Wednesday, October 12, 2005

lapkitty

In his poem "Jerusalem, Easter," Stanley Moss writes, "On this bright Easter morning / smelling of Arab bread, / what if God simply changed his mind / and called out into the city, / 'Thou shalt not kill,' and, like an angry father, 'I will not say it another time!' / They are praying too much in Jerusalem . . ." With this as your inspiration, Capricorn, I'd like you to meditate on two themes: 1) What crucial message do you keep getting from God or life but continue to ignore? 2) Is there a certain ideal you say you believe in but sometimes neglect to carry out in your day-to-day encounters?
(free will astrology, of course. last week.)

----

well.. ya see. i've gotten to hang with this chica the last few days down here in the los of angels.
she caught my attention, as (i'm sure) is the case for hundreds (and hundreds) of fanatic girls, with this tough-girl rockstar persona she has perfected. hat cocked and eyebrow raised just so. she pissed me off so much i considered telling her i didn't want to be near her, but i was too busy trying to get to know her better.

after a week of long-distance sparring and word duals, she took me out for sushi. i spent the next two days purring in her lap as she IM'd and conference called her way through busy work days. cool autumnal sunlight filtering through the blinds and filling the butter-colored walls of her small apartment with calm warmth.

within the distance of a breathed whisper her cheek is a sweet soft caress and her eyes are so deep and warm if you fell in, you might just not want to climb out.


--
i wrote that post yesterday. before we crashed and burned. before i had to accept that i had fallen in and did indeed not want to climb out.
and--i know--those of you who know me and love me were thinking all along, crushee, haven't we been over this one before??? and i said, but yeah, but this time it's different, and no one will be hurt and we will all be happy!
and that was yesterday. and someone of you, especially perhaps that you up near boston, are saying--see?? it doesn't work.

it doesn't work. not for me. perhaps i love too much or don't know when to stop or really am incapable of separating physical experiences from emotions as much as i like to think i can. and maybe i really am just as monogamous as i believed i might not be.

regardless. she's beautiful. i took it too far. and am extremely sad to see her go.

2 comments:

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alyssum said...

love, keep loving. You have such beauty and sweetness to share, and I KNOW you can do it in a constructive way for EVERYONE. don't give up. Keep loving. Love is not lazy. Kitties can laze in laps of many, but to truly love, you mustn't fall into the trap of laziness.