Monday, October 19, 2009

a year ago



i was acting on faith when i took that leap.
we jumped into the deep and treaded.
and treaded.
for a very
very
long time.
we worked so
hard, you and i.
in the end
(the beginning!)
you were more important
than any
principle
i tried to hold or
point
i felt i needed to prove
(fear i resisted facing...).
hands down no doubt about it.
yet still
i was acting on faith.
but today as i hold you in my arms with your head upon my chest and your sleep-sweaty hair sticks to your pinky cheek so that i may gaze at you for a long time and marvel,
i reach back in time to one year ago
and whisper
in that utterly exhausted mommy's ear:
"it's worth it!"
you're worth it. you're worth all of it. all of that.
somehow i feel as if i must have heard.
letting go
(of stubbornness,
and the vision
of how it
"was supposed
to happen"),
i gave in
to ultimate
vulnerability.
i closed my eyes and went down.
and you came up for air.

2 comments:

Randi Skaggs said...

Wow, I can't believe it's been a year already! Happy birthday to both of you! And I love what you say about wishing you could whisper into your own ear how worth it it will be. That's so true, and so beautiful.

Alyssum Pohl said...

beautiful words, i love the idea of hearing from your wise-self, a year later, encouraging you the year before. it'll be almost exactly a year later that i come to visit too! can't wait to see and experience all the changes, the new way you all are living your lives now. and to see the chickens! (o: