cirk-o-six

let me tell you about new year's. cuz i got some good shots, and it was a good time. as i wrote to you in an earlier entry, i expected not to get to perform with my lovely lucent family that night. they were debuting a new piece, of which i hadn't been a part of the creation process. cool. i would get to boogie-down audience-style, and maybe help out backstage as needed (isn't it always needed?). turns out they were performing my beloved elf-show. there's no way in hell i'd miss a chance to crawl around on all fours with my ass in the air, lick strawberry's foot while orley humps my head, intermittently gettin' to shake that jiggley booty forest-style. on stage while hundreds of people watch. what better way to ring in a new calendar year. the party, which was called Cirk-O-Six, was at a grand old theatre in downtown LA. every corner, arch, stairwell, and ceiling that could be ornately decorated, gilt, sculptured, muraled, was. besides the mainhall where we vaudevillians and cirquus-types performed (check out those wau wau sisters.. ), there were several other galleries around corners and down hallways with other art installations and live music happenin.
my handsomest pardner-in-fashion-crime was in perfect attendance, with rainbow-marbled hair that matched his professor plum purple zoot suit. (i bout jumped out of my elf-ears when i got a load of him in that get-up.) mackin-daddy with his lovely lady visiting from NYC, thoopadoopa superkate, a coupla her friends, ms. nikii and mister~~all these extra-curriculars were in attendance and mad fashion dazzlement.
the new piece that lucent dossier performed was new territory yet again. the costumes were intricate, organic, and a textural feast,yet again. live musicians joined our dancing crew to make wondrous in-the-moment magic (the violin solo broke my heart!). the highlight of the piece for me as a fellow-lucent-turned-audience-member, was to watch roger, who usually plays the comic-fool or monkey in our troupe. his modern-style duet and trio was as graceful, evocative, and perfectly-timed as his monkey is buffoonish and goofy. my favorite act of the night was my virgin viewing of DC Juicy, and, well, how can i describe them? comic hip-hop with frickin sexy dancers? Lisa, Orley, and my Strawberry, all from LD, dance hip-hop go-go style for this show, with changes of hottie costumes. fun. hilarious. sexy.
after we helped load-out at four a.m. (!), my pardner and i joined the after-party at Space Island, where we boogied the sun up. the place was still packed at seven when we could shake our tailfeather no more. we went to my favorite breakfast diner, Millie's, in silverlake, and had our new year's pancake and egg. my boy fell asleep on his toast. i have RARELY in my life done the all-night-through-to-the-morning thing (as is the routine for so many of my loved-ones in LA). i was proud to do it up right. we marveled: if someone had told you a year ago that you'd be performing and partying in LA on new year's 2006, etc. etc., with all the details, what would you have said? [buyer beware: a WHOLE LOT can happen in a year!!] [!!]

photos (randomly):
the theatre, outside rain, inside splendor, backstage chaos
showin' off that man o mine, after-party glamour-puss, sleepy in front of millie's ~ with the downtown LA skyscape in the teeny-tiny background, a coupla onstage elf photos by pixie ~ one of elf me sizing-up orley for a bite!
www.pixievisionproductions.com, for more ~ sea of dreams, LA
http://www.sodla.com/

scrappy

and the puns just keep on comin'!

made these two collages this week. one's a self-portrait-o-sorts, the other is a card for my mama and her honey.

hell yes

free will astrology for january 19: capricorn.

I suggest you proceed as if long-standing limitations have become irrelevant.



photo by sealion: blowing the lid off coit tower, sf.

cookie! (read with cookie-monster voice)

and while we're on the subject of my amazing mama, why don't we finally get around to talking about Barb and Tif's Annual CookieBakestravaganzatacular!

growing up, i spent a lot of time with my mom in the kitchen. i had my own kiddie apron (with snoopy and woodstock on it)(eating a hamburger and fries), and loved to be mommy's helper. there's a photo of tiny me in that apron with flour all over (wonder if it was staged. . ). she gave me jobs like measuring the chocolate chips and grinding the nuts.
ever since i was .. eleven or so, we've had a big ol' christmas cookie bake on thanksgiving weekend. it started out not as a tradition, and then turned into one. and one of my favorite days of the year. it's such an event--this year, we spread it out over two days so that we could breathe in between batches. we prepare some doughs in advance so that they can already be chilled and ready to roll out and bake. there are bags and bags of walnuts, pecans, chocolate chips, coconut, melting- chocolate, sprinkles, not to mention the pounds of flour and butter and sugar. dozens of eggs. and pots of tea and coffee. we make out our list, check all the ingredients, tie on our aprons, set the coffee to brewing, and.. . WE'RE OFF! mom uses one side of the counter and i use the other, we share cookie sheets and oven responsibility ("did you set the timer?" "smells like they're done!") i like to pretend we have our own food show, and talk to the imaginary camera over my shoulder (yeah, so i act like this with or without high doses of caffeine and sugar--what's your point?) we usually have a man-friend around to run to the store for that ingredient we forgot, for "quality control," and to give us something else to fuss over so we get distracted and burn a few in the oven (these we call "biscotti" ;). about midway through we break and eat some thanksgiving leftovers. then, later, coffee with pumpkin pie. all the while listening to christmas records. the dining room table gets completely covered with row after row of stack upon stack of batch after batch of different drops of christmas confections. and about ten pm, after i've had my holiday sweater on while working around a hot oven for twelve hours, crashed after ingesting ten times as much sugar as i'm used to, and mom has forgotten the third or fourth sheet of cookies destined to become biscotti. .. it's time to cozy up by the tv and watch the food network! (i don't watch tv at home, so this is part of the treat of getting to visit with mom--the food network.) we watch iron chef, thirty-minute meal, what the celebrities are eating, and mom checks back and forth to see what they're re-decorating/remodeling on whatever that channel is.
the next day we do it all again. the first day is more for rolling dough, cutting, and baking, this day is more for decorating, assembling, and cramming one more recipe into the lineup. i get a cramp in my hand from decorating so many gingerbread folks with individually-detailed outfits and faces. we count the cookies, admire our product (and take photos, of course). it's hard to decide which one's the prettiest, and which recipe tastes best. we divide them up and put them in containers. there are always a few cookies left over that don't manage to get decorated or sandwiched after they're baked. and there's always talk of what we'll do better or different next year.

barb and tif's 2005 cookie lineup:
gingerbread teddy bears and palm trees
sugar cookie snowflakes with white chocolate
coconut macaroons
peanut butter-chocolate pinwheels
partridge-in-a-pear-tree sandwich cookies with marmalade
meringue mushrooms with chocolate-dipped caps
pecan tassies
thumbprint cookies with raspberry filling
chocolate-peppermint pinwheels (the experimental first batch..!)
what'd i forget?

mama

yeah, and did i mention~~my mom got married??!!?
after he popped the question and produced the ring perhaps a week before, she calls me up the monday night before new year's and says, "tif, we're thinking about doing something crazy. .. !" i say, "well, you're asking the wrong person if you're looking to be talked out of doing something crazy!" (she liked this response. i knew she would.) "we're thinking about moving the date up. . ." "how soon?" "this friday!!" she was all a-giggle, as she has been since the week she started dating this sweet man in august. i told her i think timing is very important. if they felt the time was right, then who's to say otherwise.
they were married friday, december 30th at 3:30pm, in mom's living room, with a few family and friends. i gave her away over the phone (plane tickets to KY for new year's with that short notice were astronomical) with beau d holding my hand in his truck in the los angeles traffic violations parking lot (ha!). i got to hear the whole ceremony. and cried. they headed (from elizabethtown) to the lexington marriot where they rang in the new year with champagne and filet mignon and dancing and confetti (all a first for my mom. she feels like a queen).
a few days later the mail carrier delivered a tupperware filled with white cake, gold confetti, and white tulips from her bouquet. :)
my mom's a good woman with a huge heart. as beautiful as she remains, life's given her her share of suffering and tears. to hear her laughing, to see her in her kitchen dancing cheek-to-cheek with a man who adores her--my heart overflows with gratitude and joy. what a blessing.
to mom and mister: may your years be filled with dancing. :)

photos:
mom and mister (at thanksgiving),
me and beau d. in LA "live via teleceremony"

be mine:

be there.

Lucent L'amour
a visionary love fest

• Saturday Feb. 11th •

..In the newly restored St. Vibiana's Cathedral
Over 20,000 sq. ft. of Historical Architecture
Beautiful Outdoor Gardens
18th century style fashion Show
Multiple Art galleries and sculptures
The Fountain of Youth
Sinners Closet Confessionals
Extreme Lighting and Visuals

Full Cash Bar
Veggy and Vegan Snacks

..the sounds of
Lorin Bassnectar
El Papa Chango el circo
David Starfire space island
Helios Jive heliosjive.com
Oscure LABA
Porter Tinsley portertinsley.com
Jupiter do lab
Maximillion SF
Sammy Bliss and Jesse Wright pocket djs

..special performances
Dangerously Scandelous Dossier Fashion Show
.. by Lucent Dossier Vaudiville Cirque
More TBA

..art gallery curated by
Mike Russik transport gallery, six degrees festival
artists to be announced soon...

..sculptures provided by
Shrine
Sean Sobczak
Stefano
Ken Eeberman
More TBA

..sound systems
Turbo Sound by Mobius

..vegan and veggy refreshments served by
PlayFood

St. Vibiana's Cathedral built in 1880

The Door will open at 9pm on Saturday Feb. 11th, and the shenanigans will carry on until
4AM.


Carpool out to the event. Driving is more fun with friends and we need the space to ensure that everyone has a safe place to park. Carpool! Carpool! Carpool!

GO BIG!

endangered

and while we're on the subject of chocolate~~
what a good subject!! we stay here for a while. :)

i have tried another good one.
Endangered Species Chocolate Company
"Chocolate with a Cause"
Dark Chocolate with Espresso Beans.
70% cocoa, not bad!
and from the ingredient list it looks vegan.
www.chocolatebar.com

it has a gorgeous tiger gazing lovingly from the wrapper.
they donate a portion of the profits to tiger protection efforts.
you open it up like a fortune cookie, and it tells you a story about tigers and their plight for existence. and about Thanksgiving Coffee Company that is sustainably harvested, and roasted lovingly in Ft. Bragg, California, and added to this delectable chocolate. www.thanksgivingcoffee.com

and you have a pretty piece of gold paper to use for origami when you're done devouring or savouring.

dagoba hits my spot

oh.

oh.

ohmigod.

right there, just like that.

ooOOhh!!
ooOOooh! !!
i've eaten a new chocolate!

and~~yes, it's that good.

usually i am strictly a dark chocolate girl. the darker the better.
but dagoba proved to me that milk chocolate can give me that special feeling too.
chai.

yeah.
it's that good. gots to smoke me a cigarette after one bite!
(((*don't tell tb!!*)))

home

[written december 30, 2005]
soundtrack:
that one jane's addiction song--is it called "home"? he at least says "home." i love that song.

finally felt right to return to LA. not sure if i'll be performing with Lucent Dossier, but feel really good about attending and supporting my family in their endeavor regardless.

rode the train from sac, leaving at 6:35 am. got to see the countryside with sunrise. fog, low and clingy, hovering just above soupy bogs. then through miles and miles of vineyards, and the backsides of industrial parks.

the evolution: of dreading even visiting LA, to missing it deeply for the loved ones who give it (and me) life. as i reunited with the backed-up streets, dirty sidewalks, homeless folks asking for change, endless vietnamese diners and laundromats, i breathed a sigh of relief and had to laugh at myself. if i can learn to love LA, anyone can. or maybe--anyone can change if they open their mind a smidgeon.

when i walked through the door at abundant sugar, beau d. (my sweetest sweetness), gave me a long and tender hug and breathed in my ear, "welcome home."
thank you.

photos:
sunrise seen from the southbound
my happy-blue travel bag avec balloon [at abundant sugar. composition, photo (and ribbon curling) by tomas verde himself]

dreadful no more!

i severed ties with the dreads!! those rainbow locks of power, energy, personality and history are .. history themselves.
i had to do it!
it had to be spontaneous!
i decided on the drive back from las vegas, and remained anonymously un-dreadful until the new year. . sneaky-like.
the first time i jogged without my beloved heft of locks, and felt the breeze on my scalp, it was shocking!!
being rainbowly dreadful lent itself to a particular brand of attention every day of the year (even when i didn't feel like it). not so much in the bigger cities (except atlanta), and not always pleasant or positive. a coupla brothas were downright confrontational with me, and i tried my best to be respectful of their point of view. i can't tell them what it's like to have their heritage, and they can't tell me who i am in my heart.
as much as i loved my dreads, even through the shearing process, i feel more like "myself" already without them. i feel lighter and spunkier. even more rainbow-delicious. as i evolve, the dreads began to represent the "old me," cherished and appreciated as she is. my beloved friend dar went through a similar ceremony for the new year~~he called it a skin shedding, like the snake. just as keeping something may have sacred meaning, the letting go is sacred as well.

to my dreads, i dedicate the scene in harold and maude (one of my favorite scenes--hard to choose, i know!!)~~when he gives her the penny that he had engraved to say "harold loves maude." they are sitting by a body of water. she looks at it, (and in that gorgeous accent of hers) says something like, "harold, it's marvelous!" and immediately hoists it into the water! "now i'll always know where it is!"

thank you, dreads, for your powerful medusa-lioness energy, your attention to detail, your ever-insistence on perfect imperfection, and your willingness to evolve in your own way.

photos (pick the photo you'd like to go with the caption!):
dreads on the floor!!
troy's scared.
the first snip.
me and my dreads (i kept a few there for a coupla days)
profile (nothing now but the nose!). even those last remaining stragglers are gone now.

welcome back and happy new year

ok.



after that last bit of self-indulgent melodrama, we need a balancing silly pill. although i think it's important to give voice to our personal pains and hurts, i think it is just as important not to take ourselves too seriously.(!) i am so frickin blessed, and still manage to wallow in low places sometimes. with this in mind, a poem (read with orange marker and flowers around the borders):

sun shines at my back
lover coming home
orange shoes by my side
i pout and feel alone.
surely all this beauty
cannot be deserved
i hurt and play the martyr~~
damn, am i absurd!

at this time, WIDE WORLD OF TIF would like to thank you for your patience as we underwent a "spiritual huddle." back in action, i've missed our correspondence. i gleefully anticipate the rainbow possibilities of 2006!!*!*
as my eyes come into focus from this meditation, i must direct your attention to some authors and books that have been invaluable to me so far in my quest for spiritual and artistic flight (however frickin cheesey that may sound).

Julia Cameron's book, THE ARTIST'S WAY, is largely responsible for helping me arrive where i am today. literally.
Rob Brezsny~~that rowdy irreverent much-more-than-astrologer~~has held a torch on my path for years now. ever since i picked up his newest book, PRONOIA is the antidote for paranoia [how the whole world is conspiring to shower you with blessings], it has blessed me in uncanny ways everytime i crack it open (and color its pages, write poems in the margins, rip out pages to make cards for friends..). i generally consider it a handbook and life-reference tool.
Thich Nhat Hahn, the vietnamese buddhist monk (and much much more!!), through his book BEING PEACE, has gently instructed me to live in the present, with a smile on my face. (!) you can't help but wanna be like him, to see things as he sees them. he's a cool guy. reading his words is like a good ass-kickin work-out. if my attitude is not matching up with my beliefs, i gotta read a little from him, and things make sense again.

fly

soundtrack: Björk's Miðvikudags, from Medulla


i grapple with glory. i glimpse it on the beam of the sunrise, the green of fresh-dewed moss, the absolute ease of the cat in the doorway, the effortless grace of a hawk. i am a part of nature, not apart from it; it is my birthright, as a fellow child of the sun. yet firing in the infinite folds of this bulbous brain: conspiracy. i got it outright, inherited it by blood or by behaviour ( ? regardless, it stuck). always the teacher's pet, i eagerly gulped up the lesson, "A+++!!" as i reach for my dreams, as i train for my destiny, the voices inside my head (the ones i learned. . reach back--who do they sound like? do they have an accent? a face?) stealthily trickily succinctly chip away at my footing. i'm left clamouring grasping at "dinnerplate edges" that threaten to crumble even as i reach. i long to reunite with my nature. to swim like the glistening fish that i am, to light on the air like the graceful easy animal of my birth. i reach back reach back back back before you understood the words they used to knock you down (at least you understand it was accidental). when you still rollerskated shirt-free, laughed so the whole street heard you, danced without missing the beat (you are the beat--how could you miss it?). saw with fresh open all-seeing eyes. embracing was not the wrong thing, trusting was not your error. loving was never the accident. it was the fear. the fear that kept you from asking the questions, the fear that petrified you instead of mobilized you, kept you from seeking answers to the queries of your heart. discernment, judgment--you owned them but swallowed them away. curiosity was not rewarded; instead your smile, instead=perfect teeth, instead your ability to endure attack: adorable.

now i am on that cliff, ever poised on that cliff, searching urgently--the crystal pure deep welcoming water down below--the ever-crumbling pore-pocketed sandstone at hand. i have the answer. i know the answer. the answer. i know the answer. let go. be free. leap like the glorious bird of your birthright into the sky into the now into the water that waits and its push for your bouyancy. you know you can swim. you know how it feels. you know that the water is so deep you can see to the bottom. you know how beautiful you feel when you see your hair seaweed trail around you like a mermaid like when you were dolphins and rescued the treasure from the depths to the shore. you know. your body knows. your spirit remembers--remembers your infinite freedom remembers the swish of the wind as you fly. go. let go.
i practice this every day. every morning letting go, jumping off, feeling the water embody my wake. every day i practice the freedom. some days it holds. other days not as well. some days (not as many as before) i don't leap but instead fall, and am drown by the voices. but every day i practice. and someday i will fly like the fish that i am and touch noses with the nature that knows me, its child before i learned to forget.

yeah.

Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.
If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.
Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth
That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others,
Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.
God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.
The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:
Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.
But when we hear
He is in such a "playful drunken mood"
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.



From: ~Hafiz~ 'The Gift'
Translated by Daniel Ladinsky

thank you, Dreaming Bear, for the reminder!

tha's right

overwhelmed yet again. awakenings and realizations wash over me as does the sunlight through the window pane. i am different, changed, renewed.
my birthday: i eat a bite of my mother's wedding cake sent through the mail. a blessed gift. white tulip petals embellish the cream-colored cake. moist nourishing good.

what a year. i felt the building storm on the wind for at least a year before it hit.
glad saturn doesn't return every year; i'd get nothing done--or everything. rollercoaster whirlwind drowning rebirth. forgiveness.
my bestfriend/soultwin and i got a divorce. my only sister died after a lifetime of pain and illness. i moved across the country from my homeland to california. i fell in love and moved in with my mate.


5 a.m. on new year's, after the crazy festivities, in the quiet of the car, my sweet sealion and i had our own "happy new year" kiss (i was on stage when the clock struck midnight, so we were separate for the "official" kiss). i said, "it's 2006! i made it!" at that precise moment a wave of recognition flooded my heart. i didn't realize the significance of what i'd said. all of 2005: details of bitter pain and loss, confusion, my heart ripped out as definitively as if i'd lost a limb. all this sprang forth as i sobbed deeply from my gut. for just a minute or two. just long enough for acknowledgement. and then i had to reopen my eyes to the present: the here and now and blessed.
as i've said probably too much for some: i love my life. i love my family of friends and loved ones. the sun is shining and the world is an adventure. i am more honest with myself, and love myself, more than i have in a very very long time. and every day i feel closer to that sparkly little girl i was when i was seven (i even found the rainbow striped sweater! :). to you, i say: thank you for putting up with me, thank you for calling (even though i rarely answered), thanks for your patience, thank you for your insight, thank you for continuing to dance even when i couldn't find it inside myself. thank you for being my companion on this path as long as you will be. and thank you for everyday being the person/people who inspire me and add that extra zing to my smirk. you show me how to do it. you make it worthwhile.

i love you.
~~tif

New Year's Eve

know what you're wearing?
i want pix of everyone!

~~butterfly ~~

a.k.a shel b. fly

awakening

Awakening is a flowering of your innermost being.
It is a revelation of your essence,
hidden by long eons of self-delusion,
ignorance,
unbounded desires.
Enlightenment is an ending as well as a beginning:
the ending of the old, veiled, dark ego,
its longings, illusions, frustrations;
the beginning of a vast expanse,
an infinite field of the Unknown,
an adventure in consciousness.

It is a revolution:
it represents danger to the old way of life,
to old ways of thinking and living.

It is freedom from the known and the unknown;
from the real and the unreal;
from any appearance of division between you and Truth.

It is the abandoning of beliefs, dis-beliefs,
presumptions and stances,
self, ego,
call it what you will,
or call it nothing,
what it is.

It is the Path of the golden Dawn,
the Path out of the Night of Time
into the Bursting daylight of Eternal Now...


- Petros

thankfully borrowed from "go gratitude"
www.GoGratitude.com/masterkey

zion

can't post pics of vegas without balancing shots of nature, now, can we?
we were two of the handful of folks camping in zion the week before christmas. i think we counted.. . three tents besides ours the several nights we spent there. vastly different from the throngs of summer!

photos: connect the description with the corresponding photo:
on the drive in the weather was 99% different than i've experienced before: cool misty and gray, with low hovering clouds that veiled the rock formations and gave the vast landscape a heavy mood.. well--the mesas had an almost mordor-like quality about them--i'd call that heavy, wouldn't you?
troyboy at his fire
the skeleton of a tree against the (regular) piercing blue sky
view from atop observation point trail
red rock with a sprinkling of early morning snow.
typical tif-shots of shrubs and stuff (perhaps i was taking shots of the shrubs so as not to concentrate on how exposed we were on the way up to angel's landing.. )
troyboy and his non-fear of heights
i think my favorite spot on this trip was with my feet right by the fire (with food cooking, too, of course ;)
sunset smear on our way out.

veeva

i know, i said i weren't gwine write no more, but i at least had to show ya some photos.

the most spectacular thing at the bellagio was this blown-glass sculptural ceiling in the reception area. i could have spent hours studying each individual disc-flower from different angles.

photos (in blogger-random order, of course):
in the theatre before "O"
sunrise: las vegas as canvas (view from excalibur)
reflection of the rainbow castle
who cares about the slot machines; gimme pritty food
lights by night: paris in the background
mi favorit: etude of bellagio blown glass sculpture

shifting

well, tb and i have been gone for a few days: in the great wideopen, zion national park--camping, hiking, roasting chestnuts on an open fire (ok, they were sweetpotatoes), stretching the bounds of my fear of heights-- and singing along to bing and dean as the miles ribbon ahead and behind us. then bowing to the great neon blinking god of the desert, diving into the crowd (herd) in las vegas to witness cirque du soleil's "O". virgins no more, we were baptized by the splashing display of human creative and technical mastery. wow.

i feel yet another shifting in the atmosphere. weather brews most decidedly on the horizon. new shaking hands with old, as i meet a new year in a new place, and bring my third decade in this existence to a close very soon (ha! i accidentally published this saying "second" decade--um, yeah. i'm on my third.). . . sorry to be so cryptic, but i feel that change is a'comin. i greet it with sentimental resistance, courageous head-longedness, and gently turn to take the wind in my face. the ride isn't over yet.
WIDE WORLD OF TIF will be silent for a short period while i prepare myself inwardly for these changes.

to entertain you whilst i turn inward, i give you, at long last, and after everyone has forgotten (but me, whom this blog is really here to entertain in the first place): vegoose.
written on the plane on my way to K-Y over a month ago.
with links!! :)

vegoose--
on a plane, high above colorado. headed home for the first time in what seems like a long long time. not really that long in days, i suppose, but long in distance between my heart now and my heart six months ago.
so i figure i should finally get around to sharing with you about vegoose--the festival we performed at in las vegas over halloween weekend.
the hotel~~
we stayed at a huge hotel, off the strip. strange enough for current events, it was called the Orleans--a new orleans-themed extravaganza with jazz band alligators, beads, and besparkled mardi gras masks adorning every wall, corner, and entranceway. of course the lobby was a bell-ringing, light blinking, slot-filling-zombie-inhabited casino. although i thought our rainbowcircus attire fit in perfectly with the festive atmosphere--especially at halloween--we still managed to raise eyebrows from their blackjack tables. in the elevator on the way up to our rooms, icarus (bare-chested with vest, septum ring, feathers through his stretched lobes, and fedora), annie (with a crayola red skunk stripe through her ethnic black hair, and rainbow garb), and i waited with a middle-aged couple both dressed in cowboy attire--those button-down-pocket shirts with trim, and cowboy boots and hats (although i bet you they didn't usually wrangle any cattle). the man said, hmm. you all at some kind of . . convention, or is this everyday attire?
the venue~~
what am i spending time on the hotel for, though? the event was Vegoose--a huge music festival with headliners like Beck, Jack Johnson, The Flaming Lips, and Widespread Panic. it took place at the UNLV stadium, and the surrounding grassy grounds. our circus tent was flanked on one side by one of the large stages and its lawn, and on the other side by the false front of a "church", where impersonators doing marilyn monroe, elvis, ozzie ozbourne, and the like, walked out the front door and did their schtick. a bright red and yellow sign perched above our tent, like an anti-golden-arches: Vau de Vire Society Twisted Cabaret. vau de vire society--an "avant cabaret" company of contortionists, acrobat-dancers, aerialists, freaks (they would be kind of the dark, dysfunctional teenagers to our band of fairy-children)--is based in san francisco, and let us other folks share their tent. it was a mad love fest of tutus, grease paint, camera-hams, music, blackrockcity sex-appeal, and improv genius.
the action~~
at the beginning of each day, once we got our get-ups on, we lined up backstage of the tent and then made a parade--dancing, cartwheeling, drumming, tomfooling and playing through the crowd outside. we were led by dr. mad vibe, who shouted through a bull-horn inviting folks to follow us into the circus tent. the first day, when we wore our elf-attire, abundant silliness ensued. agent red (aka the strawberry to my blueberry) and i talked a vendor into giving us a few bananas. i used one like a cellphone (in elvin jibberish, of course. we were under strict no-english orders from the lady at the top), and then opened one up, smeared it on each other's bare skin and licked it off (that was a highlight, of course). we invited onlookers to join in, but they were happy watching in bewilderment.
back at the tent for the rest of the day we'd rotate through the list of performers, sharing the stage, collaborating and improvising as the spirit moved us. lucent dossier's pieces went well. it seemed that everyone was really putting themselves out there and focusing their energy and intention. the tent was packed with a wildly receptive audience everytime.
when we weren't performing, we had artist passes which allowed us access to where the famous people hung out--there was a red-lit lounge with red couches and carpet and big screen tvs that showed whoever was performing on the mainstage in the stadium. everything was on the house--liquor, red bull, a huge buffet (including yummy veggie stuffs), and a photo booth! (according to the attendant, we circus folks were the hams who most-frequented the photo booth. well.--yeah!) we even got our choice of a free pair of Croc's shoes--a rainbow variety of comfy cushy foam-plastic clogs with air holes. (i chose orange, troyboy chose light blue) i didn't "rub elbows" with any celebrities, nor did i seek to, but it was huge fun to get the VIP treatment, all the same.

the highlight of my weekend was the grand finale "dance-off" between us white-clad divine lucents and the dark painted demented vau de vire folks. we took turns strutting our stuff, which eventually turned into a big orgiastic pile (with this group? who'd a thunk?) of black and white and flesh rolling around on the grass people picking each other up, contact improv-ing, acrobatics through the pile, anybody climbing the rafters, tricking on the trapeze, taking the spotlight, smearing body paint and sweat and spit, to orgasmic pounding funky dirty improv-ing music and spoken word. to sum it up: it was improvperformerbliss. what i loved most about it was that i was right there in the thick of it. the music and i and this throbbing mass of skin and inspiration were one. i was not accenting from the side stage, or thankful to tag along but not to get attention, or kinda-but-not-really shakin' it--i was fully there as all-out and raw as i'd ever been. rockin' it. i belonged--to this group of totally-in-the-moment talented fabulous performers. a card-holding member. not just playing with the big kids--i was a big kid too.

to watch some of the parade:
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=ckFvHIHKAhw&search=vaudevire%20cabaret%20circus%20freaks%20sexy%20fishbone


for a wonky video of the awakenings performance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=c9XqHf76who



~~may love, warmth, and light pervade and envelope your life during this festive time. may the new year bring you continued blessings, turning tides, and changes for Good. ~~
sincerely with love.
~~tif

follow-up

can't help but notice no one signed this thing:

"Thank you for sharing your views on the death penalty. The people of this State, through the initiative process, have voted to enact the death penalty in cases of first degree murder committed under certain special circumstances. The Governor supports the people's right to prescribe the ultimate punishment for the most heinous crimes.

Before a death sentence is carried out, the prisoner has been convicted of first degree murder under one or more special circumstances, has further been determined to warrant the death penalty and has had the opportunity to have these determinations reviewed by both state and federal courts including the Supreme Court of California and the United States Supreme Court.

The Governor would prefer that no person commits the type of crime that would warrant the death penalty, but knows that unfortunately there are persons capable of committing such acts. He hopes that some will be deterred by the death penalty, but for those who are not, he will enforce the law as enacted by the people.

Your views are important and appreciated. On behalf of the Governor, I thank you for your letter.

Sincerely,



Office of Constituent Affairs"

letter

" Thank you for your email to Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The Governor appreciates hearing from concerned and involved Californians, as well as from individuals all over the world who have an interest in California.

Governor Schwarzenegger is committed to restoring your confidence in state government. As the Governor has said, with hard work and your help, California will once again be the "Golden Dream by the Sea".

Due to the unprecedented number of emails sent to the Governor, there may be a delay in immediately responding to your email. Please know that the Governor's office is making every effort to respond to your inquiry and will ensure that your voice is heard by the Governor.

To help us respond to you, please include your email address when you communicate with the Governor's Office. Please note that we are unable to accept e-mail attachments because of the risk of Internet viruses. We ask that you please send your attachments via traditional mail to:

Office of the Governor
State Capitol Building
Sacramento, CA 95814

For more information about Governor Schwarzenegger and the State of California, please visit the California website at www.ca.gov.

Again, thank you for your email. Governor Schwarzenegger is proud to serve you and all Californians. "

don't know if you pay attention to Current Events, but california just executed a guy called Tookie. this guy allegedly did some really rotten stuff--like start the gang the Crips, and kill some folks. while he was imprisoned over the decades, he found Religion, educated himself, and did a whole lot of cool things trying to organize, and educate, against violence. he wrote a novel about his personal story, and wrote a bunch of children's books. i don't support the death penalty. but especially in this case, this man seemed to be a huge SUCCESS story for the penal system--reformed, rehabilitated, and productive. the state of california could have USED him in all kinds of ways to promote themselves, and to educate kids. it didn't happen that way. may he rest in peace and goodfellowship.

SuperGreen

i been drinkin this concoction these days after i jog.
it just makes me feel like i'm being healthy, drinking something that looks that green. it sho do look green. it look like a pool o tempera paint--you remember that stuff? you know you wanted to eat it (or was that just me?).

a piece of fruit (i've used oranges, bananas, a handful of frozen blueberries if they're around. i bet a ripe peach would be yummy!)
a drizzle of honey (cuz i worth it)
you know it=a spoonfull of almond butter (cuz i love it)
a splash of liquid (i use water. i encourage you to use your favorite milk)
not even a tablespoon of supergreen powder.

fire that stuff up in the blender. see if it don' make you feel like you bein' healthy.

this recipe is dedicated to madame kristin (AMuse), for her inspirational energy. (hell, she gotta be doin' somethin right. "i'll have what she's having.")

color and light

every day is beautiful.

family

or, "my favetest bitches"

(photos when blogger ain't feelin' so arthritic!!)

(soundtrack: aladdin's alibabba song)

the last night i had on that side of the continent before i jumped the plane to return to my promisedland: the brer white and i had such a good vibe going, i looked forward to one last evening of fellowship with him and the cats--maybe creative, maybe imbibelicious--it was sure to include laughter and a few tears.

finishing up my (purposefully) whirlwind visit with mon frer and fam, we ate at sonny's bar-b-q, in the spreading sprawl of nicholasville--a 15 minutes drive into the country from lex-town. a phonecall from brer says, "whatta ya think about going to nema's tonight?" my heart was sent to spinning. i'd confer with him post-feast.

nema's:
a homey persian restaurant snugged onto "the brick alley" of otherwise sleepy (yet still picturesque--thus runs a theme of the K-Y experience) downtown state capital frankfort. large, original murals decorate the walls, classic molding lines the high ceilings, persian-style rugs cover the floors, and the wall menu has back-lit photos of each dish--american hamburgers and traditional kabobs alike. it is the much-frequented unofficial meeting place for all kentucky-landed persians. jack (the ONLY persian with a kentucky accent!) and neeta, the owners, run themselves ragged to keep the place going, smoke their own hookah when they have a free moment, and treat their weekly bellydancers like princesses. the first night they hosted dancers was my second gig as an Official Member of Rakadu Gypsy Dance. over the years, these weekly gigs have grown to feel like cutting the rug in our own living room, with family.

after having to take a break from the troupe for "personal reasons" there toward the end of my life in lex-town, visiting nema's and seeing the ladies dance promised to be an emotional rush. being that it was on my way between lex and louisville, where i'd hop the plane, and being that the three most original dancers (t-tessa, mel-lovely, and queeniequeen--all much-loved and much-skilled and -admired) would be dancing, it seemed to me my path led to nema's that night.
the brer opted to stay in lex to prepare for an early wake-up. i needed to hustle to get to nema's in time to see some dancing. this gave us the perfect excuse not to drag out what would unquestionably be a painful parting. rubs on the cats, stuffing the suitcases, a care-package from brer (which--don't you know--included beer), a lump in the throat that sprouted tears and a deep, loving hug.
"see you soon."

walking into nema's, indeed, feels like walking into the home of family. i feel a fluttery-flitting in my chest as i shove through the back door (the "dancers' entrance!"). the ladies are taking a break; they collect themselves in the front corner, right behind the storefront window displaying a blinking christmas tree, and a hookah (my place to be, fer sher). the musicians (PHENOMENAL performers in their own right, and skilled artists in musician-dancer collaborative improv) are absent. in their stead, aladdin's boisterous alibabba soundtrack fills the air. patrons eat at every table. twinkley christmas lights, fragrant hookah smoke, and bustling staff. this is the place to be. happy huggings with the goddesses, i tuck myself into a corner and order a "cappuccino" flavored hookah and pot of tea. who else is in attendance across the way--one of my oldest dancing sisters--andri--surrounded by a tablefull of her own bellydance students, on a girls'-night-out from berea (where she now lives with her partner and their toddler, Phoenix). my cup overfloweth!! what blessings!!
the ladies commence to dancing--whirling and gyrating and jiggling in the center of the room on their persian-rug-stage. andri and i agree that, even after the years, the familiarity, and training, witnessing these ladies make magic through movement still gives us chills. i might as well not order food, because i'm too fascinated to pick up my fork--and don't even try to tell me nothin' cuz i too bizzy watchin' them girls shake they thang! even in the short time i've been gone, i can tell that these goddesses have been practicing and working and creating. hard to imagine, but they just keep getting more mesmerizing and skilled. they entwine grace, sensuality, mystery, elegance, humor, and astonishing technical skill and coordination into each piece, solo or together. and i have yet to see a bellydance company that seamlessly interestingly easily improvises as well as this troupe. period. delightful, illuminating, impeccable and inspiring! the permagrin abounds! as their "outro" t and mel shenaniganize, broadway-cheese style, the alibabba song for us all. as we crowd around the table with hummus and girltalk, i feel like the Same Ol' Tif (tiftif) who has danced with these goddesses for years, now. it feels like home, and they are my family.
finally, as jack, neeta, and the crew roll up the rugs and turn of the lights, we scurry out into the cold (!) and into our separate cars. upon request (yea!) they leave with cookies from Barb and Tif's Annual Christmastime Bakefest (for details, staytuned!).

breakfast recipe

now that we're coming into the cooler months, i'm wanting a yummy warm reason to get out from under the covers in the mornings! this recipe, plus that warm beverage of choice (no, not a hot toddy!), does the job most days.

~~soothing rice breakfast~~
this recipe makes several filling servings for me, but probably just a couple for troyboy the hungry sealion.

most of the prep for this can be done the night before, and the only work you do is the coupla minutes for you to remember, and toss the ingredients in the pot. if you wait to do it spontaneously in the morning, it takes about 40 mins--cooking time, not prep time (maybe a few more if you're groggy!).

prep:
1 cup brown basmati rice
1 apple chopped into pieces, don't bother skinning
a handful of nuts or seeds
1 1/2 cups water
throw these in a pot with a lid.
bring to a boil. then stir once, and turn down the heat to a simmer. simmer for 10 minutes, then let sit--without removing the lid or stirring--for 15.
this makes the apple nice and soft, and sweetens the rice, too.

at meal time:
take out a portion of the rice and apples, and put into a skillet with:
a drizzle of water
a drizzle of your favorite milk (i'm into almond these days), enough to make is soupy--like oatmeal, the soupiness is up to you.
a tablespoon of your favorite nut butter (again--almond!)
a dash of cinnamon
salt, to taste
bring to a simmer, stirring to keep it off the sides, let simmer till just a tad before the perfect consistency--it will thicken up as it cools. this takes only a coupla minutes. then serve it up in a bowl! or, brer and i call it "timming it" when you eat a hot meal straight out of the pot--over the sink.
this recipe uses no sugars, other than what's in the apple. the whole grain rice keeps all the good-for-you nutrients and fiber, plus flavor and chew.
it's tasty, hearty, and satisfying.
i encourage you to experiment with the grains and additions that you like. one idea: for something sweet and special to soothe the soul--how bout chopping up a banana instead of the apple, and adding a little bit o' chocolate? (i think i'll try that right now.. . )
here's to a cozy winter season surrounded by those you love.