troglo-file

well, i write a post about how much frickin fun i'm having in C-A, and i'm proud to report that the ho-swah, soul-twin his-self, is doin' a bang-up job of making ye olde K-Ye a bus-load more fun by the second. it's the never-a-dull-moment you always expect from a day with the ho', just a tad more organized. he hosted a field trip: with a classic yellow school bus, a driver, a keg o' homebrew (somehow or other, if you hire a bus and driver, that's legal...) a gaggle of great friends--and even his folks--to ride from lex-town to mammoth cave*. a perfect kentucky fall day as the backdrop, they feasted on wine, cheese, fruit, and the like, then headed below for a cave-cricket-crawling, bat-family-snuggling, crystal-forming, mysterious-water-drip-noising stroll.
you know the keg didn't last all the way there and back, so. . on the return trip, they stopped at the licka sto (please, ask me again how this is legal?). the afterparty was at barry and rebecca's, of course, where they hand-roasted pizza in the outdoor brick fireplace, and cozied up to the flames under the night sky.
as someone who's just recently gone pro at the having of fun, my old teacher continues to shine his headlamp on the trail for me as he tramps on ahead.

~*~ hey, kids! let's play "match the ho-quote with the blogger-random photo of awesome folks!" ~*~
a) da cosmic twinkie an' da creme filling
b) whisper voice
c) merry.. travelers
d) urbane, yet inappropriate
e) beware the cave dentist!
f) troglopat
g) rebecca gets sassy

* "have a free afternoon in western kentucky?
take a tour of mammoth cave--the world's most extensive known cave system--at least a mile for every day of your year.
http://www.nps.gov/maca/ tells you all the info you need to get you there." and lots you don't need--like the different kinds of poo that support bugs that inhabit mammoth cave. this is some excellent fodder for the next party you go to where you find yourself abandoned in a corner with that one girl.
mammoth cave is really cool. it is home to eyeless fish, and many other threatened and endangered species. (like bats--whose poo WAS an integral part of the cave lifecycle back in the day afore ol' Whitey got to em.)
this late night ridiculosity is dedicated to that one and only ho-swah. his gift for seeing the humorous in all things--and the vocabulary to make it even punnier--has lightened my pack and helped me see the forest in the trees for over a decade now. god, how much do i love you.

silly

you're right; it didn't take me very long without the ho-swah before i ran off and joined the circus. but who's gone off the deep end now??


all we can say is: come on in--the water's fine!



what? you don't believe me?? of course it's ho-swah--just look at the way he's holding his wine glass.

"the" 510

posted in the artists' studio, here at "the" 510.

morning

these ladies down the street have been smiling at me for months.

absolute amazement

are you awake? are you looking around?? these days i am in a constant state of amazement--without (ok, sometimes with) the aid of psycho-active supplementation.
my little typing fingers haven't been able to keep up with all the wonders and blessings and beauty that flood my senses daily. i'm trying to keep up! we here at WIDE WORLD OF TIF are in a birthing process. i feel as if the universe has been lovingly whispering (ok, maybe yelling) to me recently and persistently. for.. a handful (wow--only that long?!) of jam-packed months i've illuminated for those loved ones who wanna bear it a keyhole spying the ups and downs and rainbow ride of your favorite tif's westward wanderings. well, my cup runneth over. and i'm not the only one; i'm so happy about all the cool-ass shit that all of my lovely family of friends are up to! i want to share it with you.
so. i feel the contractions of a brain- and soul-baby. i don't want to give away all my secrets just yet. i just wanna say.. . stay tuned!! i'm thinkin' this place is gonna be under construction here soon.


~~The obscure we see eventually," said journalist Edward R. Murrow. "The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." You have recently taken care of the obscure stuff, Capricorn. Through a blend of lucky accidents and your dogged intelligence, you got to the bottom of a stuffy old mystery and ripped away the veils that were hiding a crippled old truth. Now you're finally primed to notice an open secret that has been right in front of you for quite some time. (you guessed it: free will astrology)~~

yum

mackin-daddy, tb, and i had a family dinner last night. the boys had yummy coconut-curry chicken ala bri, and i made a gorgeous "autumnal abundance soup" with all kinds of delicious autumn veggies~~red and yellow beets
sweet potatoes
acorn squash
stewed tomatoes
onion, fresh ginger, and garlic
pumpkin seeds
loose black chai tea
cumin, salt, freshly ground pepper

in a casserole dish with olive oil, i roasted big chunks of veggies and crushed cloves of garlic on 400 till they were soft and juicy.

in a very large skillet, i sauteed the onion in olive oil till it was very soft, added the ginger and sauteed for a while longer, then the pumpkin seeds, cumin, and a coupla tablespoons of the dry chai tea and let them simmer on low until the seeds browned and started popping and the whole mess was smelling the house up something fierce! then i dumped a few cups of water, two cans of stewed tomatoes, in with the sautee and turned up the heat till it was a low bubble.
last of all i scraped all the roasted veggies into the soup and let it simmer with the lid off to mix it all together, adding water to keep it soupy. the boys said this soup was surprisingly sweet, with an astounding ruby color. (ok, i added "ruby"--but they did comment on the color.)

we had hot, soft corn tortillas to soak up the goodness:
1 cup flour (i used 3/4 wheat/ 1/4 corn flour)
1tsp salt
1/2 cup water--rolled out with plenty of corn flour on the surface, and fried with a bit o' oil in the pan and tasty sea salt on top.

your favorite dark porter or hot tea--this is a great celebration of home and harvest.

avocado

or, "things i love about california"
~~photos, in blogger-random order:
troyboy modeling with a tahoe tree, beautiful lovely non-plastic angels, view from the heavens: the sierra nevadas at sunrise (!), the sake brewery in berkeley, "beverly hills hotel" sign amidst urban palmtrees, mackin-daddy --map-breaking on the american river bike trail, a ceviche restaurante mural in long beach, three-foot-high rosemary on our street in sac

call me star-struck. but i'm still just so happy to be here (i still have moments when i look at troyboy, victorious, and say--we're in california! and he knows how much it means to me). it probably started when my mom unknowingly let my impressionable sponge of a child mind spend all those hours in front of the television. i can admit that. hollywood worked on me (hey--so did sesame street and mister rogers). "california is larger-than-life! it's where things happen! it's where you wanna be!" by the time i was sixteen, and seriously curtailing my tv consumption, the damage was already done. "california" was poetry to my imagination. i was starting to sense that elizabethtown, ky, didn't have very many of "my kind"--in 1992, most e-townians didn't know what a vegetarian was, let alone why i was one. they would have rather watched basketball than make art, anyday. and they certainly didn't get why i dressed so weird. and california did. and sunshine--it had lots of that, too. during college ho-swah and i spent a summer out here raftguiding on the kern river and my love-affair solidified. something about the geography, diversity, the wide-open space, and wide-open possibilities (above and beyond what hollywood impressed upon me as a kid) clicked in my heart.

life being the somewhat random, never-as-planned-as-you'd-like-to-think, gig that it is, it took me nine more years to get out here. but i'm here now. and i feel like california (and the universe in general) forgave me those years of struggling and figuring my shit out. i'm not saying that i don't painfully miss those many someones that are in lex-town, ky. i certainly respect and applaud their efforts that make that town really hard to leave ("hip" californians could never imagine the rockin', loving, creative, talented, smart, revolutionary, fun folks who people downtown lex*)**. i'm also not saying i want to call california my home-sweet-home forever amen. i love it right now. everyday so far, i feel closer in spirit and intention to the little girl i left back in e-town, ky, over twenty years ago. (wow--didn't expect to get so mushy!)

so here's a list of a few of the many reasons i love california:
~lavender, rosemary, and jade that grow hedge-sized without trying
~the ocean
~surfers
~sunshine (which is why--as awesome as san fran is--i wouldn't live there)
~the crisp clear blue sky of the arid regions
~sage
~desert
~sand
~the palmtrees that line our street in sac
~sourdough bread
~mountains
~baja
~plenty of natural/organic/whole foods stores, and people who don't fearfully wrinkle their noses when you refer to one
~diversity--in so many facets.
~plenty of folks who like to do stuff outside
~plenty of folks who don't dress like abercrombie (or UK Blue!!!) is the end-all-be-all in apparel
~vineyards
~so many different things you can do, and places you can be, outside
~breweries and tasting rooms
~yummy, diverse restaurants, and many of 'em!
~learning that not all of the inhabitants of LA are plastic
~reaffirming that "good people" are "good people" no matter where they are found--or what they wear
~being places i've always heard of (i.e. "tahoe," or "santa monica boulevard")
~NOT having to survive another drizzly, gray, help-me-keep-this-gun-from-my-temple february in good ol' k-y (!!)
~fresh, ripe, avocados--need i say more?

*one of the "california phenomena"--native californians don't seem to know ANY u.s. geography beyond.. MAYBE colorado.
(we could have another entry solely on "california phenomena"--"right?", troyboy?)
**no california beach or mountain range will ever take the place of those rolling green hills in my heart. my blood is, afterall, kentucky blood. and i'm sure more than a few of my k-y loved ones, for instance ms. channy chan, could list just as many reasons why they proudly love lex. i can imagine mel-lovely's mister writing a wendell berry-esque essay entitled, "why californians are crazy and i will always live in kentucky." and i'd probably agree with them on a lot of things. this is my "i know there are lots of things wrong with california, and lots of things right about kentucky" disclaimer. please forgive. i think the choice is yours to be happy and bloom wherever you find yourself, every moment. i, however, am happier here.

Middle English cherisshen, from Middle French cheriss-, stem of cherir to cherish, from Old French, from chier dear, from Latin carus

down south for troyboy to take his Big Important Test. stayed with lulu cat at queen she and j's place in santa monica while they're out of town. fun to be in LA just to hang out instead of for "work," and visit another part of this huge smear of the planet blanketly labeled "los angeles." tb and i strolled the scene on a saturday, ate dinner at The Galley, supposedly the oldest seafood restaurant in the area, with some killer salad dressing. . (?) we got a bit sowsed and i got a bit teary-eyed. how honored am i to be on this journey with him? how proud i am of how far he has come and how wide his horizons are for that initial toil. confetti and champagne uncorking for troyboy!!! how seemingly random choices have such widespread implications on life and interactions . and how to stop (or at least pause) along the way and realize, hey--i like it here. i'm glad we're here together. my heart so pleased to hold your hand.
cherish. give gratitude. love with the utmost care!

plug

while we're at it, i might as well share with you the new music i've been loving lately. good stuff by awesome folks.

the mutaytor--www.mutaytor.com --a righteous lightfest of tribal drums and good vibes. they keep the floor a-shakin and my ass a-jigglin.

helios jive--www.heliosjive.com --funky dancey fun, straight-up good jazz. didgeridoo sax and scratch--included at no extra cost.

porter tinsley--www.portertinsley.com --a new album from your favorite madamoiselle quill herself. haven't purchased it yet; knowing her taste, it has to be good. and body-rockin.

bassnectar--www.bassnectar.net --danceability plus.

barry syska--www.barrysyska.org --unlike all of the above, which are superb for gettin your bootyshake on, this guy's melodic old-school sound begs a partner and fedora. i listened to his promo cd all day yesterday.

andrew bird--www.andrewbird.net --the only musician on this list who's not shared the billing with lucent dossier in the past few months. the mysterious production of eggs, his latest, tickles my brain somewhere in the very back, close to the subconscious. the way he puts things together is ethereal and evocative. (and he's on ani's label!)

webbery

whoa. lots about vegoose when my synapses are firing less technocolorifically.

for now, a commercial break:
i'd like to share with you a FANTAbuLOUS photographer of the blackrockcity variety and talent--patrick. he is one of my friends and an inspired photographer of beauty. his elegant images capture the independent, ferrel, poetic gorgeousness with which the playa teems every year.

check out his website: http://webbery.com/bm05
and book: http://webbery.com/hips

shredded

there was a blip in the universe, a fold, an "and/or" and we passed.

troyboy and i were flying down "the" five in el caballero negro. bike totin' camping gear-laden costuming/freaky clothing galore. we were packed ready for anything and headed for a several-day adventure.
i reached into the back seat to grab something and felt unusually uncomfortable having my seatbelt off even for a minute.
we entered an area marked "high wind" and tb commented on how much more difficult the truck was to handle. after a few minutes, he said, baby--look around, i don't see any trees moving, do you? but the truck is not feeling right at all. for a flash he saw break trouble, saw us careening tumbling down the freeway.
a loud noise at the right rear of of senor negro, then a huge one. smoke. and a rough ride, kathump kathump kathump. backing off from 90 mph, tb navigated with a firm hand over into the right lane, then into the shoulder. once parked, we grabbed each other and just held on for a long time. then we got out of the car, and hugged some more.
the tire was shredded--wadded flaps of stinking rubber and metal thread, loosely connected around the rim (toyota--still good as new.).
our ETA set back an hour, some people might have gotten annoyed. but he said, well, i'm not in a hurry any more. we can take our time.
we felt grateful and in awe. that day, we were spared. and had blessed time on our hands.



"Happy the person who can endure both the highest and the lowest fortune," said the Roman writer and orator Seneca. "He who weathers such vicissitudes with equanimity has deprived misfortune of its power." According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Capricorn, you are currently having an encounter with the first thing mentioned in Seneca's formula--the highest fortune. May you navigate your way through this phase of lucky abundance without falling victim to arrogance, carelessness, or insensitivity. Halloween costume suggestion: a lottery winner doling out gifts.
(free will astrology)

sea lion

she said, if you have such an amazing relationship with this boyfriend of yours--go be. and leave me alone.
and i said, ok.

once again, she was right.

por-"q"-pine (kinda like bar-b-q)

another flower offered to madamoiselle quill.
soundtrack: deathcab for cutie.

lesson #5-billion-87

bah!

for many years my philosophy was to live without leaving a wake. i thought this was the peaceful solution--harming nothing and no one (and perhaps not getting hurt myself). a bunny rabbit with no teeth, i began to feel as if i passed through life as a ghost. no matter how active i tried to make my existence, i felt like i was on the periphery. successful in my own right, my victories won me no feeling of substance. when i chose to be herbivore no more--i'd been a vegetarian for twelve years, and all of my adult life--it symbolized my jumping back into the food chain of living, my willingness to bite and to get bitten. years later (how many has it been, ho-swah?) the effects have been sizeable and dramatic. surface ripples indicating deeper turbulances below. branches and fruit once held in the secret of unseen seeds.
lately i've felt as if i'd received some universal pardon, like there was a crack in the woodwork--a loophole in the redtape of life, i slid through, and somehow got lucky. perhaps the universe wasn't looking, or even forgiving me for pretending i was a filament of guileless plankton all those years (er somethin' like that). i was asking--and receiving!
used to skimming lightly over the surface, it's quite a challenge to captain this bigger boat. i make --what feel like-- small corrections to the rudder, and the thing veers wildly to one side.
so the issue that has been coming up a lot for me lately is that of responsibility. being accountable for the power to make waves. learning that it's absolutely essential for me to be deeply honest with myself, because my desires (realized or not) reach out to the world around me and create change. this former leaf-eater has pissed people off, hurt feelings, and lost potentially valuable friendships. and dammit, i can't sneak off to the bathroom and pretend it wasn't my fault.
friends who have known me all along are shaking their heads and rolling their eyes ONCE AGAIN. but this is what i showed up for. yes, i did sign on for the big ride, no matter how many times i've had to puke overboard in recent history. my prayer is that i have a few loved ones who are patient enough to stick it out with me. mistakes--hell, yeah. apologies, um--right here. excuses--some of that, too.
this lesson is banging me in the head, hurting pretty bad, and leaving an ugly bruise as a reminder. please cross your fingers i pass the test sometime soon. the transition to solid food has left bunnyluv, here, with a bellyache!
as i attempt to move on with grace and good humor, i needed to send this out to the cybersphere. wishing for the humility of that most wonderful friend --"beau"-- found naked and crumpled in a psychedelic pile by the med tent in black rock city, mumbling, "i get it.. ! i get it!!"

(btw--i apologize for the endless analogies, similies, and metaphors. what did we say they were, ho-swah?--semaphores? ha!)

(babies ho-swah and tif illustrate the effects of static electicity on freshman-greasy hair.)

xingo

wow. lock a bunch of freaks, 24-hour food service, photographers, and glitter on a big ol' boat for three days and whatta ya get?
love and magic.
i would have never considered going on a cruise. they're for old people and shuffle board, centered around excess, gluttony, and consumerism, with a bit of sunshine thrown in for redemption. it seemed that carnival was attempting to save its disneyfied cocacola soul (and make some more cash, of course) by inviting us artists/cirque/burners onboard to give their product a little hip (hype). ** of course when we were invited i was psyched--anywhere i go with my lucent family, be it the desert or the grocery, is the place for fun. what i didn't expect (that i should have) was how brightly all our freaky love made that boat shine. as soon as we got our bags dumped in our bunks, everyone was on deck in full effect--hooping, spinning, contact improving, making music, dancing, and just plain being gorgeous and playing and loving each other. it was astonishingly inspiring to see how much joy could be generated when so many of us come together, even in a venue that is so not "underground."
after lucent delirium, when the party got busted by the fire marshals and it was questionable whether "the do lab" as a location would even exist anymore (as we knew it), when so many community members came together to help in the clean-up effort (god, this is a long sentence), dream sent out a letter to everyone. she felt that we had been charged to take our message of light and love out and up into the "rest" of the world. i think this was the perfect explosive introduction.

highlights:
troyboy was elated (wagging his doggie tail) to socialize and get to know everyone better (LA wonderlovelies, and other light-bearing folks, in general). i thrilled at getting to do some hardcore improvising with gobs and piles of writhing sexy people, AND--i had an absolutely orgasmic experience dancing with the Mutaytor. my hips were moved by the spirit that night.

**(though i do have to say that the organizer for the whole thing seemed very sincere and kind.)

photos: in whatever random order blogger tosses them:
tb and avo chillin' on deck,
ensenada nightscape,
lucents regrouping for another kickass performance later in the evening (after two full rounds of up-all-night fun),
a spontaneous samba parade that took over the whole interior of the ship. at 3 am.
me and some totally hot glitterfied-velvetized-ascoted, slicked-hair dude i found on the lido deck.
flaming lips rainbow balloon bouncing psychadelightfuliscousness.


these are our shots, but--
once again, gotta hand the mic to pixie. she rocks the photo house.
http://www.pixievisionproductions.com/gallery/xingolati

porcupine

soundtrack: nina simone's ne me quitte pas

lapkitty

In his poem "Jerusalem, Easter," Stanley Moss writes, "On this bright Easter morning / smelling of Arab bread, / what if God simply changed his mind / and called out into the city, / 'Thou shalt not kill,' and, like an angry father, 'I will not say it another time!' / They are praying too much in Jerusalem . . ." With this as your inspiration, Capricorn, I'd like you to meditate on two themes: 1) What crucial message do you keep getting from God or life but continue to ignore? 2) Is there a certain ideal you say you believe in but sometimes neglect to carry out in your day-to-day encounters?
(free will astrology, of course. last week.)

----

well.. ya see. i've gotten to hang with this chica the last few days down here in the los of angels.
she caught my attention, as (i'm sure) is the case for hundreds (and hundreds) of fanatic girls, with this tough-girl rockstar persona she has perfected. hat cocked and eyebrow raised just so. she pissed me off so much i considered telling her i didn't want to be near her, but i was too busy trying to get to know her better.

after a week of long-distance sparring and word duals, she took me out for sushi. i spent the next two days purring in her lap as she IM'd and conference called her way through busy work days. cool autumnal sunlight filtering through the blinds and filling the butter-colored walls of her small apartment with calm warmth.

within the distance of a breathed whisper her cheek is a sweet soft caress and her eyes are so deep and warm if you fell in, you might just not want to climb out.


--
i wrote that post yesterday. before we crashed and burned. before i had to accept that i had fallen in and did indeed not want to climb out.
and--i know--those of you who know me and love me were thinking all along, crushee, haven't we been over this one before??? and i said, but yeah, but this time it's different, and no one will be hurt and we will all be happy!
and that was yesterday. and someone of you, especially perhaps that you up near boston, are saying--see?? it doesn't work.

it doesn't work. not for me. perhaps i love too much or don't know when to stop or really am incapable of separating physical experiences from emotions as much as i like to think i can. and maybe i really am just as monogamous as i believed i might not be.

regardless. she's beautiful. i took it too far. and am extremely sad to see her go.

fresh air

i had become city-fied without realizing it. just getting absorbed in what's going on, and what there is to do. troyboy and i escaped this afternoon to a trail in the lake tahoe area--big bend. the blue blue blue sky there always shocks me. it is the definition of sky-blue. and although we could still hear traffic from the interstate, i felt like the pine-scented air was cleaner going into my lungs. we hiked up up to the top of a ridge, with bald granite and conglomerate rock rubble, following cairns that marked the trail. through pine forest with yellowing fern undergrowth, random swarms of gnats, and a sprinkle of leftover purple flowers. our destination was a lake (he was in charge of the map, of course--i don't remember what the name of the lake was.. . ) that reflected sky-blue and rippled with a few idling mallards. we basked in the sun here, the breeze having just a bit of a nip to it at this elevation. couldn't stay long; troy had to get back to show up for a night shift. letting the momentum carry us, we galloped from rock to rock on the way down. (my favorite part of hiking an out-and-back--the hills that were hard on the way out are fun on the way back.) even being out of the city for a few hours, surrounded by beauty, good company, moving my body, and getting a little bit dirty--i feel so much more grounded and more myself.

check it out--

check out pixie's frickin otherworldly photos from lucent delirium!!

http://www.pixievisionproductions.com/gallery/lucent_delirium

also, check out the events on our lucent dossier horizon. . !

http://www.xingolati.com/

http://vegoose.com

the vegoose is not 100% solid, but we're booked for the cruise!
with that line-up--what fun/mischief/madness we're going to create!!

is this my life? surely the universe has me confused with another, much hipper chick.

from now until then, if you wonder what i'm doing --i'll be practicing dancing!! yeh!

the do

fuckin' bad-assest party yet.