as we walked up and down the street over the course of an hour or so, we glanced back at her.. she just stood there. took a sip of her soda, shifted her weight on her feet.. checked her makeup in her compact.. . that was her job. to stand under that umbrella on the sidewalk, where her breasts stuck out like bubble gum balls from that pink tanktop, so that passersby would do a double-take on those big ol boobies and. . what? feel like stopping for a drink? still incensed. i'm sure i have much to learn in LA if this gets me fired up, but it does. same pink tanktop on both days, too. i wonder if they specify: this pink tanktop. yup. shows just the right portion of those big roundies. keep your face under the umbrella.
we stayed at abundant sugar again. those folks are so warm. that place invites me to feel calm, grounded, and present. we walked in on friday night as amber and her fire partner were having a photoshoot with roger on the dance floor. they spun for hours in the dark, with mylar confetti raining down from above, to reflect the flame! beau D took us next door where sean was constructing his latest burningman sculptures: welded wire frames of seahorses and seadragons which get stretched over with pretty fabric, then illuminated from the inside with all kinds of lights so that it looks like you can see their internal workings! brilliant! amazing! larger than life! (larger than us.. )
sunday was sealion's proud pierced day. the superest dooperest superkate showed us the place: prix. we hung out around "famous" hollywood for celebratory tequila, and then had dinner at sealion's new-favorite Doughboy's, where the single portions are big enough to feed a family, and the chili options are "pasta, beans, both, or neither." the red velvet cake is superkate's favorite.
monday before we headed back, marsi and hollis went with us to Millie's for breakfast. (they use words like "sin" and "mess" on their menu. :)
(did i leave out any dining experiences?? oh yeah: messy baked crab with ginger sauce at Sam Woo's. yum.)
being with my friends in LA reminds me immediately of the person i want to become, my potential, and my highest, truest self. i am energized and refreshed and motivated, filled with love and gratitude. pretty darn cool.

photos: responsibility-free, i left my camera at home for the party!
superkate reclining at the beanbag store (highly recommended!)
sealion and i snuggling post-party at AS
playa fur blanket happy comfort