Saturday, September 18, 2010

Wake Up Call ~ part two

From my astrologer, Rob Brezsny (a recap):

Capricorn Horoscope for week of August 19, 2010

The poet Jean Perrin dreamed "of marrying the dawn with the light of the moon," and I invite you to do the same. The darkness you've been immersed in will leave you soon. As it does, please don't forsake the pale, moon-like radiance that has provided you with a bit of guidance and consolation. Rather, bring along what it has taught you as you head into the far brighter phase you're entering. In other words, retain some of the wisdom the dim light has compelled you to learn.

In part one of this essay, I only partially responded to this thought-provoking horoscope from Rob Brezsny; I heard the good news, but I didn't heed the advice. What have I learned during this watery moon time? What wisdom will I take with me into the Sunshine?
It has definitely been a moon-centered time - creating and growing a child is all about dark feminine energy! Moist, soft, and fertile, quiet and slow. Many women grew up thinking of themselves as future mommies. But not me; it wasn't until I met the father of my child at age 29 that I even entertained the idea for any amount of time. Learning to trust that I was mommy-material took a huge amount of inner growth. Am I reliable? Am I trustworthy? Am I Responsible? Am I a worthy example to follow? These questions weighed on my heart. When my husband left to return to work mere days after Anjali emerged from my belly, I wept deeply with the intimidating task at hand, still very much recovering physically from a week-long labor and subsequent emergent C-section. Anjali was a patient but insistent teacher.
I am delighted to have this little person to share life with. Every day she blossoms more and more into herself. I marvel in her fresh eyes and creative wisdom. And I feel confident and good in my role as Mommy-guide-partner to this wondrous being. What a gift from the Moon!

I have also come to rest strong in my understanding of nutrition and good food. This understanding - that we are animals, just like every other animal, that evolved to eat a certain way to meet our bodily needs - makes ultimate sense to my core. We are not zebras, birds, cats, or even gorillas; we are humans with certain physiological characteristics and evolutionary expectations that demand for optimum functioning that we eat certain things. Our clever minds may talk us into believing we can do it differently. We might create things in labs that, on paper, seem to meet our needs. But Nature is magically holistic. We are not merely the sum of our parts or the end of an equation. As much as my herbivore-commiserate heart would love to believe different: To create viable offspring* we need to eat animal products. "Life takes life." This truth is no less Earthly than a migrating butterfly, a running cheetah, or a hitchhiking dandelion seed on the wind. It is not right or wrong or good or bad; it just is. HOW we go about it is what determines whether our actions have positive or negative results. And in the end the trees will eat us just as we have eaten.
(*whether we believe humans should be allowed to continue is another topic altogether. And in the end, we won't be the ones to decide, thankfully. "Nature bats last.")
The details - the what and the how - are what I learned and cooked for years as I studied the work of Weston Price and volunteered and apprenticed at Three Stone Hearth community-supported kitchen. Good Food isn't a fad or fashion, it is a way of knowing whereby our ancestors thrived, that was passed down to the next generation through culinary tradition. And though our lifestyle has changed dramatically over the last 100 or so years, our guts have not. Good Food tastes delicious and deeply satisfies our hunger because it meets our needs at the cellular level. This tradition of nourishment is my largest wealth of knowledge and my greatest passion. (For more of this hearty deliciousness, I invite you to step into my kitchen, food-a-file.)

What other knowledge can I take with me into the sunshine? I'm learning how to be my own friend. That my negative-feeling emotions aren't "bad" things that need to be stuffed, squelched, and hidden, but guideposts to help me hear my inner truth and how to take care of myself. I'm learning to listen to anger, jealousy, and fear to hear what they have to teach me. I'm learning to be less hard on myself, and also more gentle on my self. I'm learning that deep nourishment heals - it's no longer just something I "should" do, it's something I want to do. I even might be learning that the different phases of my cycle and the way they effect me can be gifts to USE instead of biological curses to rue. (maybe. ;)

A huge gift of knowledge from the Moon: I have Integrity. Probably I learned as a kid to perform in order to receive approval from everyone I met. I was a chameleon who lapped up praise and attention like a cat licks cream. But I didn't know who I was, or what I was or wasn't willing to agree with/to in order to gain that acceptance. I was a whole lot of fun, but I wouldn't call myself consistent or honest (perhaps especially with myself). I trust myself now. I know what I believe and I don't need you to agree with me to feel ok about myself.
Now I'm ready to be fun again. :)
good stuff here
I've been pretty lonely. The last few years have been solitary. But I've found that I have a few (wonderful!!!) friends, and I've even made a few. They have stuck with me even when I didn't feel stick-worthy. They have believed in me when I didn't believe myself. What a blessing! Mirrors to reflect my truth. Deep pockets of real wealth. Thank you! I love you!

Very importantly, I've learned to really trust my husband. Throughout our relationship I believe I have been testing him, possibly even trying to get him to go away. He is solid. He might not understand every aspect of my mysterious and watery being, but he supports me. He truly desires to help me be the best Me possible. At our best together, our strengths balance and enhance each other. At our worst - at least we are willing to stick it out together, and don't mind quickly kissing and making up, even when we agree to disagree. Ahhh. We are blessed.

Well, it sounds as if I *have* learned a few things! Moon Mother may I: please go play in the sunshine? (and from what I've been learning about Vitamin D - I'm hoping I can keep myself feeling sunny even far north of our tropical paradise! This sounds promising...)

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