"Want an Obama T-shirt? MoveOn's giving them out if you make a small donation to their young-voter registration program, aimed at registering half a million young voters in swing states. I just got mine, and wanted to share the opportunity with you."

Click this link to get your Obama T-shirt:

http://pol.moveon.org/obamatshirts/index13.html?id=-6917002-P0UIlXx

going home, creating home, and finding home inside yourself

Burning Man.  As thousands in the Bay Area, and around the world, pack up the last of their gear, or are even heading that way at this very moment, Papa Sealion and I are planning our own, intimate road trip miles away from the Black Rock Desert.  It was a tough tough choice for this big watermelon-belly mama.  The first year that I attended, Black Rock City rocked me to the innermost core.  Up until a few days before we departed, I wasn't sure; I couldn't really prove I was Worthy enough in my own mind, Big enough, or Up To It.  I now know that I am a citizen of Black Rock City, as much as the dustiest veteran.  I feel as at home there as any other place on the planet I've ever been. I really do believe I could go, and Baby and I would be just fine.  But I don't need to "prove" anything to myself.  And that's kinda what I feel I would be doing if I went (besides feeding my spirit wholly and deeply). 

Here's a letter I wrote to my brother Gemini Cricket as he packs for the playa:

 

i am having a hard time today, knowing everyone is getting ready to go, or leaving. i really feel like crying. i probably will get around to it.
please please please think of me often and dedicate some spiritual time for me.
don't take it for granted or feel like it's old hat. breathe deeply, soak up the dust and the sun, and the beautiful bare breasts and hearts. make connections.
open yourself up and be vulnerable. live some art and some poetry. be affected. and transformed. let it wipe your slate clean.
remember why it's cool, and that you're a part of that.
i will be wishing these things for you.
and i'll be there in spirit at every moment, so look for me, and then remember and tell me about it when you return.

So my goal now, as it has been, is to keep bringing Black Rock City home with me, to make it here, anywhere, always inside me.  (To reiterate what I already wrote to a certain extent:  )That quality that lets me be totally present and totally in love with every moment of the day-to-day, seeing it as a ritual of beauty, and paying attention to the details.  It's not being bored, or impatient.  It's *seeing* people and making the effort and the personal investment in connecting with others.  Hearing the music in the traffic noise.  Opening myself up to being vulnerable, and being affected.  To being so inspired with being alive that finite hours of sleep are enough (important in the coming months!), and savored for their preciousness.  To seeing and being Art in everything, because it's true, and worth it and why not.  Dancing passionately, and knowing I'm beautiful and so are you.  

With this new and fresh creature growing inside my belly and making its presence very much known, I gotta admit, it's not that difficult to be fascinated by the "everyday" lately.  *Life* is fucking incredible!  ~ when you're pregnant, and when you're not!  When you're new, and when you're old.  Being an Earthling is a fascinating, juicy existence.  It's nice, "in this day and age" with our cushy circumstances, to spend a week out in the desert to be reminded of this. But we don't have to.  And, really, we don't even have to open our eyes (physically) to see the miracles. 

It's all there, all the time.  

sunrise: magical no matter where on the planet you see it.

i still look forward to the next time i get to go to burning man, though.  ;-)

This post is not what I intended it to be when I wrote the title, but I think I'll keep it.  

what's in a name?

Yeppers.  

(I typed "yuppers" first ~ what do *you* think the spelling of this word should be?)

I changed the name of my blog.  I think in the "pro" blogging world, this might be a no-no, but I'm not a pro, and I needed a change.  I felt I had outgrown WIDE WORLD OF TIF.

Reflection ~ the day I headed out for C-A.  

When I created this blog, years ago now, the story of my life was 100% up in the air, and up for grabs.  I had no clue where it was headed, and welcomed this unknown.  I was riding my life bare-back and holding onto my hat as I took off for who-knows-what.  It felt Big, and dramatic, and Important.  Romantic, or glamourous.  

It didn't take me too long, time-wise, to wear out on that.  Glamour gratifies and is quickly addictive, but it doesn't Nourish Deep Down.  I needed nourishment.  I veered off at a Y in the path and it slowly step-by-step (moment by moment, peu a peu) led me here.  Now.  

I feel soooo much different than the woman in the photos at the beginning of this journey.  Thanks to some blessed Mirrors along the way, I can say that I feel as if I've learned some things.  And I like myself more.  I feel as ready as I can be for the path immediately in view.  And, more importantly, I'm excited to embark.  

The name I have chosen, Moment by Moment, symbolizes this quiet(er), step-by-step path I visualize taking.  Hopefully being present.  Hopefully being mindful.  Hopefully still taking time to see and smell the flowers.  If I could get Blogger to work with me, It wouldn't be a yelled, ALL-CAPS, but a more conversational extension of a hand in invitation.  Peu à peu is French for "little by little".  I have a love-affair with French, and love this phrase.  It says much, poetically.

Reflection ~ last week.  

So here I go.. !  I have wanted to post more about my process as this little one has grown bigger and bigger inside of me.  But it feels so BIG (the baby, yes, but the process even more so), that I just never know where to start.  Happily, I at least have been writing to myself, if not the cyber-world.   

Blogging feels good for me, like nettle tea, and sunshine.  So I hope to continue.  And that is the official dedication:  to take a breath, notice, and Share.  Moment by Moment.                     

it's August!!!

pretties

Some of the "planned" flowers. 

Chamomile right before I harvested the flowers.

Calendula, butterfly bush, California poppies, and something else I'm forgetting the name of.  

The red California poppies that are my new favorite.

weeds

These intricate and lovely puff-balls have formed on their wild 6-foot-stalks in our sideyard.

Look at them closer:  they have an inviting pattern.

Our yard is all a-bloom!  Seeds that were sown months ago are sharing their sunny show with us.  California poppies (the red ones are my new favorites!), calendula, nasturtiums (where we want them, *and* where we don't ..), sunflowers of many variety, zinnia, cosmos .. and then all the wildflower mix that I planted and haven't gotten to know by name yet.  It is dazzling and festive.  

And then, there are the weeds.  There are many weeds.  They grow even better (and faster) than the planned flowers.  But what's in a name?  The dandelion is a deeply nourishing plant ~ its roots, leaves, and yellow flower.  But we know how most Americans feel about a dandelion.  For years I have been enchanted by the idea that "weeds" ~ "wild (or unplanned) plants" ~ are simply useful plants that we haven't formed a relationship with yet.  My garden beds have always tended toward the untamed.  This is partially the reason:  I know that most of those "weeds" are useful somehow ~ if only I knew the "how".   When I read Sandor Katz's (*highly* recommended) The Revolution Will Not be Microwaved, I became a bold enthusiast of gleaned fruits (read: fruit that fell off the tree onto the sidewalk), and a timid taster of wild plants.  I knew (with the book to prove it!) that so many of those foreign (to me) leaves were edible, nourishing, and/or medicinal.  

This year I have been infatuated with thoughts of studying with Susun Weed, foremost author and teacher of the Wise Woman Tradition ~ the unofficial and time-honored knowledge of  the grandmother-shaman-wisdomkeepers of our universal heritage.  The weeds have spoken to her, and they have much to say.  But being the expert single-tasker (as opposed to multi-tasker ~ hee hee) that I am, I have been 100% focused (voluntarily and involuntarily) on this new role that I have accepted of being a Mother.  I consider it the most important of my time.  So I have kept my studying simply to the books, applying herbal wisdom to my own situation, and feeling it out for myself, as have so many mothers before me.  It feels indeed magical, powerful, and empowering to dabble.  My body thanks me for it.

Someday I'll know the human benefits some of those "unplanned plants" are holding.  For now, Sealion will simply have to bare with my untamed gardens.             

handmade

For years, if ever I had the occasion to give someone a card, I always made it myself.  There have been many last-minute birthday and parents' day cards presented over the years (sometimes with still-wet glue!), but it felt good to give at least a little something handmade. The last few years I've not mustered the steam to get out a card at all, let alone a homemade one.  But recently I've been inspired.  

My Dad's birthday is today (happy birthday, Dad!), and I made him a card (and even sent it on time!).  The stock is sturdy watercolor paper, and the rest is from magazine pages (including the envelope).  He's retiring this year ~ a monumental occasion for this loyal Civil Servant.  He has visions of becoming a professional sailor.  I hope so bad he does it.  So that's what this card is about.   

nappies

I received our first shipment of diapers.  I hope/plan to get as many as possible second hand, but. . I just wanted to have some so I could see them and touch them.  Maybe because having them around means that Baby is coming.  Soon.  And for real.  I have never been one of those girls who oogles and coos over a baby and baby things, so my reaction is a new experience for me:  when I got them in the mail, I pulled them out and had this warmy feeling inside.  I'm delighted about them.  They are soft and sweet-smelling and fresh and new ~ just like our little one will be.  I have kept them out ~ just sitting there ~ so that when I walk by, or am doing other things, I can look over at them, and get that same warmy feeling inside, and a delighted smile on my face even if I'm by myself.  

I know that soon enough, my view of diapers forever will be changed.  And those diapers themselves will be, too.  But this is how I feel right now.  I just wanted to write it down to save and savour.  

This feeling.   

"nappy" is the name British-influenced countries use instead of "diaper". 

preaching to the choir in this readership, but: there's an organization for every cause, including spreading the word about using cloth diapers.   

Did you know: Every hour, the sun delivers as much energy to the Earth as all of humanity uses in a year.

Photo by World Resources Institute.

Watch Al Gore's latest speech.

http://www.wecansolveit.org/

MyFarm

Trevor has done it again!  This time on the front page of the New York Times.  

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/22/dining/22local.html

For another gander at his website, go here:  MyFarm

good

I feel the Love.

linked

in case you were out of luck when you tried to visit the link in the go, gyrl! post, it's now corrected.  

go read about cool people and happenings in Berea, KY!!  

Purring with my kitties while they still have my (mostly) undivided attention and adoration.
They're such good buddies to me! Makes me kinda weepy-eyed. .

sweet pea

harvest

Our first tomatoes!!

And a few figs as bonus.

Also:  all the nasturtium flowers you can eat, and a handful of basil. 

Yippee!

Our tomato vine is proudly hiding her produce.  As I looked at the plant, I saw many tinier green fruits, but none yet ripe.  Until I got down close and looked underneath; like a hen with her chicks, the tomato was hiding a bountiful early harvest under her lowest vines!  I had to use my garden clog to collect them, there were so many.  

 

go, gyrl!

More front-page news about my movin' and shakin' friends.  This time about Jessa and Nathan.  

Bravo!!  

Nathan and Jessa when they came to visit last Spring. 

http://www.kentucky.com/news/state/story/454203.html

And here's the website for their company, HomeGrown HideAways. 

http://homegrownhideaways.org/default.aspx

sunshine + double-edged truth = sunburn

as for what i was really expressing in that last post, here it is:  

i have been feeling sunny and energized recently. in my prenatal yoga class yesterday, our teacher asked us to summarize in one adjective what our experience was at that moment. the class answers ran the rainbow spectrum of pregnant feelings, from exhausted to relieved to gleeful. my answer was, "sunny". i felt a tad bit pollyanna, but ~ it was honest at that moment. then our teacher, Uma, told us to close our eyes as she took us into her always-moving, never-the-same-one-twice guided meditation. she told us to go to the center of our adjective-experience, and hold it as we would the hand of a newborn. feel it for real, examine every inch, smell it, listen to it, taste it. what was the core truth in it? could we *be* with that truth? and as i looked at the newborn-hand of my truth, i realized i held it with silver-lined anxiety and tenuous clinging; i didn't want it to disappear into cloudy murk. i feel as if i plod along in my self-titled turtle way yet my emotions are mysterious, flighty, and not nearly as reliable as my pace. Uma instructed us to come away with a single pearl of wisdom from the truth that was at our center. From my sunny spot, i felt good about this pearl: that no matter where my emotions ended up day-by-day (especially being the example to a wee impressionable-one), things would be fine if i could just be aware in them. show up.
this morning i woke up at the top of my world. i wrote in my morning journal (which is much easier to do when the emotional sun is out) that i wished i could bottle the way i felt at that moment, so that when i was low, i could simply open up the bottle, take a whiff, and be instantly transported. now i am low. the companionship of my cats does not console me, and i can't find the bottle that i put that sunshine in! the pearl of wisdom i told my sunny self doesn't really feel that good. i would much rather be feeling sunny than be aware in my sorrow and ever-shifting emotionality.

on the lovely blog that i have spent embarrassingly long reading today, Superhero Journal, she quoted this:

"Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering. When you become good at the art of letting sufferings go, then you'll come to realize how unnecessary it was for you to drag those burdens around with you. You'll see that no one else other than you was responsible. The truth is that existence wants your life to become a festival."
-Osho

usually i would grab onto this and make it a mantra. make a mental refrigerator magnet or inspirational coffee mug out of it. but today, this next one (also found on her blog) feels more true:


"We are the mirror as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste this minute
of eternity. We are pain
and what cures pain, both. We are
the sweet cold water and the jar that pours."
Rumi

that person in my life who would much rather document sunshine than sorrow:  this blog post is dedicated to you.  

what would you be doing if you weren't on the internet right now?

i have this vivid, not-too-secret fantasy that peak oil will happen and pass in my near future, that we'll run out and things will shut down, and we'll be bound to survive "without."  none of the modern conveniences we've grown so quickly to depend on ~ including phones, and computers.  we'll have chickens and goats in our backyard, and a network of survivalists who will reawaken an age of craftsmanship, art, and living day-by-day b/c there's just no other way to do it.  all of the skills i have honed will finally have a purpose and my interests will finally be useful.

i sure as hell wouldn't have been sitting at this computer for hours eavesdropping on other people's lives via the internet.  

http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/archives/001277.html

it's July!!!

Kitty!

I love my Kitty-girl. 

Rokia Traore ~ Bowmboi

Absolutely lovely.

http://www.rokiatraore.net/

Our own backyard harvest.  

Some snap peas hiding under there, too!    

MyFarm

In other great news, I must brag about my friend, Trevor.  I met Trevor as we volunteered, and then apprenticed, at Three Stone Hearth community-supported kitchen.  Trevor is vibrant with big ideas, and the motivation, energy, and chutzpah(!) to accomplish them.  After studying permaculture through Merritt College and working in some community gardens around the city, Trevor started his own business.  His target clientele are folks in San Francisco who have yardspace, love good food, but don't have the time/energy/know-how to raise food themselves.  Trevor's company plans, cultivates, and plants a garden for them.  Then they maintain it, harvest the produce, and distribute the bounty throughout his group of clients.  It's called MyFarm.  And after being at it for only this first season, Trevor has been featured on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle! I'm brimming with pride for my friend.  

Here's the article, very interesting:

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/06/23/MN8R118AR4.DTL

And here's the link to MyFarm's website:

http://www.myfarmsf.com/

photo: Trevor in early February, after a huge seafood feast at his place in the Lower Haight. 

flowers for Stella

California poppies abloom in the city sunshine today.  

Sacred Advertisement

Capricorn Horoscope for week of June 5, 2008

from Rob Brezsny, of course. 

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photo:  Ganesha dances with Poppy Jasper.  

Woo-hooo!

Woo 

~ during one of our many Grand Adventures ~ 

this January in Las Vegas. 

I don't think I could describe how I really feel about Woo without crying.  Her friendship touches me so deeply.  Co-conspirator and confidante, gentle ear and shoulder, encourager and idea-generator.  She has shown me what integrity and Love look and act like, as well as teaching me what they don't act like.  Woo is honest and brave.  Her example of patient, steady friendship has been one of the shining-est and most enduring I have ever had.  Tops on my list of heart-felt wishes is that I might be as good a friend to Woo as she has been and is to me.  I hope Woo and I know each other forever.      

banana in my belly*

I can hear you from here:

As much as we love your cats, we want the GOODS! Tell us about being PREGNANT! You are surely keeping the real cat in the bag by not writing about that!

Welp, we had another midwife visit with Judy and her apprentice, Janelle, last Thursday.

They listened to my belly with the fetoscope, and. .. we got to hear that little person's heartbeat for the first time! Little but steady, it ka-thunk-ka-thunked from deep within.

Judy and Janelle. 

Be very very quiet.

Laughing as I hear my baby for the first time. 

I feel all kinds of movement these days inside my belly.  Fluttering and flopping, all pretty much from that left side.  Sometimes it reminds me of what it feels like when you first start down the big hill on a rollercoaster, only in a very isolated location in my belly.  We're about 21 weeks along by now (when you're pregnant, your time is measured in weeks) ~ more than half-way, and according to BabyCenter.com, if we took a look in there, we'd see a creature that is longer than a banana*, and looks like a tiny infant (as opposed to all its earlier manifestations).  Now it's time to grow.  

I have had strangers make reference to my condition (like the server at Chez Panisse asking if he could get me a non-alcoholic alternative to the aperitif), and I'm pretty sure I'm getting a warmer brand of smile from people on the streets very recently.  This bulky fuzzy sweater that I'm still wearing despite it being early June (fine weather we're having!) does a great job of adding size to my steadily-growing pot of a belly.  (Hunny pot.)  But mostly all the food I'm eating is what does that trick.  ;-)

Feeling pretty good right now, out of the first queasy phase, but not yet into the aches-and-pains-and-can-barely-walk phase.

Me and my first baby, just a coupla days ago.  

 

Mr. Sealion is a steady support for my ever-faceted emotionality, and a blessed worshipper-o-the-curves.  He deserves a medal.         

my hero.

It's tough to be a housecat

Another day-in-the-life for this girl's favorite feline friends.

They take it pretty hard.