from our cross-country trip in 2005 ~ rainshower on the horizon.
From Rob Brezsny: "Life always delivers the creative energy you need to change into the new thing you must become."
As I sit here snuggled with a napping tiny girl, I look out the window, and: am I seeing things, or ~ is it raining?
In the Mediterranean climate of the Bay Area, summer is the dry season. It might rain once the whole season. And instead of a classic, White Christmas-style winter, we have a rainy season. This reminds me of so many years past, sitting in this same place: the expectation of the gray time, and anxious dread that I will go under again ~ into that foggy, nebulous, apathetic-unmotivated-sad-darkness of a hermit hole-turtle shell. And re-emerge: when? (wow! it's crazy-enlightening to go back and read all those posts [and even more so ~ the silences in between...] that are so indicative of the recurrent nature of this "Low Frequency", as my friend Michaelah calls it! ready for a solution? um. yeah.)
On the Lucent Dossier website, they now have a page for the Oracle ~ a weekly horoscope-like drawing of a stone and expounding on its wisdom. Here's one that caught my attention in the same week as my Bold Awakening settled in:
My best girlfriend Woo confronted me with this question during late-night wine sipping on our recent girl-trip. I didn't feel like talking about it, because I'm feeling Up right now and would like to pretend that Down is never a possibility Ever Again, but she persisted (oh-so-lovingly and -gently ;-): what do you experience when you're depressed? What does it feel like? What would you like for your friends to do to help you when you're There?
Though I can describe how I feel when I'm There, I honestly didn't have an answer for her to that last question. But I'm ready to try to figure things out while I'm Here ~ in an Up place. Ready to gather the tools to help myself if/when I feel that way again. I'm not wanting to dwell on it or label it dysfunctional to give myself more baggage, but just to be mindful, open and extending for help. Empowered. Equipped. I am afraid. And I'm trying to use that fear as energy and a guiding light into the darkness.
I believe I have a leadership position to fulfill and that its time is coming soon. I'm not really sure how it will materialize or what it will look like. But I'm ready to prepare myself for that position, and to move on with awareness from this Moon-dominated period.
Right now I'm observing the patterns that exist, talking with friends, regularly taking fermented cod liver oil (for brain function) and nettle infusion (for energy), and researching Vitamin D supplementation.
If you have a suggestion for me, or if you have a vision of me as a leader, please let me know.