Wednesday, August 12, 2009

pertinent, but rambling nonetheless

blogging is like any other habit.  the more you do it, the easier it is to do.  some days, when i'm really in the groove, i write more than one post.  and then sometimes weeks go by and i don't feel that i have anything worthwhile to post.  for me and my process, i think it is most important just to write, to check in with myself and assess what is going on with me and my self and my life.  
there has been something bothering me for a while:  i continue to have a frustration with being on the computer.  i feel that when i am on the computer, i have plugged my head into some Matrix-like existence that is other than the here and now.  this bothers me.  but the way in which i communicate, express myself, and, largely, learn about the world around me is by being online.  i fantasize sometimes that i could just give the computer away and never go online again (we used to live that way, right?).  but then i'd have to use the telephone. . (ha!  it's true though, those of you who know me are aware.)..  most of the people whom i care about, other than my husband and baby of course, don't live near me or anywhere close.  so the internet enables me to feel closer to loved ones who aren't, and . . facilitates *not* fostering a community where i actually live.  and right now when my baby is sleeping i could be doing any number of productive or simply pleasurable activities on this sunny morning in Berkeley.  but instead i have my head in this box.  the computer draws me in like the tv in a restaurant that's playing a baseball game that my eyes just get drawn to whether i want to watch it or not (and i don't).  so here i am, writing this rambling post.  i have attempted to write with my hand and a pen when i get the mood to blog.  but honestly, i learned to write on a computer keyboard.  it is so much more effortful to move a pen with my hand than to type on a keyboard (in college i did get myself a non-electric typewriter to be like those writers i admired, but it's sooo much harder to push down those keys!!), and by the time i do it i've lost my train of thought.  or maybe the exercise of writing is better for that very reason.  i have always tended toward the Luddite.  [and to romanticize and idealize it.  i often fantasize about living at a Zen monastery farm in Marin county. .. or maybe France ~ as long as i'm fantasizing.. ;-)  but even Buddhist monks and nuns use the computer.]   
i think a *lot* about what i put out into the world.  i censor myself a lot.  so as an exercise for myself, i'm going to actually publish this post in its rambling coffee-before-adequate- nourishment spastic nature.         

4 comments:

Alyssum Pohl said...

i feel like that a lot too. and/but I'm glad that friends like you and I are able to remain tight-knit despite our geographical distance and long droughts of hearing one anothers' verbal voices.

Tiffanie said...

i agree, Alyssum ~ my friendship with you is one of the reasons i am thankful for the cyber-connection.

Sarah said...

I found this blog completely at random, but I have to say I feel much the same way.

I don't know my neighbour's name, but here I am talking to a stranger on the other side of the world.

Modern life is so strange!

woo said...

I love that you post blogs...rambling or no....I love hearing what you're thinking. I do have a question: Do you feel the same sense of satisfaction/cathartic-ness when you type as when you write on paper?