Wake Up Call ~ part two

(soundtrack: India.Arie's "Strength, Courage, and Wisdom")

From my astrologer, Rob Brezsny (a recap):

Capricorn Horoscope for week of August 19, 2010

The poet Jean Perrin dreamed "of marrying the dawn with the light of the moon," and I invite you to do the same. The darkness you've been immersed in will leave you soon. As it does, please don't forsake the pale, moon-like radiance that has provided you with a bit of guidance and consolation. Rather, bring along what it has taught you as you head into the far brighter phase you're entering. In other words, retain some of the wisdom the dim light has compelled you to learn.

memento

In part one of this essay, I only partially responded to this thought-provoking horoscope from Rob Brezsny; I heard the good news, but I didn't heed the advice. What have I learned during this watery moon time? What wisdom will I take with me into the Sunshine?

It has definitely been a moon-centered time - creating and growing a child is all about dark feminine energy! Moist, soft, and fertile, quiet and slow. Many women grew up thinking of themselves as future mommies. But not me; it wasn't until I met the father of my child at age 29 that I even entertained the idea for any amount of time. Learning to trust that I was mommy-material took a huge amount of inner growth. Am I reliable? Am I trustworthy? Am I Responsible? Am I a worthy example to follow? These questions weighed on my heart. When my husband left to return to work mere days after Anjali emerged from my belly, I wept deeply with the intimidating task at hand, still very much recovering physically from a week-long labor and subsequent emergent C-section. Anjali was a patient but insistent teacher.
I am delighted to have this little person to share life with. Every day she blossoms more and more into herself. I marvel in her fresh eyes and creative wisdom. And I feel confident and good in my role as Mommy-guide-partner to this wondrous being. What a gift from the Moon!

I have also come to rest strong in my understanding of nutrition and good food. This understanding - that we are animals, just like every other animal, that evolved to eat a certain way to meet our bodily needs - makes ultimate sense to my core. We are not zebras, birds, cats, or even gorillas; we are humans with certain physiological characteristics and evolutionary expectations that demand for optimum functioning that we eat certain things. Our clever minds may talk us into believing we can do it differently. We might create things in labs that, on paper, seem to meet our needs. But Nature is magically holistic. We are not merely the sum of our parts or the end of an equation. As much as my herbivore-commiserate heart would love to believe different: To create viable offspring* we need to eat animal products. "Life takes life." This truth is no less Earthly than a migrating butterfly, a running cheetah, or a hitchhiking dandelion seed on the wind. It is not right or wrong or good or bad; it just is. HOW we go about it is what determines whether our actions have positive or negative results. And in the end the trees will eat us just as we have eaten.
(*whether we believe humans should be allowed to continue is another topic altogether. And in the end, we won't be the ones to decide, thankfully. "Nature bats last.")
The details - the what and the how - are what I learned and cooked for years as I studied the work of Weston Price and volunteered and apprenticed at Three Stone Hearth community-supported kitchen. Good Food isn't a fad or fashion, it is a way of knowing whereby our ancestors thrived, that was passed down to the next generation through culinary tradition. And though our lifestyle has changed dramatically over the last 100 or so years, our guts have not. Good Food tastes delicious and deeply satisfies our hunger because it meets our needs at the cellular level. This tradition of nourishment is my largest wealth of knowledge and my greatest passion. (For more of this hearty deliciousness, I invite you to step into my kitchen, food-a-file.)

What other knowledge can I take with me into the sunshine? I'm learning how to be my own friend. That my negative-feeling emotions aren't "bad" things that need to be stuffed, squelched, and hidden, but guideposts to help me hear my inner truth and how to take care of myself. I'm learning to listen to anger, jealousy, and fear to hear what they have to teach me. I'm learning to be less hard on myself, and also more gentle on my self. I'm learning that deep nourishment heals - it's no longer just something I "should" do, it's something I want to do. I even might be learning that the different phases of my cycle and the way they effect me can be gifts to USE instead of biological curses to rue. (maybe. ;)

A huge gift of knowledge from the Moon: I have Integrity. Probably I learned as a kid to perform in order to receive approval from everyone I met. I was a chameleon who lapped up praise and attention like a cat licks cream. But I didn't know who I was, or what I was or wasn't willing to agree with/to in order to gain that acceptance. I was a whole lot of fun, but I wouldn't call myself consistent or honest (perhaps especially with myself). I trust myself now. I know what I believe and I don't need you to agree with me to feel ok about myself.
Now I'm ready to be fun again. :)

good stuff here

I've been pretty lonely. The last few years have been solitary. But I've found that I have a few (wonderful!!!) friends, and I've even made a few. They have stuck with me even when I didn't feel stick-worthy. They have believed in me when I didn't believe myself. What a blessing! Mirrors to reflect my truth. Deep pockets of real wealth. Thank you! I love you!

Very importantly, I've learned to really trust my husband. Throughout our relationship I believe I have been testing him, possibly even trying to get him to go away. He is solid. He might not understand every aspect of my mysterious and watery being, but he supports me. He truly desires to help me be the best Me possible. At our best together, our strengths balance and enhance each other. At our worst - at least we are willing to stick it out together, and don't mind quickly kissing and making up, even when we agree to disagree. Ahhh. We are blessed.

Well, it sounds as if I *have* learned a few things! Moon Mother may I: please go play in the sunshine? (and from what I've been learning about Vitamin D - I'm hoping I can keep myself feeling sunny even far north of our tropical paradise! This sounds promising...)

Plastic is Forever

(this is also the title of a blog.)

Haven't done an ad-VER-tissment or public service announcement in a while...


For years now, I have had a passion for avoiding plastic if at all possible. Not only is plastic aesthetically displeasing to me, it is toxic to our bodies - especially for tiny young people (and the marine life who unintentionally ingest it), and IT NEVER GOES AWAY.

I have felt fanatical along the way (even though our house is by no means plastic-free, still) - investing in cloth shower curtains, washing, rewashing, and then tying knots in produce bags that I already had, avoiding buying yummy items like fresh mozzarella and cottage cheese that are packaged in plastic, and trying to make successful homemade alternatives to personal care products like deodorant and shampoo to replace plastic-bottled products (which often contain petroleum products - even if they are marketed to be "green" and healthy!).
My attention was drawn to a blog, Fake Plastic Fish, written by a woman who has taken this preoccupation (once you take notice, you realize plastic is in and on most everything!) to the next level. Here's her list of tips on how to live new-plastic-free. I was pleased that I was already putting many into practice. And also moved to step up my efforts a notch.

the things that have collected on our fridge

As we prepare to pack up our stuff and move, I am made to pause and look: to take in the details that are our daily existence here in this gentle, sunny home.

Today: the stuff that decorates and clutters our fridge doors (and the washer/dryer that are right beside the fridge). They do tell a story of our history and Family here.

(my camera has died so i have only my phone, and some bad lighting. but i'm rolling with it, inspired to Do More Things Badly!)

perhaps the first item ever put on the fridge: there is an artist who frequents the farmers' markets in the area ~ mainly at the Ferry Building in SF ~ who props a tiny, old-fashioned typewriter

on his lap and creates poems for passersby on-the-spot.

The week we first met and fell instantly-in-love with Austin. Birthdays. Magic and Spice.

"Baby Mommy" ~ as I describe her to my little one ~ on my fourth birthday.

'Jali's first Burn. Mommy circa 1996(?).

New Year's Eve 2008, and the hand-drawn stocking that Sealion's co-workers created

for their 2007 holiday decorations ~ with a jug of raw milk in it ~ absolutely perfect!

Inspiration: from Hafiz

~The Sun in Drag~

You are the sun in drag.
You are God hiding from yourself.
Remove all the "mine" - that is the veil.
Why ever worry about
Anything?
Listen to what your friend Hafiz
Knows for certain:
The appearance of this world
Is a Magi's brilliant trick, though its affairs are
Nothing into nothing.
You are a divine elephant with amnesia
Trying to live in an ant
Hole.
Sweetheart, O sweetheart
You are God in
Drag!

Unrealistic Expectations

one of the thousands of handwritten dedications

to the BRC 2007 Temple

Unrealistic expectations:
Re-membering Flying Fish
When I was rehearsing with Lucent Dossier, I spent many nights there at the Do Lab, sleeping in the same bed as my mentor and director, Dream. One morning we woke to be facing each other with our heads still on the pillows. She told me she saw a fish in me and asked me if I had a totem animal. That day as we talked while we worked on costuming, she inspired me to adopt the flying fish as my totem animal*. This symbolized embodying the dreams in our life that seem impossible - fish swim; they don't fly. But a flying fish does both with ease. My motto after that became Live the Impossible.
Along the way I gave this up. Tucked it away with the other idealistic memorabilia from that era of my life.
But now I'm bringing it back. Living the life of your dreams might sound impossible. Somebody's gotta do it. I'll take this one for the team.

In response to Far Beyond the Stars':

It’s never too late to start having unreasonable expectations for yourself….

• I want to be flexible, strong, and active when I'm 70.
• I want to have a thrilling sex-life with my husband. More than the excitement of new discovery, I desire the kind of fun that can only come from deep knowing and all-out trust.
• I want to live intimately with Nature ~ to have my life be lived daily as much or more outside than inside.
• I want to have the kind of relationship with my daughter where she trusts me enough to be candid and frank with me when she's 25.
• I want to feel confident and fabulous in my body once and for all, embodying the goddess-manifest that is my birthright. I am ready to step into my power, leaving behind the lies and distortion of our culture's view of "health" ~ they can kiss my round ass as I stride confidently toward the truth. I'm ready to represent.
• 
  birthright

I intend to make more bold moves and fall asleep with fewer regrets. For a while here on this blog I played polite and tried to fit this image of some blog that is not mine. I was still being sincere, but I wasn't being 100% me. I'm much juicier than that. It is my goal to continue this "living out loud," as was one of my favorite quotes for a long time from Emile Zola. It feels much more adventurous.

*Later Edition: I have since realized that I don't really know what a "totem animal" is. I have read that some Native Americans take this concept seriously, and don't appreciate "New Agey" white folks using the term disrespectfully=without a full understanding. So I want to acknowledge that. Until I learn more, I will say that the flying fish is an animal that inspires me, and an idea I'd like to continue striving to live up to.

Urban Hike

A misperception I've operated under for a while now is that it's hard to have a small child and get enough exercise. Before baby, I was very active. With my turtle (Kapha) metabolism, I can sloooow to a stop if I don't start my day with vigor and fresh air. (Interestingly, I looked up Kapha after I described my characteristics. It was spot-on!)

As I feel the cobwebs blowing clear from my mind lately, I am choosing to say to myself, "It is possible for me to get enough exercise every day." Regardless of whether Papi Sealion works or not, there are rarely days in which I don't have enough time to dedicate at least a half-hour to activity. My life is luxurious that way.

On a jog recently I muddled over ways to get more exercise, knowing that walking up Berkeley's hills is the most straight-forward thing to do. It then dawned on me that even when hiking was a regular part of my life, the first half-hour always sucked. I always wanted to quit. And after that, it felt great. In my daily life, with babe on back, I haven't been getting past that first suck-period. It just feels like hard work. I've jogged for such a long time, I know to push past this first mental hump. So I can do it on walks with Anjali, as well.

Today I applied this by going on what I called an "urban hike" ~ walking up into the hills of Berkeley with my daughter strapped to my back. After stopping for espresso at Guerilla (a girl deserves a kickstart!), I took the first right turn uphill. And climbed climbed climbed climbed. Berkeley has scenic walking paths that are actually labeled with street signs: tree-lined sidewalks that just go straight up, with very steep steps thrown in here and there.

I hiked with purpose up up up. And when Anjali started to squirm and complain, it was my signal to head back (going down, of course, takes so much less time).

Once I got past the first flight of steep steps, my mind no longer focused on the effort and instead expanded to include the sensations of the world around me. When I wasn't busy being enchanted by my immediate surroundings ~ rose gardens, Mediterranean-style houses with charming arch-doored nooks, and magically quiet redwood groves, I remembered to turn around occasionally to take in equally memorable views of the Bay and the city in the distance.

steps that are steep on the way up are also very steep on the way down!

I love roses!

hadn't visited the Berkeley Rose Garden since we first moved to CA, five years ago.

unphotoshopped brilliance.

enchanting.

both tree and vine had grown through and around the metal fence. i love it when that happens.

sweetly tiny, intensely vibrant.

What started as simply an effort for exercise left my legs pleasantly tired and my mind and eyes exuberantly open. A successful new beginning!

Gratitude: For Friends

She is blessed who has good girlfriends.

I love you!!!

And Anjali loves you too!!!

Be the Magic

A tradition Sealion and I look forward to every year is to gift at least one person with a ticket to Black Rock City. This really gets us in the spirit of the gift economy of Burning Man. It feels great!

This year we were given the opportunity to sponsor a good friend of mine (with whom I just reunited on facebook..). She had a spontaneous opening in her day when she could come by and get the golden ticket. So I feverishly ran upstairs to my craft supplies to create a fitting envelope for such a special gift and favorite person. I just had a few minutes. I think sometimes our most inspired art comes in these spontaneous mad dashes of productivity ~ we don't have time to OverThink it.

This woman has such brilliance and charisma, I imagined her on the playa as I have seen her in the past ~ glowing and moving. I created this with her in mind, but as it manifested itself I realized I was calling forth a message to myself just as importantly.

(much more glittery and sparkling than my photographic skills can convey..)

Which reminds me of a fun art activity I saw posted on the Jack Rabbit Speaks ~ the Burning Man newsletter: What this comically displays is that the spirit of Black Rock City, and the seeds of magic, are with us and just as possible in the "Default World" as they are on the playa. We might just need a little more presence to discover them in ourselves and the everyday world around us. As we say in BRC, Participate!

BURNER OUT OF WATER: SOCIAL EXPERIMENT FOR THOSE NOT AT BURNING MAN

An inventive Burner who's not making to Burning Man this year came up with a clever idea:

"Burner Out of Water: A social experiment for those of us not able to journey to the Metropolis in the desert.

Spend Burn week in your Metropolis, town or village as if you were in Black Rock City. Don your finest (but legal) playa wear. Strike up deep conversations with strangers. Ride your (decorated) bike or walk everywhere. Don't watch any TV. Make your car an art car. Spin poi or do yoga in the park. Bathe with baby wipes. Dance all night. Enjoy a sunrise with your friends. Burn something. Give gifts. Take lots of pictures, write about your off-playa Burn week adventures and send them toburneroutofwater@hotmail.com. Checkhttp://burneroutofwater.weebly.com to see what your fellow Black Rock City lovers did when not residing in Black Rock City. Maybe it'll be so much fun, it'll last longer than a week..."

Inspiration

I had written a little rant that I might still post ~ about having the courage to let myself Do More Things Badly. But then I discovered this article, called Regrets of the Dying. And after reading it, really, what more is there to say.?

(a chorus from a new-to-me Michael Franti song, Life in the City ~

"Ai, yi, yi, put your hands in the sky

Cuz you never know

how long you're gonna live till you die.")

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Yippee, Us!! Sealion and I have been married for three years!

(Here's the story of our desert wedding.)

Technically, we consider our anniversary to be whatever Friday happens at Burning Man (since the week corresponds with Labor Day, it changes year-by-year), but since Anjali and I aren't headed to Black Rock City this year (we're aiming for next year :-), we're celebrating today. What have we done so far today? We had a really delicious snuggly sleep-in session this morning, followed by a bikeride down to Tacubaya for brunch in the sunshine, then play and explore time down at the marina park (which was exceptionally warm and non-windy).

Our relationship is feeling good to us. It feels solid. It feels balanced. I feel as if I am supported and encouraged to grow and flourish. And I feel free to do the same for him. We have a shared vision of desired life-goals. And we are both beside-ourselves in love with our daughter. I feel pretty darn lucky. I love you, Baby!

Ahhh! I love my family!

Wake Up Call

That's right, brothers and sisters! It's time for a rant the likes of which you've not read in years here at Tiffanie's Church o' Life! We were lost, and now are found. Blind, but now we see.

You gon' need sunglasses.

photo of Woo on our Baja vision board

From my astrologer, Rob Brezsny, whom I hadn't consulted in many many months:

Capricorn Horoscope for week of August 19, 2010

The poet Jean Perrin dreamed "of marrying the dawn with the light of the moon," and I invite you to do the same. The darkness you've been immersed in will leave you soon. As it does, please don't forsake the pale, moon-like radiance that has provided you with a bit of guidance and consolation. Rather, bring along what it has taught you as you head into the far brighter phase you're entering. In other words, retain some of the wisdom the dim light has compelled you to learn.

Change wooshes Fresh into my brain and sets loose dusty cobwebs of habitual thought. Possibilities are myriad! Potentialities are reachable, and worth considering. I feel a flutter in my chest with anticipation of the unexpected and a brightening in my eyes. Perfectly timed with our move and our strong desire to de-clutter and simplify, I have come across several very inspiring pieces of writing - Your Money or Your Life, a book that has helped hundreds of thousands cut their expenses by focusing on their life values, and two blogs which are dedicated to minimalist living - "the less you have, the more epic your life": Rowdy Kittens, and Far Beyond the Stars.

It feels as if, very recently, a veil has been lifted in my thinking, and my mind and heart said, "Oh, yeah!" in their remembering: I've been thinking too small. I've been Being too small. My view has been too myopic: not in seeing the universe in the fractal-like details, but just .. letting the details be a universe in themselves. I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. Learning to deal with it by breathing into it, but maybe I should have let it be an indicator to me that change is in order. Maybe I'm letting it be that indicator right now. I imagine myself to be a little mouse with my nose down trying to find the cheese at the end of the maze, when, if I would stand up I could see that the maze is located in the middle of a lush food forest (or cheese shop in Switzerland!).

From Far Beyond the Stars, 99% of the people in the world are content to exist within the confines of their own settled mediocrity. The boredom of sitting under florescent lights all day begins to set in over time. Their current situation burns into their psyche, and they stagnate.

The thought of rejecting the status-quo scares the crap out of them.

It starts with the idea that you have to be realistic. Everyone knows a horde of people who either are being realistic or will tell you to be realistic. Well, these people are wrong. They’re blinded by their own passivity.

They’ve given up. They’re walking zombies. You don’t want to be one of these people.

And more importantly, don’t listen to these people.

They call them worker drones for a reason. These people are not being compared to busy bees, they’re being compared to The Borg.

Does this sound familiar? When you look at yourself in the mirror are you beginning to see the last remnants of life seeping out of your soul?

I have dreams about Lucent Dossier (the performance company I danced with when I first came to CA) often. They stick with me. One that really hurt my heart was: that I was walking along a country road with them, and talking with them as they made their way to another magical gig, when I realized they didn't recognize me; I was a stranger to them. I looked down and was dressed 100% preppy with clothes from the mall. I felt ashamed. I know this sounds very shallow. But I have come to think of these dreams as oracles. What this one told me was that I was not being my true (magical) self. I was clothed in the coverings of someone with an inner life other than my own truth.

The most recent dream I had was that Lucent had marketed a fragrance. It was the Essence of Sensuality (not the narrow definition, but sensuality as drinking in life fully - with all of the senses). It was sold in individually enchanting, antique bottles with cute stoppers (I love tiny, unique bottles!). I rushed to the store to be the first to see them, and tried to make my way to the display secretly. I opened a bottle. The scent went on like metallic copper powder (like eye shadow), and smelled of fine sandalwood. The dream diverged from there.

My oracular interpretation of this is that I'm wanting to re-member how to drink deeply of Life, in the way that is so essential to the M.O. of Lucent Dossier. And, what's so awesome is that, as my parenting guru Scott Noelle always says, that awakening of Presence is always available; you simply need to open yourself to allowing it.

“The Master in the art of living


makes little distinction

between
work and play,


labor and leisure,


mind and body,


education and recreation,


love and religion.


You hardly know which is which.


You simply pursue your vision of


excellence in whatever you do,


leaving others to decide whether


you are working or playing.


To you, it is always both.”

from Rowdy Kittens, poem By Marcia

My existence has gotten cluttered with stuff that has obscured my truth. I have been attempting to fit into the clothes of someone with less awareness. Like that right-on song by Erykah Badu: "bag lady, you gon' miss your bus! You can't hurry up cuz you got too much stuff!"

I didn't finish a "good enough" marriage, cull all my stuff and leave my hometown and family of friends, move thousands of miles, dance with a mystical circus, and be cleansed by fire in the Black Rock Desert, to become bogged down and fall asleep. I came to get down and get funky!

I finally watched Avatar. Since I don't watch tv, I didn't know anything about it except its popularity - which usually frees me from having to see something. As soon as I saw the fantastical creature on the cover (I love costuming!), I had to watch it. And of course it's not a story of a distant planet, but of our own blue and green ball. It re-minded me of our true essence, our birthright: to run and jump from treetop to treetop unafraid, to telepathically communicate with other animals because we are truly connected, to worship Nature because she really is our Mother, and to be 100% free in our own bodies, our own skin, because we are as regal and able and noble as any jungle animal.

I have been asleep and it's time to Wake Up!

Miss Kitty

From Far Beyond the Stars

It’s never too late to start having unreasonable expectations for yourself….

1. Set at least one unrealistic goal to achieve in the next year. I’ve become a firm believer that everyone should set unrealistic goals for themselves. Take a moment and think, draw, write down your unrealistic goals. For reference: last year my unrealistic goal was to work from anywhere, quit my job, and move to another city. Done. Done. Done.

2. Map out your ideal life. So you’ve set your unrealistic goals, now you need to visualize them. Tim Ferriss calls this practice Dreamlining. It’s the idea of mapping out your unrealistic ideal life. On that piece of paper, start adding more details to the unrealistic world you’re creating. Do you want to be sipping margaritas on the beach? Swigging wine with Colin Wright in New Zealand? Training to run marathon? Ask the girl of your dreams out on a date? Write it all down: but please, do NOT be realistic.

4. Remove the floor. Many people exist with a constant safety net to catch them if they fall. What if you remove that net? Take it away, and then start to have unreasonable expectations for yourself. The Bahamas or the gutter, which will it be? You’ll have no choice to fly to the top, because there are no other options.

5. Be unrealistic about what you don’t need. Just like thinking about what you unrealistically want, but the opposite. What can you survive without? Basically, everything. You can live in a room, eat Brussels sprouts and be happy. ..

10. Ignore everybody. People will nay-say you into oblivion, and they are not to be trusted. Do not listen to negative opinions or influences. You are able to accomplish anything if you put your mind to it.

Via Dream (artistic director of Lucent Dossier) ~ Those who achieve great things, defeat long odds, and become legends didn't have anything you don't have. They just kept showing up, expecting a miracle, long after everyone else got practical. ~ Notes from the Universe

waking life

*

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT (from Rob) 
Your imagination is the single most important asset you possess. It's your power to create mental pictures of things that don't exist yet and that you want to bring into being. It's the magic wand you use to shape your future. 

And so in your own way, you are a prophet. You generate countless predictions every day. Your imagination is the source, tirelessly churning out images of what you will be doing later. 
*

Changes (forecast: sunny)

Though I love using a Mac computer, I have never been proud of owning an Iphone (though I secretly love it as well); I just felt like a techno-gadget "joiner" ("if the other kids are doin' it, I'm not" is how I've always functioned, regardless of whether it's the best way. ; ). (And I hate that smartphones have "apps" as opposed to "applications". But anyway.)

I happened upon the Hipstamatic App for Iphone, and it's just the artistic medium I need to help process the .. sentimental place I find myself in life at the moment.

Things are changing for our family. We have a dream, a goal, and a plan ~ not necessarily all synced up. We are moving to Sacramento in the next couple of months. We have a goal of spending dramatically more time in Baja, and of dramatically simplifying and downsizing our situation here in California. We dream of spending most of our time in Baja on a piece of land dedicated to permaculture with a small community of others. (I dream-dream of living in Baja most of the time by February.)

We had gotten really comfy in Berkeley. I feel like I "fit in" in Berkeley like I have in no other place in my life ever. Our life could progress contentedly and consistently and easily here for a long time. But there's not much of a challenge here (maybe getting to a yoga class regularly), or adventure (darn! I missed the 4:50 train! gotta wait for the next one). When I imagine a trajectory of life in Berkeley, I don't feel Destiny calling me to a higher purpose.

When I imagine attempting a life in Baja Sur, Mexico, especially with permaculture, my mind's eye pulls back so that I see far and wide. (There is a particular photo of myself in the mountains near Portland, Oregon, where I was seeing a most incredible beautiful view, and the breeze was blowing back my hair. It reminds me of that.) It feels important and visionary. It requires me to step into my best and highest self. I feel called.

Sacramento is the stepping stone, what ties it all together (The Big Lebowski's special rug). It helps us live closer to our priorities ~ of living simpler, smaller, cheaper, more self-sufficient and creative, and closer (just a block away, actually!) to chosen family Arlene and Brian.

And, though this has been an unusually chilly summer for the whole state, Sacramento is a hell of a lot warmer than Berkeley! I realized I had made a deal with myself during the rainy season that if I remained Zen with the gray and wet, then I could soak in deeply the summer heat and sun; it never showed up this year. ! Cinching it up, I've noticed a fundamental difference between myself and the "dedicated" Bay Area residents I've talked with and overheard, who smugly say, "Oh, but I like the cool weather.." Well ~ you can have it. ; )

It feels scary and poignant and adventurous and unknown. Exactly what my life hasn't been at all for the last three years ~ and (I also realized) that was precisely what I needed to bring Anjali into the world: stability, comfort, ease. And really good food. Now we're ready to fly.

As I look through these photos I realize I have everything I need right here. No matter where we end up, what the adventure requires of us, or how it all turns out. I'm good to go.

In the Kitchen

I have noticed throughout my adult life that when words fail to surface to describe my inner life, other forms of creativity have taken center stage. This is the way it was for me towards the end of my college career ~ with a focus in Creative Writing; I couldn't bare to eek out another externally-demanded piece of written "creativity" but I found myself drawing and painting again for the first time in years (I can't think of a more effective way to rid a young enthusiastic soul of her creativity than by making it a major in an institution where your output equals your worth. This, and more, is why the ideas of Unschooling resonate so strongly with me.).

Right now I am not finding words to put here, but I have had a lot of inspiration in the kitchen. Yay for summer cooking, even if the weather isn't feeling like summer weather.

I have added a link at the top right so that you can pop in and see what I've been up to in the kitchen. Happy summer eating! : )

Getting a Lift

Activities in my life right now that almost always feel good and/or noticeably lift my spirits:

-Going outside, even just for a minute.
-Riding my bike, even just for a short errand. I feel free. And especially now that I have a front rack for bags so that I can carry things while also carrying Anjali (like produce from the farmers' market), I am set and feel so free.
-Going to farmers' markets. I love them.
-Being creative in the kitchen. I am reminded over and over. Unless I'm trying to rush, and even then sometimes, I end up having fun.
-My voice lessons.
-Swimming. I love being in water. Playing in waves at the beach, and going underwater in a pool (*not* doing laps) remind me of being a kid. Ahhh!
-Stretching.
-Jogging. Even though it often feels like a "should".
-Gardening - even just pulling a few weeds or picking and feeding some clover to the chickens through the garden gate.
-Dancing - even just boogying a little hip bump to the music.
-Taking a shower. I don't shower daily. When I get around to it, it always feels good.
-Rubbing my face with coconut oil (that's what I use as lotion).
-Giving a dollar to a sidewalk musician.
-Petting a kitty cat on the sidewalk.
-Having an orgasm.
-Being outside in the sunshine.

What a feel-good list! It is insightful to see so many parts of my everyday life that truly give me pleasure.

And interesting to ponder that some feel like "shoulds" even while being on a feel-good list.

SOS

I've lost my magic...