Changes (forecast: sunny)

Though I love using a Mac computer, I have never been proud of owning an Iphone (though I secretly love it as well); I just felt like a techno-gadget "joiner" ("if the other kids are doin' it, I'm not" is how I've always functioned, regardless of whether it's the best way. ; ). (And I hate that smartphones have "apps" as opposed to "applications". But anyway.)

I happened upon the Hipstamatic App for Iphone, and it's just the artistic medium I need to help process the .. sentimental place I find myself in life at the moment.

Things are changing for our family. We have a dream, a goal, and a plan ~ not necessarily all synced up. We are moving to Sacramento in the next couple of months. We have a goal of spending dramatically more time in Baja, and of dramatically simplifying and downsizing our situation here in California. We dream of spending most of our time in Baja on a piece of land dedicated to permaculture with a small community of others. (I dream-dream of living in Baja most of the time by February.)

We had gotten really comfy in Berkeley. I feel like I "fit in" in Berkeley like I have in no other place in my life ever. Our life could progress contentedly and consistently and easily here for a long time. But there's not much of a challenge here (maybe getting to a yoga class regularly), or adventure (darn! I missed the 4:50 train! gotta wait for the next one). When I imagine a trajectory of life in Berkeley, I don't feel Destiny calling me to a higher purpose.

When I imagine attempting a life in Baja Sur, Mexico, especially with permaculture, my mind's eye pulls back so that I see far and wide. (There is a particular photo of myself in the mountains near Portland, Oregon, where I was seeing a most incredible beautiful view, and the breeze was blowing back my hair. It reminds me of that.) It feels important and visionary. It requires me to step into my best and highest self. I feel called.

Sacramento is the stepping stone, what ties it all together (The Big Lebowski's special rug). It helps us live closer to our priorities ~ of living simpler, smaller, cheaper, more self-sufficient and creative, and closer (just a block away, actually!) to chosen family Arlene and Brian.

And, though this has been an unusually chilly summer for the whole state, Sacramento is a hell of a lot warmer than Berkeley! I realized I had made a deal with myself during the rainy season that if I remained Zen with the gray and wet, then I could soak in deeply the summer heat and sun; it never showed up this year. ! Cinching it up, I've noticed a fundamental difference between myself and the "dedicated" Bay Area residents I've talked with and overheard, who smugly say, "Oh, but I like the cool weather.." Well ~ you can have it. ; )

It feels scary and poignant and adventurous and unknown. Exactly what my life hasn't been at all for the last three years ~ and (I also realized) that was precisely what I needed to bring Anjali into the world: stability, comfort, ease. And really good food. Now we're ready to fly.

As I look through these photos I realize I have everything I need right here. No matter where we end up, what the adventure requires of us, or how it all turns out. I'm good to go.

In the Kitchen

I have noticed throughout my adult life that when words fail to surface to describe my inner life, other forms of creativity have taken center stage. This is the way it was for me towards the end of my college career ~ with a focus in Creative Writing; I couldn't bare to eek out another externally-demanded piece of written "creativity" but I found myself drawing and painting again for the first time in years (I can't think of a more effective way to rid a young enthusiastic soul of her creativity than by making it a major in an institution where your output equals your worth. This, and more, is why the ideas of Unschooling resonate so strongly with me.).

Right now I am not finding words to put here, but I have had a lot of inspiration in the kitchen. Yay for summer cooking, even if the weather isn't feeling like summer weather.

I have added a link at the top right so that you can pop in and see what I've been up to in the kitchen. Happy summer eating! : )

Getting a Lift

Activities in my life right now that almost always feel good and/or noticeably lift my spirits:

-Going outside, even just for a minute.
-Riding my bike, even just for a short errand. I feel free. And especially now that I have a front rack for bags so that I can carry things while also carrying Anjali (like produce from the farmers' market), I am set and feel so free.
-Going to farmers' markets. I love them.
-Being creative in the kitchen. I am reminded over and over. Unless I'm trying to rush, and even then sometimes, I end up having fun.
-My voice lessons.
-Swimming. I love being in water. Playing in waves at the beach, and going underwater in a pool (*not* doing laps) remind me of being a kid. Ahhh!
-Stretching.
-Jogging. Even though it often feels like a "should".
-Gardening - even just pulling a few weeds or picking and feeding some clover to the chickens through the garden gate.
-Dancing - even just boogying a little hip bump to the music.
-Taking a shower. I don't shower daily. When I get around to it, it always feels good.
-Rubbing my face with coconut oil (that's what I use as lotion).
-Giving a dollar to a sidewalk musician.
-Petting a kitty cat on the sidewalk.
-Having an orgasm.
-Being outside in the sunshine.

What a feel-good list! It is insightful to see so many parts of my everyday life that truly give me pleasure.

And interesting to ponder that some feel like "shoulds" even while being on a feel-good list.

SOS

I've lost my magic...

Five Years

The fifth anniversary of our move Out West is a month past,

but I didn't want it to slip by without acknowledgement.

A final shot of myself in my apartment on 2nd street in Lexington, Ky, before Troy came to pick me up in the Land Cruiser. (The camera that snapped years of self portraits perfected at arm's length. The camera has long since died, and the focus shifted to daily snapshots of my sweet daughter.)

The stuff I took.

The man I left with, awed at the rim of the Grand Canyon.

Sweet girlfriend and fellow adventurer, Woo Lovely, and beloved companion, Charlie Brown,

stepping out alongside the road to view Cadillac Ranch, in Amarillo, Texas.

The dainty Ms. Olivia.

The crew ~ with companions Mick and TT, at our arrival celebration in San Diego, Ca.

California: the road, and the life ahead.

Cheers to goals and reaching them!

Cheers to important life journeys and the companions who accompany us!

Cheers to mirrors (literal and figurative) and self portraits ~

keeping us in conversation with our Selves.

Cheers to the spiraling and cyclical journey itself.

Cheers.

Badu. Badu-oo-oo!

Perusing the airport magazine racks, I had the luck to find an insightful interview with Erykah Badu in June-July's Vibe magazine. I have great respect for her as an artist and woman, and love her music. She's badass and wise. And frickin' gorgeous.

more views from the garden

Anjali and I got outside before the rain had a chance to evaporate. No artificial irrigation is ever as nourishing as a well-timed rain. The garden felt lush and vibrant. I have been spending a lot of time out there every day. It soothes me. The sun fills me. All the growing and ripening encourages me to pay attention daily ~ looking close up, observing. I am especially delighted by the becoming-ness ~ delicate yet urgent unfurling under leaves and in corners. And the abundance ~ of not just one tiny perfect flower, but hundreds ~ on a single stalk. Voluptuous roundness comprised of many smaller roundnesses. Each a bowl that contains a droplet of water. Full.

butterfly bush

feathery yarrow leaves

yarrow with droplets

onion bloom! gotta get close up to appreciate its amazing bounty and detailed beauty.

yarrow becoming

the paste tomato that could: sealion planted a dozen seeds,

and this is the only seedling that kept growing.

cosmos

volunteer from last year's cutflower seed mix. :-) i love volunteers.

a different butterfly bush ~ juicy with rainwater

tiny strawberries becoming ~ the abundance!

daisy with her collection of rain

delicate, intricate detail. nature is the original and ultimate artist.

lavender

ladybug on lettuce

a daisy's concentric unfurling

Gratitude for Water

This quote by Mother Teresa has always resonated with me: "I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there."
As has everyone, I have felt devastated and powerless hearing about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. But, just as with any other act of mass violence, I think it fruitless to hash and re-hash statistics and be glued to the news to hear the latest gory detail; that just seems pointless and actually counter-productive to me. So I'm following Mother Teresa's lead: passing on the following prayer and intention for gratitude and healing. I have a tendency to feel pretty jaded and skeptical about such new-agey seeming stuff these days, but in my heart I believe it can work in individuals' lives. Why not pool our efforts? And, while we are figuring out what else we can do to help, this is something we can do that is positive and loving as opposed to amplifying hatred and judgment.
I plan to focus on how vast and gorgeous our mother ocean is, and how wondrous her creatures are.

May it begin with me.


A letter from the World Gratitude movement:

Beloveds ~

Today, we invite our World Gratitude family to join together, to leverage our
genius and the power of Love to transmute the destructive forces of ignorance,
greed and separation that are at play in the Gulf of Mexico ... and beyond.

We see this as an opportunity to deepen Self Mastery, by employing
our genius and authentic power in a life-affirming way ... by being
Grateful NOW for wholeness, purity and recapitulation of the water
bodies in the Gulf, as well as across the face of creation.

Dr. Masaru Emoto - author scientist, and humanitarian - has shared a brief, yet
powerful prayer and we are passing it along here as a focal point, a space of
conscious creation allowing us to move past fear, judgment and retribution into
Unity, Harmony and Wholeness. This prayer is structured using Ho'oponopono
and is directed initially at WATER - the element connecting ALL Life on the
planet. Water ... the carrier of Spirit and the flow-er of Love!!!

Dr. Masaru Emoto's Healing Prayer for the Gulf:

"I send the energy of love and gratitude to the water and all the living
creatures in the Gulf of Mexico and its surroundings.

To the whales, dolphins, pelicans, fish, shellfish, plankton, coral,
algae, and all living creatures . . .

I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you. "

and these words from a Beloved who forwarded this prayer and invitation
to us: "We are passing this request to people who we believe might be willing to
participate in this prayer, to set an intention of love and healing that is so large, so
overwhelming that we can perform a miracle in the Gulf of Mexico.

We are not powerless. We are powerful. Our united energy, speaking this prayer
daily...multiple times daily....can literally shift the balance of destruction that is
happening.

We don't have to know how......we just have to recognize that the power of love is
greater than any power active in the Universe today.

Please join us in oft repeating this healing prayer of of Dr. Emoto's. And feel free to
copy and paste this to send it around the planet. Let's take charge, and do our own
clean up!

And so it is! Pass it on."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Thank you, Dr. Emoto and our friends, who are earnest in our intent. We are
grateful to be gathered here, together, and honored to share the journey as ONE.


Namaste,

~ The Ground Crew of World Gratitude

views from the garden

after getting off to a late start this season, the garden is vibrant! i have thinned the greens, we have salad greens every day and stirfry greens at least once a week now. the arugula has bolted and flowered. yarrow is in full bloom, as are the nasturtium which seem to have the goal of covering the whole yard! butterfly bush buds steadily progress. the mint and lemon balm have had to be pruned back for the second time now, as they seem to want to outdo the nasturtium. the tomatoes need an expert eye to their leaf woes...

here are some photos.

volunteer chamomile

even though nasturtium are almost pest-like in their wild natures around here, i love them

and think they are so striking up close. i also like their flavor!

.. am contemplating attempting a nasturtium wine this season!! : )

kale and lettuces

tiny wild sweetpea

yarrow

Forrest

A beautiful soul has passed from this realm to the next. I didn't know Forrest well at all ~ only friendly acknowledgements on the sidewalk or short but pleasant conversation. But I feel a deep sadness, as so many of my loved ones loved him so much. From what I have heard of the Tibetan view of living and dying, as a person's soul leaves their body, it floats around for a little while before it passes on ~ visiting and observing loved ones. As Forrest floats in that middl-y air, I am confident that he can feel without a doubt that his presence was cherished and valued deeply by a community who weren't ready to lose him.

Recently for the first time I heard Ray Charles's version of "Long and Winding Road," and it has been in rotation today as I mourn with my loved ones. So I dedicate it to Forrest.

gratitude on a cool, rainy almost-summer day

today the weather is gray ~ the sky is thick and low with different layers of cloud ~ gauzy fog clouds down low seemingly close enough to touch, gray rain clouds up a little higher, and at the top of my vision, a thick ceiling of clouds that hug all the other clouds down to crowd out the sun. in the distance, consistent gray. the clouds here can be deceptive in their apparent desire to linger; some days at one pm, we are thinking it's going to be gray and chilly all day, and then suddenly the "marine layer" will blow off and the sun warms everyone to short sleeves. but i think this day might start and finish gray. and chilly. i'm wearing a warm (gray ~ the only one clean!) winter hoodie-sweater and knee socks under my jeans. snuggly house shoes. i have had three different warm drinks and am contemplating the next being hot chocolate to treat myself. already put on the Jill Scott. :-)

so today, knowing that happiness is unconditional but feeling the gray clouds creep under the roof and enfold me, i extend this little thank you note ~ to those loved ones out there who electronically tap me on the shoulder, tell me you love me and insist that i answer you back. i sure do appreciate it. i love you, too.

Jill Scott

J-I-LL-S-CO-TT-~-! Speaking of booty-shakin' music, I can't get enough Jill Scott lately. I listened to her all day one day, then took a break, and listened to her all day again today! I don't want to listen so much that I get tired of it, but.. It just feels so good to me! If you'd told me a few years back I'd be listening to this woman on repeat, first I would've said, Who? But then I wouldn't have believed you, because she's just so.. so.. soulful. And... laying it all out there in a certain way. Kindof like a mature, R-n-B Ani DiFranco (whom I love), only without the big boots, purple hair or bisexual undertones (don't get me wrong: those I love, too ;-). So maybe you could say it was just a matter of time, but I've always felt so...white. and particularly non soul-ful. Bellydancing sparked in me a huge education in appreciation for beats at which to shake the booty, and, by this point, I just love soul music - classic R-n-B like Otis Redding and Aretha Franklin, Funk, like James Brown and Parliament, Jazz-based hiphop (I'm sure "they" call that something specific), Prince and Michael Jackson, and recently even quite a few contemporary R-n-B artists, such as Erykah Badu, and even Missy Elliot. Enter Jill Scott. And I haven't just left this new love on the dancefloor; I have even brought it into my singing. With a background in classical singing, I started taking voice lessons again over a year ago, saying that I wanted to sing like Aretha Franklin (now, don't laugh). I started out with straight jazz - a lot of Ella Fitzgerald, etc. In the past few months, with the encouragement and challenge of my teacher, Kathy Kennedy [ as well as the inspiration of Eva Cassidy, the soulfullest white woman I've heard], I have finally built up the nerve to try my hand at some Aretha, Chaka Khan, Whitney Houston (!), and even some blues. For a white girl who started out singing opera, I'm doing pretty good...
As a beginning bellydancer I practiced and practiced to get the hang of each move. When I danced at home, I closed my eyes and imagined embodying my teachers, Teresa and Julie, so that I could move the way they moved. Nowadays when I'm singing, I imagine that I'm Jill Scott.
"Representing lu-hu-huv!!!"

Unexpectedly Pleasant

Our dishwasher hasn't ever worked that well.  Being in a rental, with a dishwasher not required by the lease, period, we have tried to be thankful for what we have.  But.  For the last ... six months, it has been just-plain jacked.  And even  with two handy-boys in residence, it has only done better mysteriously in fits and starts.  Many a dish comes out looking like it never went in, while others come out dirtier.  Then the other day when Sealion tried to open it after a load finished, the handle broke, locking a load of "clean" dishes in there.  Our landlord usually responds promptly to calls, but must be out of town as we haven't heard from him regarding our calls about this appliance.  So we are handwashing dishes. And as much as we like cooking and eating around here... We are very quickly remembering how to make one-pot meals, and to use the same mug all day regardless of whether it's for tea, coffee, water or wine.  When I am left with the task of washing a sinkful, I find that I can put it off up until the hour before anyone else returns home to find the mess.  I have also found that I actually enjoy washing dishes by hand.  Unlike the angst-ridden chore of opening a warm dishwasher only to find half the dishes need to be rewashed anyway, washing a sinkful of dishes is straightforward and satisfying.  You start out with a pile of dirty dishes, and with some strategy and elbow grease you finish with sparkling-clean dishes and an empty, shining sink.  Add some relaxed, booty-shakin' music, and I consider it not at all a bad way to spend a half-hour or more.
 I could imagine how, if one had a full-time schedule outside the home, and didn't have a dishwasher ever, this task could quickly become a chore.  However that is not my situation.  And knowing these time-efficient boys in my life, there will be a new dishwasher in the kitchen shortly.  So I can plunge my hands into the suds deeply and relish fully, knowing it's short-term.  And when no one else (over age two) is around, I sing really loud.  ;-)

Oh, Baja!

As with any experience that moves me deeply, I am speechless. I have looked at a blank blog page for days trying to sum it up perfectly. And it's just not coming to me. So to move on from that last entry, I shall simply post some photos. There are so many good feelings in so many of the photos we took ~ Woo, Sealion, and I ~ that it is hard to choose just a few.

At the beginning of the week, Woo posed the question, "How long could you do this?" Meaning, how long could we relax, bask in the sun, loaf at the pool, float and swim in the sea, enjoy each other's company and the laid-back Baja culture, and just: not do much. When she asked, I thought, I could get bored pretty quickly... But by the end of the week I was certainly not ready to return to uptight American living (doing). It seems in America we are driven to do and do. Too, I feel as if the culture in the Bay Area is very achievement-oriented. To sit and do nothing is relegated to the end of yoga class. Our lives demand so much of us. And when external have-tos are finished, we demand even more of ourselves. Perhaps the main thing I appreciate from my experiences of Baja Sur is how slooooowed down it is. There's just not much to do. For what there is to do, there is no agenda. The culture is therapeutic in its non-expectation. The sun is the only insistent presence there; it insists you seek shade and take a nap midday. That just gives you a little extra time to wonder at the vast starry sky at night.

Ok. I guess I did have something to say. Mainly, that I wasn't ready to leave and want to go back. So it's obvious I have some major gratitude work to do, because nobody should pay the laughably high prices to live here unless they absolutely love it.

photos of a lovely vacation ~ in random order

~ many taken by Woo : )

The crew ~ what an easy group to spend a week with!

Auntie Woo

At Lumbini Gardens

The banana tree that Miles planted at Lumbini Gardens ~

and its huge flower that descends from a big ol' bunch of bananas!

I did a lot of this ~ floating in the sea.

ahhhh

sunrise from our back patio

being a mommy ~

I still get to do a lot of that while on vacation.

Woo, I noticed one thing I didn't get a photo of ~ our daily plate of heavenly chips and guacamole!

Next time!