Monday, September 13, 2010

Unrealistic Expectations

one of the thousands of handwritten dedications
to the BRC 2007 Temple

Unrealistic expectations:
Re-membering Flying Fish
When I was rehearsing with
Lucent Dossier, I spent many nights there at the Do Lab, sleeping in the same bed as my mentor and director, Dream. One morning we woke to be facing each other with our heads still on the pillows. She told me she saw a fish in me and asked me if I had a totem animal. That day as we talked while we worked on costuming, she inspired me to adopt the flying fish as my totem animal*. This symbolized embodying the dreams in our life that seem impossible - fish swim; they don't fly. But a flying fish does both with ease. My motto after that became Live the Impossible.
Along the way I gave this up. Tucked it away with the other idealistic memorabilia from that era of my life.
But now I'm bringing it back. Living the life of your dreams might sound impossible. Somebody's gotta do it. I'll take this one for the team.

In response to Far Beyond the Stars':

It’s never too late to start having unreasonable expectations for yourself….

  • I want to be flexible, strong, and active when I'm 70.
  • I want to have a thrilling sex-life with my husband. More than the excitement of new discovery, I desire the kind of fun that can only come from deep knowing and all-out trust.
  • I want to live intimately with Nature ~ to have my life be lived daily as much or more outside than inside.
  • I want to have the kind of relationship with my daughter where she trusts me enough to be candid and frank with me when she's 25.
  • I want to feel confident and fabulous in my body once and for all, embodying the goddess-manifest that is my birthright. I am ready to step into my power, leaving behind the lies and distortion of our culture's view of "health" ~ they can kiss my round ass as I stride confidently toward the truth. I'm ready to represent.
  • birthright

I intend to make more bold moves and fall asleep with fewer regrets. For a while here on this blog I played polite and tried to fit this image of some blog that is not mine. I was still being sincere, but I wasn't being 100% me. I'm much juicier than that. It is my goal to continue this "living out loud," as was one of my favorite quotes for a long time from Emile Zola. It feels much more adventurous.

*Later Edition: I have since realized that I don't really know what a "totem animal" is. I have read that some Native Americans take this concept seriously, and don't appreciate "New Agey" white folks using the term disrespectfully=without a full understanding. So I want to acknowledge that. Until I learn more, I will say that the flying fish is an animal that inspires me, and an idea I'd like to continue striving to live up to.


Alyssum Pohl said...

Smack that ass! (o: you go, girl.

Tiffanie said...

smack! ; D

josh and tiffany said...

hell yeah sister! nobody rocks the boat like you. when are we gonna cut a new album?

6512 and growing said...

Reading through your blog makes me want to buy Wild Fermentation NOW.

And, by the way, I grew up in that crazy city by the bay (berkeley)

Tiffanie said...

6512 and Growing ~
Wild Fermentation is a must-read! Sandor Katz is a man after your own heart, for sure. It's not just a recipe book, but a manifesto! i highly recommend his other book, The Revolution Will Not Be Microwaved, as well. his is such good stuff ~ really some of the best!

(yes ~ they don't call it Berzerkeley for nothing! ; D )
thanks for reading. : )

Tiffanie said...

Josh ~ I would be delighted to make music with you again! Let's do it! : D