dance~~part one!

this section of story is dedicated to the new notion that i'm allowed to be a beginner. new experiences are allowed to be new and exciting! things that might be "so last year" to others, are still allowed to be fresh to me.
"i respect where i am right now." lessons i am still learning.

ok. tonight i will tell you [the first part of!!!] the story of how i auditioned for UG~~the story that has been my internal (and most times external) drama for . . two months now. it all started way back when i visited the K-Y for thanksgiving. Mz. Thang herself ~ you know the one! the objet du crush, and mentor of my dance practice, ever since i first laid eyes on her snake-a-licious gyrations at Spirit of the Tribes how many years ago ~ she "tribed me" up and invited me to audition for her company. and invited me to hang with her in the city while i was at it. well, talk about beside myself. i was way-flattered. and starry-eyed. i'd interacted with Mz. Thang enough not to blush everytime i talked to her, only most times.
this really threw me for a loop and a half. i was so content playing with my lucents that the thought of dedicating myself to something "other" was off the radar. [i had entertained the idea of pursuing some more intensive bellydance "on the side," while always maintaining Lucent Dossier as my main focus.] i love what we do. i love our vision, i love the spirit that drives and unifies us. we are green and voluntarily innocent hearts-on-our-sleeves passionate glitter-dousing follow-your-bliss love-spreaders, vision-seekers and dream-makers. mystical and spiritual to the core, our play is directed to the goddess and god that is us all. my family. i have learned and grown so much in the short time i've been with them.
"should i, shouldn't i" was the ponderific focus for weeks. well, first things first. you need to audition before you can entertain the idea of performing with company. never hurts to audition. always good experience, good practice, etc. everyone i dared tell thought it was a grand idea. i had Dream's blessing. by the due-date i sent in my resume' (the first step in the process). i rode the train to oakland to spend the day with Mz. Thang and to attend my first bellydance class since my californian arrival. class was fun. Mz. Thang and i drank beers. i slept in the guest room. we walked her dogs.
my resume' was accepted. the audition wasn't for a "whole nother" month. that meant i had a whole month to.. . fret. "should i, shouldn't i," and every variation. what did it all mean. friends, enemies, alignments, dreams, career, time, commute, commitment, stress, good, bad. the universe and the golden path it placed before me. every poem, horoscope, or random phrase i noticed held significance in my daily ponderance. in san francisco a week before the audition, i decided not to do it. and the day after that, agreed to do it.
auditioning went well. there were two parts: a group choreography we learned there, and performed in groups of three. this was as much about personality and attitude as it was about moves, so i had fun with it. the second part was for each individual to present a piece she'd prepared, to the music of her choice. no longer than ten minutes. i auditioned with music i like (two bjork songs and a beck), that i like to move to, and let myself be ok with the performance i gave. it was not polished. at some moments i was present, at other moments i was off in that void of space shared by deer in headlights. i wore a costume that was mostly my design, with my first-ever, arrived in the mail the day before, pair of melodia pants (~all pro dancers have a pair, right?). this was a victorious day for me: the day i stepped forward and considered myself a prime candidate to dance with UG. i looked over the last five-and-some years, and felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this gift of dance that had changed my life so wholly. after the audition i walked around downtown and fisherman's wharf, basked in the sun and relished in the crowd (on a sunday): artists showing their wares, bmx'ers tricking on a monument, couples on rollerblades and daddies with strollers. i drank a beer and enjoyed the hustle of san francisco around me. this was my first day in the city by myself. i felt like a big girl. i knew how to get where i needed to go, and had something to celebrate. i celebrated myself.

photo: big girl in the city, on BART after the audition.